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“What’s this I hear about you breaking off your engagement?” asked Julie.

“Well,” Sharon confirmed, “Although his diamond was of pretty good quality, his mounting left a lot to be desired.”

Q: Who was that baby I saw you with last night?
A: That was no baby, that was my senator!

A very good-looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat up every single woman who walks into the bar, without any luck. Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man, walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women in the place.

Disheartened by all this, the good-looking man asks the bartender, “Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women. What’s his secret? He’s as ugly as sin and I’m everything a girl could want, but I haven’t been able to connect all night. What’s going on?”

“Well,” said the bartender, “I don’t know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows.”

One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. “This is exciting,” thought the gentleman. “I’ve always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in person.”

Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pope.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out off his bag and began working on it. This is fantastic, thought the gentleman. I’m really good at crosswords. Perhaps if the Pope gets stuck, he’ll ask me for assistance.

Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the man and said, “Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in ‘unt’?

The man was in shock. He could only think of one word that fit the description and he was not about to say it to the Pope. The gentleman thought for a while longer, then it hit him.

Turning to the pope, the gentleman said, “I think you’re looking for the word ‘aunt’.”

“Of course,” said the Pope. “Do you have an eraser?”

An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins.

“How am I doing?” He asks.

“Three knots,” she replies.

“Three knots? What’s that mean?”

“You’re not hard, you’re not in, and you’re not getting your money back.”



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