Read all jokes from:Sex (+4816)

Having a session with the wise master

Hand start the one eyed yogurt thrower

Memory Bank Spank

Getting jiggy with it

Cleaning the snorkel

Mugging the Kojak Doll

Giving flipper a backrub

Making pudding’

Shaking hands with Mr. Happy

Making sewer babies

Dating the palm sisters

Cocking the Gun

Filling up the belly button well

Conditioning the leather

Rubbing one off

Satisfying King Solomon

Inflating the Zeppelin

Massaging the Marrionette, no strings attached

Extracting a core sample

Enforcing the “No Fly Zone”

Digital Manipulation of the Coital Apparatus

Testing out the magic love wand

The Rise and Fall of Peter the Great

Firing the Surgeon General

Squeaky the squirrel

Taking Herman to the circus

Freeing the soldiers of love

Boobytrapping a toilet seat

Galloping the lizard

Five finger boogie on the blue vein

Tickling little Tommy behind the ear

Walking the one eyed dog

Making gravy

Humping the old hand

Greasing The Baseball Bat

One man tug of War

Hang The Hamster

5 Digit Disco

Rocking the lil’ man in the boat

The disappearing cigar trick

Male polishing the stinger

Checking the tweeters

Shaking hands with the wife’s wedding present

Launching the heat seeking moisture missile

Filleting the trouser trout

Jerking my johnson

Lathering the Latin love lance

Bending to the will of the one eyed purple warrior

Spew from the column of delight

Honking bobo

Riding the one eyed wonder horse

Saying hello to my little friend

Prostate Maintenance

Honking the burrito

Pickle dancing

Skipping rocks off the lake of love

Shaving the cucumber

Faxing a hard copy to the Castro

Walking the dog

Using the Force

Flogging the dolphin

Whipping up some baby batter

Feeding your trouser-mouse

Jolting the bean

Cock the cannon

Supply and Demand

Putting mayo on the knuckle sandwich

Doing the hand-jive

Firing the photon torpedoes

Shooting putty at the moon

The sperm manicure

Putting the dog’s eye out

Rubbing the nub

Saying hi to big Jim and the twins

Verifying your manhood

Worshiping the fist prince

Yanking the penal cord

Flushing babies

The two fisted monkey slap

The blob blaster

Spewing crude

Wank your crank

Skanking the pickle

Smacking the pudge

Unrolling the turtle neck

Unsheathing the shlong

Shining the helmet

Dressing up like the mail man

Spit shining the trophy

Making love with miss Right

Spin the humming top

Letting off a few wrist rockets

Freeing the Willies

Petting the Parrot

Punching the Munchkin

Spanking the Monkey

Slapping the Salami

Choking the Chicken

Caressing the Cucumber

Doing the Mighty Wang Chung

Shining the Shaft

Tweaking the Totem Pole

Lubricating the Piston

Beating the Meat

Arming the Torpedo

Playing One Arm Bandit

Playing One Eyed Bandit

Playing the Skin Flute

Fondling the Fountain

Churning Butter

It’s the Middle School Rodeo

Knuckle Shuffle on the Piss Pump

Gushing the Geyser

Milking the Heifer

Squeezing the Squirrel

Jerking Off

Pulling the Pud

Pulling a Pee-Wee

Going Blind

Growing Hair on the Palms

Waxing the Dolphin

Beating the Bishop

Jerking the Gherkin

Whacking Off

Pounding the Pepperoni

Cleaning the Canoli

Special Saucing the Big Mac

Fondling the Fahita

Banging the Burrito

Heisting the Jewels

Hustling the Hog

Waxing the T-Bird

Polishing the Rocket

Getting Your Pole Varnished

Chaffing the chimp

Making the Meat-Whistle

Torching the Taliwacker

Giving it a Tug

Shaking Hands with the Unemployed

Beating the boner

Handling the hard on

Yanking your chain

Sanding the woody

Lubricating the love stick

Sharpening the pencil

Tickling old one-eye

Making the Cyclops fight the five headed monster until he cries

Grabbing the grouse

Spackling the ceiling

Bopping the baloney

Pumping the gas

Draining the main vein

Worshiping the finger prince

Pumping the revolver

Shooting the 6 shooter

Polishing the family jewels

Waxing your Rocket

Spilling milk

Working the glue stick

Pleasing the turtle

Playing “hookey”

