Read all jokes from: LGBT (+289)
A few years ago a man who was openly gay was elected as Mayor of Key West, Florida. After the election results were in, a hoard of reporters surrounded him and began asking him questions on how he won. A young reporter walked up to him and said,
“Mr. Mayor, I understand that you used a basic grass roots campaign to win, met lots of people, shook lots of hands, kissed lots of babies. I even heard that you kissed a parakeet.”
The Mayor replied, “That’s right young man. I brought the campaign to the people, but I must correct you on one point, I did not kiss a parakeet … I kissed a Cock-or-two.”
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Read all jokes from: LGBT (+289)
A pick-up line in a gay bar: “May I push your stool in?”
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Read all jokes from: LGBT (+289)
Two gay men were visiting a zoo, when they found themselves at the gorilla cage. The gorilla was sitting there with a huge erection. Unable to contain himself one of the men reaches in to touch it.
As soon as his arm goes into the cage, the gorilla grabs him, and takes him into the cage… slams him to the floor and screws him senseless.
A few days later in hospital the boyfriend visits and asks his partner if he is hurt. His lover responded, “Hurt..Hurt.. You bet I’m hurt. He hasn’t phoned, he hasn’t written…”
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Read all jokes from: LGBT (+289)
A gay guy walks into a bar in the Deep South with a huge German Shepherd. When he walks up to the bar and asks for a scotch and water, the bartender looks him over and replies, “We don’t serve your kind in here.”
“Say,” says the gay, “I’m pretty thirsty, and if I don’t get a drink soon I’ll sic my dog Killer on you.”
“Listen, faggot,” snarls the bartender. “Get out of here or I’ll throw you out. And I ain’t scared of your dog!”
“You’ve forced my hand,” says the gay, reaching down to unsnap the leash. “Go, Killer, get him!”
So Killer jumps up on the counter and scratches the bartender’s eyes out.
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Read all jokes from: LGBT (+289)
Because of a bad case of hemorrhoids, the gay man went to his doctor. The physician prescribed suppositories, but when it came time to use them the young man was afraid he would do it wrong.
So he went into the bathroom and, bending over, looked through his legs into the mirror to line up the target. All of a sudden, his penis became stiff and blocked his view.
“Oh, stop it,” the young man scolded his organ, “It’s only me!”
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Read all jokes from: LGBT (+289)
This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it’s a gay bar. “But what the heck,” he says, “I really want a drink.”
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, “What’s the name of your penis?”
The customer says, “Look, I’m not into any of that. All I want is a drink.”
The gay waiter says, “I’m sorry but I can’t serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called ‘Nike,’ for the slogan, ‘Just Do It.’ That guy down at the end of the bar calls his ‘Snickers,’ because ‘It really Satisfies.”
The customer looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. The customer asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, “Hey bud, what’s the name of your penis?”
The man looks back and says with a smile, “TIMEX.”
The thirsty customer asks, “Why Timex?”
The fella proudly replies, “Cause it takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin!”
A little shaken, the customer turns to the fella on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, “So, what do you call your penis?”
The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, “FORD, because ‘Quality is Job 1.’ ” Then he adds, “Have you driven a Ford, lately?”
Even more shaken, the customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, “The name of my penis is ‘Secret.’ Now give me my beer.”
The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, “Why secret?”
The customer says, “Because it’s STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!”
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Read all jokes from: LGBT (+289)
In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister. The minister asked the janitor, “Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she’s done just give her 10 Hail Mary’s and I’ll be right back.”
Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected the Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession. “Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable. I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex.”
Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation. Surely 10 Hail Mary’s would not do. So, in a moment of desperation the janitor peered his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, “Son, what does the minister give for oral sex?”
In reply the altar boy said, “Two Snickers bars and a Coke.”
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Read all jokes from: LGBT (+289)
Three gays were discussing what they thought their favorite sport would be. The first decides on football, ’cause of all those gorgeous guys bending over in their tight pants.
“Definitely wrestling,” sighs the second guy. “Those skimpy little costumes, and think of the holds.”
“Definitely baseball,” says the third guy. “Why? Well, I’d be pitching with the bases loaded, the batter would hit a line drive right to me, I’d catch it, and I’d just stand there while the other guys rounded the bases. Meanwhile the crowd would be going crazy, screaming, ‘Throw the ball, you cocksucker!’ and that’s what I like – the recognition.”
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Read all jokes from: LGBT (+289)
Two homosexuals were walking hand in hand by a local gay bar, when one guy says to the other, “Hey honey, wanna get shit-faced tonight?”
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Read all jokes from: LGBT (+289)
Cisco is riding to work on the subway one day. The man across from him keeps staring and staring. Finally, Cisco says, “Look, do you mind not staring at me? It’s making me uncomfortable.”
The other man says, “I’m sorry…My name is Jake. I’m gay, you see, and I think you are the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. I was wondering if you’d be interested in going out…”
Cisco chuckled to himself, flattered, and said. “I’m sorry, pal, but I’m a happily married man, and other men just have no appeal for me, but thanks for the offer.”
Jake continued, obviously totally smitten by Cisco. Finally, Cisco got fed up and exited the train a stop early, hoping to leave Jake behind, but the guy followed him all the way to his office. It just so happened that Cisco was a successful proctologist, and when Jake saw this, he was totally swept away.
He ran upstairs and immediately made an appointment for an examination. When Cisco came in to give the exam, he was surprised, but went ahead with the exam anyway. He was a professional, after all.
While Cisco was probing, Jake kept ‘ooo’ing and ‘aaahhh’ing and moaning with pleasure. Finally, Cisco got totally disgusted and ordered Jake to leave, because there was nothing wrong, and not to come back unless something was really wrong.
Well, a few weeks went by, and Jake showed up in the office again. Cisco tried to throw him out, but Jake insisted he had a legitimate problem. Cisco finally agreed to perform an exam. When Jake pulled his pants down, Cisco was shocked.
“My GOD! You have a dozen roses stuck in your butt!!!” He shouted.
And Jake replied “READ THE CARD! READ THE CARD!!!”
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