One summer a few years ago, a middle age French-Canadian man named Jacques decided to vacation on the coast of Maine. While soaking up some sun on the beach, a very pretty girl caught his eye and his sexual desires.
He immediately got up, ran to her, grabbed her by the hand and brought her to his hotel room. There he had sex with her and then sent the young lady on her way.
She immediately reported this to the police and Jacques was arrested.
On his court date the judge asked him if he understood the nature of the crime he committed against the young lady.
Jacques looked at the judge with a bewildered look and said, “Non! Hi don’t understand! Hin my country you grab de pretty girl, bring her to de hotel room, BOOM-BOOM, give hit to her den let her go! Hit’s O.K.!”
“Sir,” the judge said, “in THIS country if you are to have sex with a lady, you must have her permission first, or it is considered rape. You must have her consent!”
After hearing this, Jacques turned around and mysteriously looked at the judge and exclaimed, “Cuntscent! Hi got her cuntscent! Hi got her cuntscent on my fingers, cuntscent on my mustache, hi got her cuntscent everywhere!”
Brunette after sex: “Oh that was great! Love you… wanna marry?”
Blonde after sex: “Next!”
Redhead after sex: “Better start chewing some VITAMINS, kid.”
Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up and started hitting on him. He asked if they wanted to come over to his house later. They agreed to come over at after they went home and got ready.
Charlie had a friend who worked in a drugstore, so he went to see him. He asked his friend if he had anything that would keep him hard all night long. The man laughed and handed him a bottle of pills instructing him not to take more than one. Once at home, Charlie figured with three women he should take three pills, so he gulped them down.
The next day Charlie showed up at the drugstore to see his friend. Asking for some liniment, he showed him his dick which was ripped to shreds. In disbelief, his friend asked if he was sure that he wanted to put liniment on his dick.
Charlie replied “No,I need it for my arms the women never showed up!”
(This refers to the show, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire)
After dinner Regis and his wife, Joy, retired to the bedroom. With high hopes, Regis asked Joy if she would like to make love.
She replied with her usual, “Not tonight, dear, I have a headache.”
“Hmmmm,” mused Regis, “is that your final answer?”
“Yes, it is,” replied Joy.
Regis thought this over for a moment and then asked, “I’d like to phone a friend.”
One day God came to Adam to pass on some news. “I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” God said.
Adam looked at God and said, “Well, give me the good news first.”
Smiling, God explained, “I’ve got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children.”
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, “These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?”
God looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, “The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate these organs one at a time.”