Walking the bearded one-eyed love dog

Beating the piss outta my best friend

Making a knuckle hot dog

Cuffing the carrot

Chugging the choo-choo

Making “Love” in the hand

Squeezing the cream out of the flesh Twinkie(tm)

Making Johnny Walker red

Playing Rumple Foreskin

Wrestling the Bald Headed Champ

Punching the Clown

Plucking the duck

Choking the snake

Tugging the Tapioca Tube

Getting to be better friends with Willy

Stretching before strenuous exercise

Taming Goliath

Corralling the Tadpoles

Jacking my Mule

Flogging yer dummy

Roughing up the suspect (‘Cause you know he’s guilty)

Putting miles on your monkey

Getting a little off-hand




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Read all jokes from:Sex (+4816)

An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. “Is there something in particular I can show you?” he asked.

“Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa.”

“You mean a sectional sofa,” he suggested.

“Sectional schmectional.” she bitterly retorted. “All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!”




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Read all jokes from:Sex (+4816)

There is this French couple, sitting up talking, when the wife says to the
husband that it was time he had a conversation with their thirteen year
old son about the birds and the bees. So the father goes to his son’s room
and says “Son do you remember that session I arranged for you with
mademoiselle Ginette ?” “Oh yes papa, I remember very well” says the son.
“Well son it is time you knew that the birds and the bees do the same
thing”




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Read all jokes from:Sex (+4816)

There’s a hooker in my cooker,
and boy, she is a quite a looker!
It started out, all last night,
when there was a great fight.

A guy was sporting a leopard-skin coat,
the girl was screaming like a goat.
The guy asked if I wanted a piece,
I said, “Good Lord, that cooch smells like cheese!”

The pimp swore that she was clean,
he also stated that she was mean.
So I took him up on that,
$45.00? For a bitch that fat?

We strolled up on up to my room
When the neighbors heard a SONIC BOOM!
The bed we were on, seemed to have broke,
God-Almighty, I popped that girl’s yolk!

Then all of a sudden she started to scream,
I yelled, “OMIGOD, I’m gonna cream!”
My sheets were drenched in semen and sweat,
I said, “Damn, bitch, yer twat’s wet!”

She got on all fours, and begged for more
I thought to myself, “Damn, what a whore!?”
So I got behind her, and gave her my stuff,
She began to huff and puff, then later she got rough.

She turned herself around, and showed me her tit
I said, “C’mon, baby, lemme get a little bit!”
She said, “Damn, baby, NOT SO HARD!”
So we started again, her tits shook like a tub-a-lard.

When we were done, we decided to lay down
All was quiet, there wasn’t any sound…
Then all of a sudden, we heard a knock at the door,
The people outside screamed, “Where is that whore?!”

I said, “Hurry up, bitch, get in the oven!”
She said, “C’mon, honey, quit wit’ da shovin!”
I let the people in, and they snooped around
They ask the question, “And who owns this gown?”

They said it must be hers, it smells like cheese!
I said, “C’mon guys, get out please.”
They asked what was the scent coming from the cooker,
I said to myself, “They’re gonna find that hooker!”

I said, “Its nothing, just my extra cheesy pizza.”
Someone yelled, “I betcha it’s that bitch Mitsa!”
They said, “Open the oven, we gotta take a look,”
I said, “C’mon guys, I gotta let my pizza cook!”

All of a sudden, I had a gun in my face,
“If you don’t open that oven, you’re brains will be all over the place”
I became scared, so I reached for a pot,
The last thing I heard was that gun shot.

