Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
Having a session with the wise master
Hand start the one eyed yogurt thrower
Memory Bank Spank
Getting jiggy with it
Cleaning the snorkel
Mugging the Kojak Doll
Giving flipper a backrub
Making pudding’
Shaking hands with Mr. Happy
Making sewer babies
Dating the palm sisters
Cocking the Gun
Filling up the belly button well
Conditioning the leather
Rubbing one off
Satisfying King Solomon
Inflating the Zeppelin
Massaging the Marrionette, no strings attached
Extracting a core sample
Enforcing the “No Fly Zone”
Digital Manipulation of the Coital Apparatus
Testing out the magic love wand
The Rise and Fall of Peter the Great
Firing the Surgeon General
Squeaky the squirrel
Taking Herman to the circus
Freeing the soldiers of love
Boobytrapping a toilet seat
Galloping the lizard
Five finger boogie on the blue vein
Tickling little Tommy behind the ear
Walking the one eyed dog
Making gravy
Humping the old hand
Greasing The Baseball Bat
One man tug of War
Hang The Hamster
5 Digit Disco
Rocking the lil’ man in the boat
The disappearing cigar trick
Male polishing the stinger
Checking the tweeters
Shaking hands with the wife’s wedding present
Launching the heat seeking moisture missile
Filleting the trouser trout
Jerking my johnson
Lathering the Latin love lance
Bending to the will of the one eyed purple warrior
Spew from the column of delight
Honking bobo
Riding the one eyed wonder horse
Saying hello to my little friend
Prostate Maintenance
Honking the burrito
Pickle dancing
Skipping rocks off the lake of love
Shaving the cucumber
Faxing a hard copy to the Castro
Walking the dog
Using the Force
Flogging the dolphin
Whipping up some baby batter
Feeding your trouser-mouse
Jolting the bean
Cock the cannon
Supply and Demand
Putting mayo on the knuckle sandwich
Doing the hand-jive
Firing the photon torpedoes
Shooting putty at the moon
The sperm manicure
Putting the dog’s eye out
Rubbing the nub
Saying hi to big Jim and the twins
Verifying your manhood
Worshiping the fist prince
Yanking the penal cord
Flushing babies
The two fisted monkey slap
The blob blaster
Spewing crude
Wank your crank
Skanking the pickle
Smacking the pudge
Unrolling the turtle neck
Unsheathing the shlong
Shining the helmet
Dressing up like the mail man
Spit shining the trophy
Making love with miss Right
Spin the humming top
Letting off a few wrist rockets
Freeing the Willies
Petting the Parrot
Punching the Munchkin
Spanking the Monkey
Slapping the Salami
Choking the Chicken
Caressing the Cucumber
Doing the Mighty Wang Chung
Shining the Shaft
Tweaking the Totem Pole
Lubricating the Piston
Beating the Meat
Arming the Torpedo
Playing One Arm Bandit
Playing One Eyed Bandit
Playing the Skin Flute
Fondling the Fountain
Churning Butter
It’s the Middle School Rodeo
Knuckle Shuffle on the Piss Pump
Gushing the Geyser
Milking the Heifer
Squeezing the Squirrel
Jerking Off
Pulling the Pud
Pulling a Pee-Wee
Going Blind
Growing Hair on the Palms
Waxing the Dolphin
Beating the Bishop
Jerking the Gherkin
Whacking Off
Pounding the Pepperoni
Cleaning the Canoli
Special Saucing the Big Mac
Fondling the Fahita
Banging the Burrito
Heisting the Jewels
Hustling the Hog
Waxing the T-Bird
Polishing the Rocket
Getting Your Pole Varnished
Chaffing the chimp
Making the Meat-Whistle
Torching the Taliwacker
Giving it a Tug
Shaking Hands with the Unemployed
Beating the boner
Handling the hard on
Yanking your chain
Sanding the woody
Lubricating the love stick
Sharpening the pencil
Tickling old one-eye
Making the Cyclops fight the five headed monster until he cries
Grabbing the grouse
Spackling the ceiling
Bopping the baloney
Pumping the gas
Draining the main vein
Worshiping the finger prince
Pumping the revolver
Shooting the 6 shooter
Polishing the family jewels
Waxing your Rocket
Spilling milk
Working the glue stick
Pleasing the turtle
Playing “hookey”
Walking the bearded one-eyed love dog
Beating the piss outta my best friend
Making a knuckle hot dog
Cuffing the carrot
Chugging the choo-choo
Making “Love” in the hand
Squeezing the cream out of the flesh Twinkie(tm)
Making Johnny Walker red
Playing Rumple Foreskin
Wrestling the Bald Headed Champ
Punching the Clown
Plucking the duck
Choking the snake
Tugging the Tapioca Tube
Getting to be better friends with Willy
Stretching before strenuous exercise
Taming Goliath
Corralling the Tadpoles
Jacking my Mule
Flogging yer dummy
Roughing up the suspect (‘Cause you know he’s guilty)
Putting miles on your monkey
Getting a little off-hand
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. “Is there something in particular I can show you?” he asked.
“Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa.”
“You mean a sectional sofa,” he suggested.
“Sectional schmectional.” she bitterly retorted. “All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
There is this French couple, sitting up talking, when the wife says to the
husband that it was time he had a conversation with their thirteen year
old son about the birds and the bees. So the father goes to his son’s room
and says “Son do you remember that session I arranged for you with
mademoiselle Ginette ?” “Oh yes papa, I remember very well” says the son.
“Well son it is time you knew that the birds and the bees do the same
thing”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
There’s a hooker in my cooker,
and boy, she is a quite a looker!
It started out, all last night,
when there was a great fight.
A guy was sporting a leopard-skin coat,
the girl was screaming like a goat.
