Mike and Keith are playing golf one hot Sunday afternoon.
While approaching the sixteenth hole, they notice an old golfer teeing up
by himself. The two friends stop and wait for the older golfer to finish
his hole. After the old man drives the ball a considerable distance down
the fairway, he collapses on the green. Mike and Keith run up the fellow
to help. After feeling the old man’s pulse, Mike tells Keith to run to the
club house and call 911.
Keith leaves and returns about two minutes later after making the
call. Upon returning Keith, sees the old man naked and bent over a nearby
bench. Meanwhile, Mike is screwing the unconscious man vigorously. Keith
in astonishment says, “Hey, What are you doing? I thought you were going to
give him CPR.” Mike replies, “Well, it started off that way.”
A young couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy’s lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, “I hope you don’t mind but I really do need to pee.”
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, “OK. Why don’t you go behind this hedge.”
She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror, “My God Mary … have you changed your sex?”
“No,” she replies. “I’ve changed my mind, I’m having a shit instead.”
An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in
love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never
achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they
decide to ask the rabbi.
The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the
“Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have
the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and
should bring on an orgasm.”
They go home and follow the rabbi’s advice. They hire a handsome young man
and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn’t help and
she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi.
“Okay”, says the rabbi, “let’s try it reversed. Have the young man make
love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.”
Once again, they follow the rabbi’s advice. The young man gets into bed
with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work
with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly,
“You see, THAT’S the way to wave a towel!”
Q: How do you know when you’ve satisfied a redhead?
A: She unties you.
A boat load filled with Viagra sank in Baltimore Harbor.
They could not get the draw bridges down for a week.