In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. He was a hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, “Gosh! If I go down three inches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed.”
There was a fish in the water thinking, “Gosh! If that fly goes down three inches I can eat him.”
There was a bear on the shore thinking, “Gosh! If that fly goes down three inches… that fish will jump for the fly… and I will eat him.”
It also happened that a hunter was further up the bank of the lake, preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. “Gosh!” he thought, “If that fly goes down three inches… and that fish leaps for it… that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I’ll shoot the bear and then have a proper lunch.”
You probably think this is enough activity for one bank of a lake, but I can tell you there was more.
A wee mouse by the hunter’s foot was thinking, “Gosh! If that fly goes down three inches… and that fish jumps for that fly …and that bear grabs for that fish… the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich.”
A cat, lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunchtime, “Gosh… if that fly goes down three inches…and that fish jumps for that fly… and that bear grabs for that fish …and that hunter shoots that bear… and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich… then I can have mouse for lunch.”
The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water… The fish swallows the fly… The bear grabs the fish.. The hunter shoots the bear… The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich… The cat jumps for the mouse… The mouse ducks…The cat falls into the water and drowns.
The moral of the story is: Whenever a fly goes down three inches… Somewhere there’s a pussy in trouble.
A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground.
“That’s strange,” said the fox. “Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree.”
“Listen, bud,” replied the boy squirrel. “Did you ever try to climb a tree when you were in love?”
Unsure of Your Sex? Take This Quick Quiz:
1. Aside from getting sterilized, your birth control options are:
b. almost a dozen
2. When parking your car in a public garage you:
a. toss your keys jauntily to the attendant
b. hand your keys over politely
3. You haven’t shaved in 4 days. The resulting stubble can be construed as:
4. At the doctor’s, a common request would be:
b. “Would you like to scoot down just a little more dear?”
5. As a sporty person, you need athletic support with:
a. one cup
b. two cups
6. When you’re feeling insecure, what you say to your best friend is:
b. “Do I look fat?”
7. You’ve slept with several hundred people, one term used to describe you would be:
a. sports legend
8. The age it hits home that junk food will devastate your body is:
9. When you hear the words “hand wash,” the first thing that comes to your mind is:
a. your car
b. panty hose
10. It’s the seventh game of the playoffs, bottom of the ninth, score tied. Bases are loaded with 2 outs. The man at bat has a .311 average against southpaws, and the pitcher is a lefty. Your mate turns to you and says, “Do you want a back rub?” You are:
a. too busy screaming at the TV to even hear the question
11. Your idea of basic pump is:
a. an athletic shoe made by Nike
b. a heeled shoe made by Fayva
12. Multiple Orgasms are something you:
a = 1 point b = 2 points
0-12 Congratulations, you are a male. This means you have a greater lean muscle-to-fat ratio, earn most of the money, and a select few of your sex can look forward to being president someday.
13-24 Congratulations, you are a female. This means you will live longer, have your choice of wearing either pants or a skirt in polite company and a select few of your sex can look forward to being president someday.
A is for the automobile which he doesn’t own.
B is also for brain, which was located between his legs.
C is for the commitment that was never there.
D is for the dildo he didn’t know I had.
E is for ego. His was bigger than a hot air balloon.
F is for his faithfulness, as long as there wasn’t something or someone better to do.
G is also for the spot he could never find!
H is for laughter (HA! HA!) the last sound he heard from me as he was walking out the door.
I is for impotent which is what I told everyone he was.
J is for jugular, the one I’d love to sever.
K is for kinky, he always started without me.
L is for love in most cases, but exceptions have been made, L is for LOSER in this case, along with LUSH and LITTLE DICK.
M is for MAN. Has anyone been able to find one? Have you ever met one? Do you know where any are?
N is for the narcotics. He drove me past alcohol.
O is for the orgasms he thought he made me have.
P is for PAYBACKS. Remember they are HELL!
Q is for queer. I sometimes wonder if he is.
R is for the hopeless romantic he said he was. He was half right. He was hopeless, not to mention worthless.
S is also for satisfied, which he rarely made me feel.
T is for typical. Typical little boy playing at being a man.
U is also for the ugly girl he is dating now.
V is for the voodoo doll I made of him.
W is for wife, the one he said he didn’t have.
X is what he is to me now!!!!
Y is for WHY the hell did I ever get involved with him.
Z isn’t for anything, just like him, he ain’t anything either.