A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got
home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting
with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after
which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.
At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. “Is this the
vet?” asked an elderly lady’s voice.
“Yes, it is”, replied the vet, “Is this an emergency?”
“Well, sort of”, said the elderly lady, “there’s a whole bunch of
cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I
can’t get to sleep. What can I do about it?”
There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then
patiently replied “Open the window and tell them they’re wanted
on the phone”
“Really?” said the elderly lady, “Will that will that stop them?”
“Should do,” said the vet, “- IT STOPPED ME!”
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an airplane?
A: Not everyones been inside an airplane.
Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together and they were getting a little testy.
One morning, the first friend says, “You know, we’re starting to get on each other’s nerves. Why don’t we split up today. I’ll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we’ll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire.”
The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north.
That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. “Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?”
The second friend says, “I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks and we had sex in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp.”
“Wow!!” the first guy exclaimed, “Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did you get a blow job, too?”
“Nah,” says the second friend over his meal, “I couldn’t find her head.”
Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
A: Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob!
Once upon a time in China lived two men whose names were I KUM and NO KUM. NO KUM was married to a young and very pretty girl named NO KUM TU, while I KUM was single.
One night I KUM went to see is friend NO KUM. Upon arriving at NO KUM’S home, I KUM found out that NO KUM was not at home. NO KUM’S wife, NO KUM TU, invited I KUM to stay the night with her. That night NO KUM TU came which
gave I KUM great pleasure as I KUM came too.
After a time NO KUM found out that he was going to be a father, but NO KUM didn’t know how come. When the little child was born, NO KUM named him HOW KUM YOU KUM.
But NO KUM TU and I KUM know how come HOW KUM YOU KUM came. To this day NO KUM doesn’t know how come HOW KUM YOU KUM came.