A guy complains to his doctor that his sex life is deteriorating rapidly.
The doctor tells him he needs to reintroduce some excitement, unexpected lust, passion and so on into the process. He ponders this for a few days and hatches a plan.
“Well,” he says to the doctor, “I did everything you suggested. The boss let me leave work an hour early. I sped home leaving rubber all over the road. I skidded all the way up the driveway (after I’d cleaned up the mail box). I slammed the door, charged into the house and found Sheila in the living room. I stripped her naked and we went to it, hammer and tongs, on the coffee table!”
“And did you enjoy it!?” asked the doctor enthusiastically.
“Well,” says the guy slowly and thoughtfully, “No, but the Bible group thought it was pretty neat!”
Q: What’s a transvestite’s idea of a good time?
A: Eat, drink, and be Mary!
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One – men will screw anything.
These two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is
barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is
looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on
someone’s front lawn.
“Look”, he shouts “What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?”
The passenger, being a man of the world, replies “They are having sex.
Don’t tell me that you have never had sex doggie style before?”
The driver, a bit embarrassed, admits that he has never had sex
doggie style. So the passenger says, “You have to try it. Its pretty
cool. Here’s what you do. Tonight when you get home, fix your wife
a margarita and then suggest that you want to try this new sexual
The driver thinks a bit and then decides he will give it a
try. The next morning, the two commuters are back in the car and the
passenger asks, “Well, how did it go?” To which the driver replies, “It was
But it took me 6 Margaritas just to get her on the front lawn.”
Q: What’s the similarity between a blond and a postage stamp?
A: You lick ‘em, stick ‘em, and send them on their way…