After the lavish wedding reception, the newlyweds retired to their Honeymoon Suite. The groom turned down the lights and found some nice CDs to stack on the player. Then he excused himself and returned in pajamas and robe. He opened a bottle of champagne and poured them each a drink, unaware that his new bride had already had more than enuff to drink. Finally, he took the girl of his dreams, whom he had wed after a whirl-wind courtship, by the hand and tenderly began to lead her towards the bedroom.
“Damn!” she muttered, “every stinking time I go out with a guy it always ends up the same way.”
Q: What do you call a gay bar that has no chairs?
A: A fruit stand.
A guy went into a bar and met a nice girl. They have a few drinks and soon wound up at his place, in bed. They’re having a great time. She was on top when suddenly she had an epileptic seizure — she was shaking and foaming at the mouth. Our uninformed male thought this was incredible — the best sex he’d ever had!
He finished, but she is still shaking and thrashing about with her seizure. He began to get nervous and took her to the emergency room.
A nurse asked what the problem was and he replied, “I think her orgasm’s stuck!”
A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years and tells the priest he’s been having sexual intercourse with a pig ever since his wife died.
The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and whether the pig is a male or female.
“No! I’m not doing it anymore!” says the farmer. “And the pig is a female, of course. What the hell do you think I am – a goddam queer?”
Q: What does a blonde answer to the question “Are you sexually active?”
A: “No, I just lie there.”