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A lawyer from New York was transfered to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West. After several weeks there he noticed that the town was populated solely by men. He asked one of the local cowboys, “What do you do when you get the urge for a woman?”
The cowboy replied, “See them thar’sheep up on thet hill. We just go git us one.”
“That is disgusting and barbaric!!” replied the lawyer.
After about 3 months the lawyer could not stand it any longer. He decided though, if he was going to do a sheep, he would show these yokels how to do it right. He picked out the prettiest sheep of the bunch, bathed her, put a pink ribbon on her, served her hay on a china plate, dressed her in fine lingerie, and then took the sheep to bed.
After he finished he decided to take his new found lover out for a drink. He wandered into the local saloon with the sheep under his arm. The piano fell silent, people dropped drinks, and all the cowboys turned, and stared in shocked disbelief.
The lawyer said, “You bunch of hypocrites. You look at me as if I’m some sort of freak for doing what you’ve been doing all along. I’m just doing it with more class.”
“That ain’t the problem,” replied one cowboy. “That’s the sheriff’s gal you’re with.”

As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table.
One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the bank to the floor where it smashes. To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his wife what’s up.
“Well,” she replied, “Not everyone is as cheap as you are.”

Q: What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
A: A scrotum pole!

Mick was sitting at the pub telling his mate Harry about a disturbing
thing that happened the night before.
“Last night I came home from the pub pissed as a tick, so I hopped into
bed and started feeling up me missus. After a few strokes of her firm arse
she got aroused and then we fucked like bunnies for about two hours.
Like I do every time after a fuck, I leaned over and turned on the light,
lit up two cigarettes and went to pass one to the trouble ‘n’ strife.
Rubbing me weary eyes I realized that I’d accidentally walked into my
eight year olds daughter’s room by, and worse still she was on the
swimming team and didn’t smoke.

There was this hooker who mistook a Salvation Army man for
a soldier and propositioned him.
The Salvation Army gent said, “Ma’am, you may be forgiven,
as a pitiable victim of circumstances. Tell me, are you
familiar with the concept of ‘original sin’?”
The hooker replied, “Well, maybe and maybe not. But if
it’s “really” original, it’ll cost you an extra $20.”

Woman, “Slow down, foreplay is an art.”
Man, “Well, if you don’t get your canvas arranged soon, I’m going to spill my paint!”

A woman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, “Come this way,” and heads towards the back of the store.

“If I could come that way,” she tells the retreating clerk, “I wouldn’t need the batteries.”

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. “What seems to be the problem?” the doctor asked.

“Well, I, uh,” she stammered. “I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac.”

“I see,” he said. “I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour.”

“That’s not bad,” she replied. “How much for all night?”

Two old friends from the mountains ran into each other at the
local bar. One said, “Heard ya went to the big city Jeb.” His
friend replied, “Yep. Even tried me out one of those ‘loose
women’ ya always hear about.” “You don’t say.” said the first
man. “Bet that was costly.” “Nope.” Jeb smirked. “Kinfolk.”at the
local bar. One said, “Heard ya went to the big city Jeb.” His
friend replied, “Yep. Even tried me out one of those ‘loose
women’ ya always hear about.” “You don’t say.” said the first
man. “Bet that was costly.” “Nope.” Jeb smirked. “Kinfolk.”

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married.
He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with
no experience.
On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up
and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed,
they start exploring each other’s bodies.
Things are going fine until the bride discovers her
husband’s penis. “Oh my”, she says, “What is that?”
“Well, darlin”, the cowboy says, “That’s ma rope”.
She slides her hands further down and gasps.
“Oh my goodness. What’s them?” she asks.
“Honey, them’s my knots”, he answers.
Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes,
the bride says, “Stop honey. Wait a minute”.
Her husband, panting a little, asks, “What’s the matter honey?
Am I hurting you?”
“No”, the bride replies. “Just undo them damn knots.
I need more rope!”

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