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Q: What’s the worst thing about being a paedophile?
A: Having to go to bed so early!

This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, “Sweetie, why don’t you give me a blowjob?”

“What? You’re crazy!” she said.

“Look, don’t worry,” he said. “It will be quick, I promise you.”

“Nooooooo! Someone may see us, a neighbor, anybody…”

“At this time of the night no one will show up. Come on, sweetie, I really need it.”

“I’ve already said NO, and NO is final!”

“Honey, it’ll just be a really small blowie… I know you like it too.”

“NO!!! I’ve said NO!!!”

Desperately, he says, “My love, don’t be like that. I promise you I love you and I really need this blowjob.”

At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown and her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes she says: “Dad says, ‘Dammit, give him the blowjob or I’ll have to blow him but for God’s sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom button so the rest of the family can get some sleep.’”

What to do if you think you, or someone you love, has a vagina? Having a vagina can be an absolutely frightening experience. Vagina effects all people and it doesn’t discriminate. Whether you’re black, white, Asian, young, old, rich, poor, or even Korean, you may already be inflicted with vagina. We at the Vagina Research Institute have spoke with several vagina’ed individuals and would like to share their advice in hopes to serve the vaginally ignorant. Here are some common questions that people with vagina have:

Will my vagina make me die?

More than likely, yes. While the purpose of the vagina is still unknown, it is a well documented fact that 100% of those inflicted with vagina, have their lives ended with death.

Why does my vagina bleed every month?

Well there are 2 schools of thought about the blood issue; 1st being that the vagina gets routinely sick of it’s own smell and has developed internal ulcers that tend to bleed every month. 2nd school of thought comes from the religious right, and claims that vagina is a result of the devil and one of the devil’s promises to Jesus Christ was that he would, among other things, ruin all the white jeans of everyone in the world. This is reportedly claimed in the bible, however this cannot be confirmed because no one has yet read the bible.

My car keys keep slipping out of my vagina. Any recommendations?

Quite often, people with vagina use it to keep their keys and identification card when they go out bar hopping. If your keys continue to slip out of the vaginal opening, get one of those sharp bottle opener / keychain things and, using slight force, dig a groove into the inner wall of your vagina so they can be hung there like a hat rack. And, depending on the size of your vagina, you can also use the same method to sneak your beers out of the bar.

What is likely to be found in a vagina?

I’m glad you asked. Vaginas on the whole seem to cling to those members of our society who can be construed as moody, arrogant and even downright hard to get along with. The current state of thought on the contents of the vagina tends to lead toward a bacteria that seems to tax one’s common sense quite thoroughly. Researchers seem to think that vaginas may contain an undiscovered enzyme that attacks one’s more cerebral or ‘rational’ traits and leans the individual toward irrational thinking.

Case in point: A vagina researcher once discovered that his roommate was a victim of vagina. The vagina’ed individual seemed to be relentless in her pursuit of control of the researcher, despite repeated attempts to explain that much of this asserted control was in areas in no way connected to the vagina’ed person. Eventually the vagina’ed person found a more tolerant and gullible person to take advantage of and escaped the researcher’s quarters. But this episode taught us quite a bit, and we will one day learn more once we are able to hold another vaginoid in captivity.

If you suspect that you have a vagina or have any questions about your vagina, let us know! Call 1-800-VAG-INAS. Operators standing by on 24-hour call.

There were these two ovaries and they were cleaning their house when they heard a knock at the door.

“I’ll get the door,” says the first ovary. She looks out the peep hole and says, “Did you order furniture?”

No why?” asks the other ovary.

“Because there two nuts at the door trying to shove in an organ!”

One day, shortly after having her 9th baby, the good Irish lady ran into her parish priest. He congratulated her on the new offspring, then said, “But isn’t having nine babies a little much?”

“Well,” she said, “I don’t know why I get pregnant so often, it must be something in the air.”

“Yes,” said the priest. “Your legs!”



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