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A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower.
It’s at that moment she spots his penis. Pointing at it she says…

“Daddy, daddy, when will I get one of those?”

The dad looks at the little girl, looks out the door, looks back
at the little girl and winks…

“When your mommy goes to the mall!”

A nun and a priest are wandering, lost, in the desert, when all of a sudden their camel up and dies. Seeing nothing but sand around them for miles, they prepare themselves to meet their Maker.

The Priest, knowing that he’s mere hours away from death, says, “You know, I’ve never seen a woman’s breasts before. Since it probably won’t matter any more, would you show me yours?”

The nun agrees and shows him.

He asks, “May I touch them?”

She agrees, and he tells her with complete sincerity that they’re very nice.

Next, the nun says that she’s never seen a man’s penis before, and would he mind showing her his. He agrees and whips it out.

“That’s very nice!” she says. “May I touch it?”

He agrees and she fondles him, resulting, of course, in a large chubby.

The priest, now overcome with years of pent-up lust, says, “You know, if I put my penis in the right place, it can give life!”

She asks, “Is that so?”


“Then why don’t you stick it up that camel’s ass and let’s get the hell out of here!”

An Indian chief and his son are sitting down one day, and the son asks: “Dad, how do us Indians get our names?”

“It’s very simple,” replies the chief. “Your oldest brother was born by a river, so we call him Running Brook. Your other brother was born in the early morning, so we call him Rising Sun. Why do you ask Broken Rubber?”

* Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?

* (Motion for girl to come here with one finger), “If I can make you come with this finger, imagine what I could do with all five!”

* If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

* Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?

* I wanna use your thighs as earmuffs.

* The word of the day is LEGS, so let’s go to my house and spread the word.

* This Valentine’s Day, I really want you to know how I feel…..So you better use both hands.

* I’d walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

* Wanna play army? I’ll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.

* Girl, if you were a porch I’d take out all the nails and screw ya.

* If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?

* I’d like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.

* If it’s true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!

* How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?

* I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face.

* You are so fine that I’d eat your shit just to see where it came from.

* My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.

* Is that a keg in your pants? ‘Cause I would love to tap that ass!

* You remind me of a championship bass, I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you!

* Your parents must be retarded, because you are special.

* Could I touch your belly button…from the inside?

* How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I’ll give you the meat!

* Hey baby. Why don’t you come sit on my lap and we can talk about the first thing that pops up?

* Your body’s name must be Visa, because it’s everywhere I want to be!

* Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

* I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock!

* I may not be the best looking guy here, but I’m the only one talking to you.

* Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I’ll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I’ll do it your way.

* Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!

* Roses are red, violets are blue. I like spaghetti, let’s go screw.

* Just call me milk, I’ll do your body good.

* My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going….

* That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I’d be coming too.

* I’d like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

* I enjoy doing maintenance, you look like someone I would like to tinker” around with.

* You must be from Hiroshima, cause baby you’re the Bomb.

* Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.

* I’m a bird watcher and I’m looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?

* I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Wal-Mart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

* Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I’ll slam you all night long.

* If you’re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

* Oh, I’m sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

* If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.

* If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the Holidays?

* Are your legs tired, because you’ve been running through my mind all day long.

* The word for the night is legs, lets go back to my room and spread the word.

* Hey baby, what’s your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, yield?

* Hi my name is _______, remember it, cause you’ll be screaming it all night long.

* Was your dad a farmer? Cause you sure have great melons.

* You must be Jelly, cause jam don’t shake like that.

* The fact that I’m missing my teeth just means that there’s more room for your tongue.

* Hi, my name is Pogo, want to jump on my stick?

* Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.

* I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

* I’m new in town, could I have directions to your house?

* If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous.

* You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, “Guess what guys, I’ve won a trip to see the Pope!” Everyone gets all excited and chants, “We finally get to ask him, we finally get to ask him.”

The next day, they are standing in front of the Pope, Dopey out in front of the other six. All the other six start pushing Dopey and saying, “Go ahead, Dopey, ask him, ask him!”

The Pope looks at Dopey and asks, “Do you have a question to ask me, young man?”

Dopey looks up shyly and says, “Well, yes.”

The Pope tells him to go ahead and ask. Dopey asks, “Well, do….do they have nuns in Alaska?”

The Pope replies, “Well, yes, I’m sure we have nuns in Alaska.”

The others all keep nudging Dopey and chanting, “Ask him the rest, Dopey, ask him the rest!”

The Pope asks Dopey if there’s more to his question, and Dopey continues, “Well, uh, do they have, uh, black nuns in Alaska?”

To which the Pope replies, “Well, my son, I think there must be a few black nuns in Alaska, yes.”

Still not satisfied, the others keep saying, “Ask him the last part, Dopey, ask him the last part!”

The Pope asks Dopey, “Is there still more to your question?”

To which Dopey replies, “Well, uh, yeah….. are there, uh, are there any midget black nuns in Alaska?”

The startled Pope replies, “Well, no, my son, I really don’t think there are any midget black nuns in Alaska.”

At this, Dopey turns all kinds of colors, and the others start laughing, and yelling, “Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin!”

© 2015