When I woke up, I was laying in cream
And to my astonishment, it was a wet dream
I went to the kitchen to get a coffee-cup,
I heard a sound in the oven, I wonder what’s up…

I grab a knife, and slowly walk over
I think to myself, “Damn what’s that odor?”
I open the door, and to my dismay,
There was that bitch, saying, “I WANT MY PAY!”




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Read all jokes from:Sex (+4816)

Love is a sensation; caused by a temptation; to feel penetration; a guy sticks his location; in a girl’s destination; to increase the population; for the next generation; did you get my explanation; or do you need a demonstration?




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Read all jokes from:Sex (+4816)

“Darling,” she whispered after they had finished making love,
“Will you still make love like that to me after we’re married ?”

He considered this for a moment, and then replied, “I think so.
I’ve always been especially fond of married women.”




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Read all jokes from:Sex (+4816)

A man decides to have a party and invites lots of people, telling them to bring their friends. On the invitation he puts “Theme Party-Come as a Human Emotion.”

On the night of the party, the first guest arrives. He opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He says to this guy, “Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?”

The guy says, “I’m green with envy.”

The host replies, “Brilliant, come on in and have a drink.”

A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather bow wrapped round her most intimate parts. He says to this woman, “Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?”

And she replies, “I’m tickled pink.”

The host says, “I love it! Come on in and join the party.”

A couple of minutes later the doorbell rings for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two guys from New York, stark naked, one with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard and the other with his penis stuck in a pear.

The host is really shocked and says, “Guys, what the hell are you doing? You could get arrested for standing like that out there in the street. What emotion is this supposed to be?”

The first guy replies, “Well, I’m fuckin’ dis custid, and my friend here has come in dispair.”




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Read all jokes from:Sex (+4816)

This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night he doesn’t know what
to do. He’s fumbling around for a while, but finally his wife gets fed up
and says, “Jeb, ya big idiot! Yer s’pposed to take that thing you play
with and put it where I pee!”

… So he got his bowling bowl and threw it in the outhouse!




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Read all jokes from:Sex (+4816)

Unsure of Your Sex? Take This Quick Quiz:

1. Aside from getting sterilized, your birth control options are:

a. one
b. almost a dozen

2. When parking your car in a public garage you:

a. toss your keys jauntily to the attendant
b. hand your keys over politely

3. You haven’t shaved in 4 days. The resulting stubble can be construed as:

a. sexy
b. gross

4. At the doctor’s, a common request would be:

a. “Cough.”
b. “Would you like to scoot down just a little more dear?”

5. As a sporty person, you need athletic support with:

a. one cup
b. two cups

6. When you’re feeling insecure, what you say to your best friend is:

a. nothing
b. “Do I look fat?”

7. You’ve slept with several hundred people, one term used to describe you would be:

a. sports legend
b. tramp

8. The age it hits home that junk food will devastate your body is:

a. 35
b. 14

9. When you hear the words “hand wash,” the first thing that comes to your mind is:

a. your car
b. panty hose

10. It’s the seventh game of the playoffs, bottom of the ninth, score tied. Bases are loaded with 2 outs. The man at bat has a .311 average against southpaws, and the pitcher is a lefty. Your mate turns to you and says, “Do you want a back rub?” You are:

a. too busy screaming at the TV to even hear the question
b. daydreaming

11. Your idea of basic pump is:

a. an athletic shoe made by Nike
b. a heeled shoe made by Fayva

12. Multiple Orgasms are something you:

a. give
b. get

Your Score:

a = 1 point b = 2 points

0-12 Congratulations, you are a male. This means you have a greater lean muscle-to-fat ratio, earn most of the money, and a select few of your sex can look forward to being president someday.

13-24 Congratulations, you are a female. This means you will live longer, have your choice of wearing either pants or a skirt in polite company and a select few of your sex can look forward to being president someday.




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Read all jokes from:Sex (+4816)

A furrier from the US goes to Helsinki to buy furs.
He arranges for a hooker to be sent to his room.

When they’re done, he said, “I’m afraid my
Finnish isn’t too good.”

The hooker replied, “Your foreplay ain’t all
that hot either.”




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