The guy asked if I wanted a piece,
I said, “Good Lord, that cooch smells like cheese!”
The pimp swore that she was clean,
he also stated that she was mean.
So I took him up on that,
$45.00? For a bitch that fat?
We strolled up on up to my room
When the neighbors heard a SONIC BOOM!
The bed we were on, seemed to have broke,
God-Almighty, I popped that girl’s yolk!
Then all of a sudden she started to scream,
I yelled, “OMIGOD, I’m gonna cream!”
My sheets were drenched in semen and sweat,
I said, “Damn, bitch, yer twat’s wet!”
She got on all fours, and begged for more
I thought to myself, “Damn, what a whore!?”
So I got behind her, and gave her my stuff,
She began to huff and puff, then later she got rough.
She turned herself around, and showed me her tit
I said, “C’mon, baby, lemme get a little bit!”
She said, “Damn, baby, NOT SO HARD!”
So we started again, her tits shook like a tub-a-lard.
When we were done, we decided to lay down
All was quiet, there wasn’t any sound…
Then all of a sudden, we heard a knock at the door,
The people outside screamed, “Where is that whore?!”
I said, “Hurry up, bitch, get in the oven!”
She said, “C’mon, honey, quit wit’ da shovin!”
I let the people in, and they snooped around
They ask the question, “And who owns this gown?”
They said it must be hers, it smells like cheese!
I said, “C’mon guys, get out please.”
They asked what was the scent coming from the cooker,
I said to myself, “They’re gonna find that hooker!”
I said, “Its nothing, just my extra cheesy pizza.”
Someone yelled, “I betcha it’s that bitch Mitsa!”
They said, “Open the oven, we gotta take a look,”
I said, “C’mon guys, I gotta let my pizza cook!”
All of a sudden, I had a gun in my face,
“If you don’t open that oven, you’re brains will be all over the place”
I became scared, so I reached for a pot,
The last thing I heard was that gun shot.
When I woke up, I was laying in cream
And to my astonishment, it was a wet dream
I went to the kitchen to get a coffee-cup,
I heard a sound in the oven, I wonder what’s up…
I grab a knife, and slowly walk over
I think to myself, “Damn what’s that odor?”
I open the door, and to my dismay,
There was that bitch, saying, “I WANT MY PAY!”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
Love is a sensation; caused by a temptation; to feel penetration; a guy sticks his location; in a girl’s destination; to increase the population; for the next generation; did you get my explanation; or do you need a demonstration?
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
“Darling,” she whispered after they had finished making love,
“Will you still make love like that to me after we’re married ?”
He considered this for a moment, and then replied, “I think so.
I’ve always been especially fond of married women.”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
A man decides to have a party and invites lots of people, telling them to bring their friends. On the invitation he puts “Theme Party-Come as a Human Emotion.”
On the night of the party, the first guest arrives. He opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He says to this guy, “Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?”
The guy says, “I’m green with envy.”
The host replies, “Brilliant, come on in and have a drink.”
A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather bow wrapped round her most intimate parts. He says to this woman, “Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?”
And she replies, “I’m tickled pink.”
The host says, “I love it! Come on in and join the party.”
A couple of minutes later the doorbell rings for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two guys from New York, stark naked, one with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard and the other with his penis stuck in a pear.
The host is really shocked and says, “Guys, what the hell are you doing? You could get arrested for standing like that out there in the street. What emotion is this supposed to be?”
The first guy replies, “Well, I’m fuckin’ dis custid, and my friend here has come in dispair.”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night he doesn’t know what
to do. He’s fumbling around for a while, but finally his wife gets fed up
and says, “Jeb, ya big idiot! Yer s’pposed to take that thing you play
with and put it where I pee!”
… So he got his bowling bowl and threw it in the outhouse!
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
Unsure of Your Sex? Take This Quick Quiz:
1. Aside from getting sterilized, your birth control options are:
a. one
b. almost a dozen
2. When parking your car in a public garage you:
a. toss your keys jauntily to the attendant
b. hand your keys over politely
3. You haven’t shaved in 4 days. The resulting stubble can be construed as:
a. sexy
b. gross
4. At the doctor’s, a common request would be:
a. “Cough.”
b. “Would you like to scoot down just a little more dear?”
5. As a sporty person, you need athletic support with:
a. one cup
b. two cups
6. When you’re feeling insecure, what you say to your best friend is:
a. nothing
b. “Do I look fat?”
7. You’ve slept with several hundred people, one term used to describe you would be:
a. sports legend
b. tramp
8. The age it hits home that junk food will devastate your body is:
a. 35
b. 14
9. When you hear the words “hand wash,” the first thing that comes to your mind is:
a. your car
b. panty hose
10. It’s the seventh game of the playoffs, bottom of the ninth, score tied. Bases are loaded with 2 outs. The man at bat has a .311 average against southpaws, and the pitcher is a lefty. Your mate turns to you and says, “Do you want a back rub?” You are:
a. too busy screaming at the TV to even hear the question
b. daydreaming
11. Your idea of basic pump is:
a. an athletic shoe made by Nike
b. a heeled shoe made by Fayva
12. Multiple Orgasms are something you:
a. give
b. get
Your Score:
a = 1 point b = 2 points
0-12 Congratulations, you are a male. This means you have a greater lean muscle-to-fat ratio, earn most of the money, and a select few of your sex can look forward to being president someday.
13-24 Congratulations, you are a female. This means you will live longer, have your choice of wearing either pants or a skirt in polite company and a select few of your sex can look forward to being president someday.
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
A furrier from the US goes to Helsinki to buy furs.
He arranges for a hooker to be sent to his room.
When they’re done, he said, “I’m afraid my
Finnish isn’t too good.”
The hooker replied, “Your foreplay ain’t all
that hot either.”
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