Read all jokes from: Redneck (+1459)
Dear Mull,
I am rightin’ this here letter slow as I know ya cain’t read fast. Me and my wife and the kids and 6 dogs went and moved last week. I took the house numbers with us so we don’t have to do one of them there address changes. I got me a good job here. I finally got to be a pilot. I work for Daniel’s Tree Service. They cut the wood and I pilot. Things here are about the same.
We took Grandma to the doctor so she could get Grandpa some of them Viagra pills. She slipped them into his coffee so he wouldn’t know. He went crazy. He grabbed her and ripped her clothes off right there in front of all us. He throwed everything off the table and kept taking her over and over again. Grandma said the sex was great but she is upset that the people at McDonalds said we couldn’t come back no more.
I went whorse back riddin’ the other day. I’m lucky to be alive. That whorse took off and I almost fell off. I was hangin’ on for my life and screamin’ my head off. I don’t know what I’d done if that manager from K-Mart hadn’t come out and unplugged it.
Right back soon and remember we love ya.
Yer Sun – Brandon
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Read all jokes from: Redneck (+1459)
Finals of National poetry had arrived. 2 contestants were left, one from Harvard University, one a redneck from Dimville, Texas.
Rules stated that each was to compose a 4-line poem in one minute or less – the catch? The poem had to use the word “Timbuktu”
Harvard Man went first. 30 seconds after the clock started he got up and recited his poem.
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination – Timbuktu.
The audience went Crazy. How, they wondered could the redneck could top that?
The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought.
Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:
Tim and me, a-huntin’ went…
Met three whores in a pop-up tent…
They was three, we was two…
So I bucked one and Timbuktu…
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Read all jokes from: Men vs. Women (+5689), Redneck (+1459)
* your spreader bar says “Smith & Wesson” down the side.
* your bondage rope has axle grease stains.
* you named your dog the same name as your submissive, so you could remember both of their names.
* your nipple clamps look suspiciously like the clamps for your jumper cables.
* you can’t suspend your sub from the ceiling because she weighs more than the load capacity for your trailer.
* your sub accidently screams out the names of your brothers Bubba, Billy, and Bobby before she remembers yours in a moment of passion.
* you use the hood of the El Camino on blocks in your front yard as a bondage table.
* you require you submissive to wipe the rim of your Budweiser bottle with her sleeve before she kisses it to serve you.
* you fix the squeaking headboard with duct tape.
* you can only give 10 swats at a time because you want to count the strokes and don’t want to take your work boots off.
* your submissive makes a dentist appointment and you’re afraid it might mean she is looking for a new dom.
* you decide to surprise your submissive with an extra special location for her collaring, so you take her to Graceland.
* you accidently get your submissive with your belt buckle during a whipping, and it leaves a Budweiser logo imprint on her ass.
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Read all jokes from: Redneck (+1459)
A couple of rednecks went on vacation in Colorado. They flew to Denver and rented a car to sight see. One of the sights was a bridge that was more than 1,000 feet above the river. Walking out onto the bridge, they noticed it swaying in the wind.
“I don’t think I want to drive the car across this bridge,” one said to the other.
“What are you worried about”? the second replied. “It’s a rental.”
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Read all jokes from: Redneck (+1459)
1. The clitoris is a type of flower.
True or False
2. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.
True or False
3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird.
True or False
4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack.
True or False
5. A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
True or False
6. A G-string is part of a fiddle.
True or False
7. Semen is a term for sailors.
True or False
8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly.
True or False
9. Testicles are found on an Octopus.
True or False
10. Asphalt describes rectal problems.
True or False
11. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati.
True or False
12. Masturbate is used to catch large fish.
True or False
13. Coitus is a musical instrument.
True or False
14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke.
True or False
15. An umbilical chord is part of a parachute.
True or False
16. A condom is a large apartment complex.
True or False
17. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir.
True or False
18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.
True or False
19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle.
True or False
20. An erection is when Japanese people vote.
True or False
21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.
True or False
22. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass.
True or False
23. Pornography is the business of making records.
True or False
24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin.
True or False
25. Douche is the French word for “twelve”.
True or False
No need to keep score. You know who you are!
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Read all jokes from: Lists (+730), Redneck (+1459)
You videotape fishing shows.
You view duct tape as a long-term investment.
You view the next family reunion as a chance to meet girls.
You wait all night to shoot one mouse with your grandma’s BB gun.
You wake up in the morning already dressed for work.
You wake up the day after your wedding to find your sister next to you.
You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
You wake up with chocolate in your ears after spending the night in a fine hotel.
You walk the ends off your jeans instead of hemming them.
You want the opening day of deer hunting season to be declared a national holiday.
You wash your truck in a mud puddle.
You watch “The Dukes Of Hazzard” and have to find someone to explain it to you.
You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.
You watch Jerry Springer to see if any of your relatives are on the show today.
You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
You wax your eyebrows with duck tape.
You wear a tank top to your mother’s funeral.
You wear a tube top to a wedding.
You wear camouflage pants with a plaid flannel shirt and combat boots.
You wear cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
You wear flannel shirts no matter what season it is.
You wear knee-high stockings with a skirt.
You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
You wear your Mom’s dress that she wore at her funeral.
You wear your softball uniform even on the days you’re not playing.
You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45′s.
You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 8-tracks.
You were allowed to drink beer and date the teacher all through high school.
You were born and raised in a pickup truck.
You were born with a plastic spoon in your mouth.
You were expelled from summer school.
You were just married and you have nothing but empty Skoal cans strung from your bumper as you leave the church.
You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
You were taught to put your underwear on yellow in front, brown behind.
You were too drunk to fish
You whistle to get the attention of your waiter or waitress.
You win the lottery and buy a doublewide trailor.
You wipe your feet before you walk out of your house.
You wish your outhouse were as nice as those at the state park.
You won’t get your dog “fixed” because you never no when someone might want him to stud.
You won’t stop at a rest area you have an empty beer can in the car.
You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean.
You wonder why there isn’t a hairstyle called “The Hat Line.”
You wore a baseball cap to the opera.
You wore camoflauge to your wedding.
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Read all jokes from: Redneck (+1459)
Q: Why is it so difficult to take a group photo of a bunch of West Virginians?
A: Because everytime the photographer yells “Cheese!” they all line up!’
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Read all jokes from: Redneck (+1459)
In the back woods of Arkansas, a redneck’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night. A doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous redneck busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.”
Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
“Whoa there Enus!” said the doctor. “Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down…I think there’s yet another wee one to come.”
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.
“No, no, don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man…It seems there’s yet another one besides!” cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor, “Do ye think it’s dat der light that’s attractin”em?”
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Read all jokes from: Redneck (+1459)
At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.
“Well,” Bubba began, “We wuz havin’ a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, ‘Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?’”
“And then what happened?” the officer interrupted.
“From what I remember,” Bubba said, “I stood up and said, ‘Sure, I’m game.’”
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Read all jokes from: Redneck (+1459)
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough(they could not afford a larger double wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn’t want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Alabamian said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest man, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.”
So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.
Figuring that both learned physicians couldn’t be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count.
“1, 2, 3, 4, 5… . “, at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
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