Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was
becoming routine and boring.
“Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don’t you try playing
doctor for an hour?”
“Sounds great,” Steve replied, “but how do you make it last for an hour?”
“Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for 45 minutes!”
In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the Pastor and his housekeeper. One day the pastor invited his new young assistant pastor to have dinner at the rectory.
While being served, the young pastor noticed how shapely and lovely the housekeeper was and down deep in his heart he wondered if there was more between the pastor and the housekeeper.
After the meal was over, the middle-aged pastor assured the young priest that everything was purely professional…that she was the housekeeper and cook and that was that.
About a week later the housekeeper came to the pastor and said, “Father, ever since the new assistant came for dinner I have not been able to find the beautiful silver gravy laddle. You don’t suppose he took it, do you?”
The Pastor said, “Well, I doubt it but I’ll write him a letter.” So he sat down and wrote, “Dear Father, I’m not saying you did take the gravy laddle and I’m not saying you did not take the gravy laddle. But the fact remains that it has been missing since you were here for dinner.”
The young assistant received the letter, and he answered it as follows: “Dear Father Pastor, I’m not saying that you do sleep with the housekeeper and I’m not saying that you do not sleep with the housekeeper. But I do know for sure that if you slept in your own bed you would find the gravy laddle.”
Judi and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends.
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Judi: That’s nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Judi: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy.
Q: Did you know that Rock Hudson was going to make a movie with Sylvester Stallone?
A: They were going to call it Ram-Butt.
There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling.
So what’s the problem?
Every year at the state fair Paul entered the lottery for the brand new truck and lost. This year, he told his friend David, he wasn’t going to bother and enter.
“What kind of attitude is that?” David asked. He leaned closer and whispered, “What you need, pal, is faith. Look around and see if the good Lord sends you a message.”
Strolling around the fair, Paul grew more and more despondent as the drawing neared. Nothing struck him, no divine inspiration, no sign from God.
Finally, while he was passing old Mrs. Kelleher’s pie stand, he glanced over and saw the woman bending down. She wasn’t wearing any panties, and suddenly her ass began to glow. Suddenly a finger of flame came from the skies and without her even knowing it, used her ass as a table. The fiery finger etched a seven on each cheek.
Thanking God, Paul rushed to the raffle booth and played the number 77.
A few minutes later, the drawing was held. And once again, Paul lost. The winning number was 707.
Ma and Pa are sitting on the front porch swing, rocking. Pa says to Ma, “Screw you Ma.”
A minute goes by, and Ma says to Pa, “Screw you Pa.”
Again, a minute goes by, and Pa says to Ma, “Screw you Ma.”
Another minute goes by, and Ma says to Pa, “Screw you Pa.”
Yet another minute goes by, and Pa says to Ma, “Screw you Ma.”
A minute later, Ma says to Pa, “Screw you Pa.”
A couple of minutes go by, and Pa says to Ma, “I don’t know about you Ma, but I just don’t get too much out of this oral sex stuff!”
Q: How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it takes the entire emgerency room to get it out!
A long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the deep South.
He got a ride from a mean-looking redneck trucker. After
riding about 30 miles in silence, the youth finally said,
“Well, aren’t you going to ask me?”
“Ask you what?”
replied the trucker.
“If I’m a boy or a girl,” answered the youth.
“Don’t matter,” replied the trucker. “Gonna fuck ya anyway.”
A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute’s terms.
When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair.
The man shouted, “What, no wool? In my country all women have wool
The prostitute snapped back, “What do you want to do, knit or fuck?”