Read all jokes from: Stories (+318)
In Ottumwa, Iowa, “It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unacquainted.”
In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.
In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.
In Carmel, N.Y., a man can’t go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.
In St. Louis, it’s illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket.
In Hartford, Conn., you aren’t allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands.
In Chico, California, the city council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
In Baltimore, it’s illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits. It’s also illegal to take a lion to the movies.
In Oxford, Ohio, it’s illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man’s picture.
In Carrizozo, N.M., it’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (includes legs and face).
In Pennsylvania it is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel…however up to 120 men can live together, without breaking the law.
In Michigan, a woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.
In New York, it is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun.
The state of Washington has passed a law stating it is illegal to paint polka dots on the American flag.
In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle in Connecticut, it must bounce.
To keep any of the incarcerated beast from picking up bad habits, the town of Manville, NJ decreed that it is illegal to feed whiskey or offer cigarettes to animals at the local zoo.
If you sell hollow logs in Tennessee, you are breaking the law.
Compulsive gamblers stay out of Richmond, VA: it is even illegal to flip a coin in a restaurant to see who pays for the coffee.
Don’t bother the butterflies in Pacific Grove, CA unless you have an extra $500 for the offense.
The same is true for bullfrogs and cottontails in Hayden, AZ. Disturbing them in the city limits is against the law.
Have it your way, but don’t share it in OK. This state forbids a person from taking a bite out of another person’s hamburger.
Need a radio on Sunday? In Spokane, WA, you can buy one on the Sabbath, but forget about purchasing a television!
In the state of New York, you need a license to use a clothesline outdoors.
What happens to doughnut holes? Well, they won’t be found in Lehigh NE. Selling doughnut holes in this city is verboten.
And if any retirees from the circus are thinking about settling down and farming in NC, they are forewarned right here and now that it is against the law in this state to use elephants to plow cotton fields!
It is illegal to take more than 2 baths a month within Boston confines.
In Calgary there is a by-law that is still on the books that requires businesses within the city to provide rails for tying up horses.
In the England it is illegal to sell most goods on a Sunday, (this law is mostly ignored), it is however legal to sell a carrot. It is also legal to sell it at any price and to give free gifts with it, such as anything else one might want to buy on a Sunday!
In certain sections of Pennsylvania many years ago, the Farmer’s Anti-Automobile society set up some “rules of the road.” In effect, they said:
a. “Automobiles traveling on country roads at night must send up a rocket every mile, then wait ten minutes for the road to clear.”
b. “If a driver sees a team of horses, he is to pull to one side of the road and cover his machine with a blanket or dust cover that has been painted to blend into the scenery.”
c. “In the event that a horse refuses to pass a car on the road, the owner must take his car apart and conceal the parts in the bushes.”
Utah: It is against the law to fish from horseback.
In Bexley, Ohio, the installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses is prohibited.
Indiana: Back in 1924, a monkey was convicted in South Bend of the crime of smoking a cigarette and sentenced to pay a $25 dollar fine and the trial costs.
No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas.
California: In 1930, the City Council of Ontario passed an ordinance, forbidding roosters to crow within the city limits.
In Harthahorne Oklahoma, City Ordinance states that it shall be unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.
In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
In Gary, Ind., persons are prohibited from attending a movie house or other theater and from riding a public streetcar within four hours of eating garlic.
In Miami, it’s illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
In Detroit, couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple’s own property.
In Hartford, Conn., you aren’t allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands.
In Nicholas County, W. Va., no member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during a church service.
In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
In Los Angeles, a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can’t be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife’s consent to beat her with a wider strap.
In Kentucky, “No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club” An amendment to the above legislation: “The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses.”
In Grand Haven, Michigan, no person shall throw an abandoned hoop skirt into any street or on any sidewalk, under penalty of a five- dollar fine for each offense.
In Russell, Kansas, it is against the law to have a musical car horn.
A Glendale, California, ordinance permits horror films to be shown only on Mondays, Tuesdays, or Wednesdays.
Cicero, Illinois, prohibits humming on public streets on Sundays.
Hunting with a rifle is permitted in Norfolk County, Virginia – provided that the hunter is fifteen feet off the ground.
You may water your lawn on Staten Island, New York, provided that you hold the hose in your hand while doing so; but to lay a hose on the lawn or to use a sprinkler for watering your lawn is unlawful.
Clinton County, Ohio, calls for a fine for anyone caught leaning against a public building.
Loins may not be taken to the theater in Maryland.
Abilene, Texas, makes it illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.
In TX: It is illegal to walk around with a concealed ice cream cone.
In Carmel, CA, it is illegal to eat ice cream while standing on the sidewalk.
In Prunedale, CA, it is illegal to have two indoor bathtubs in your house.
15 views |
|
|
 Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Stories (+318)
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it!)
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like it!)
A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig!)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories for an hour. (Still not over that pig thing!)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling? And, why isn’t the pig included in this list?)
On average people fear spiders more than they do death. (YEP !)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmm…)
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 3 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of…?) (Did the gov ‘t pay for this research??)
Polar bears are left handed. (Who knew…? Who cares!)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field.
A cockroach will live nine days without it’s head, before it starves to death.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off. (“Honey, I’m home. What the…”)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life I still want to be a pig… quality over quantity!)
Butterflies taste with their feet. (Oh, jeez!)
Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump. (Duh.)
An ostrich’s eye is bigger than it’s brain. (I know some people like that.)
Starfish don’t have brains. (I know some people like that too!)
22 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Stories (+318)
Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of that year’s incoming freshmen. Here’s the year 2000′s list:
1. The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1981.
2. They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and did not know he had ever been shot.
3. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.
4. Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.
5. There has been only one Pope. They can only really remember one president.
6. They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember the Cold War.
7. They have never feared a nuclear war. “The Day After” is a pill to them, not a movie.
8. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up, and Tiananmen Square means nothing to them.
9. Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
10. They never had a Polio shot, and likely do not know what it is.
11. Bottle caps have not only always been screw off, but have always been plastic. They have no idea what a pull-top can looks like.
12. Atari pre-dates them, as do vinyl albums.
13. The expression “you sound like a broken record” means nothing to them.
14. They have never owned a record player.
15. They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Pong.
16. Star Wars look very fake to them, and the special effects are pathetic.
17. There have always been red M&Ms, and blue ones are not new. What do you mean there used to be beige ones?
18. They may have heard of an 8-track, but chances are they probably never have actually seen or heard one.
19. The Compact Disc was introduced when they were 1 year old.
20. As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents.
21. They have always had an answering machine.
22. Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black-and-white TV.
23. They have always had cable.
24. There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what BETA is.
25. They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
26. They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony.
27. Roller-skating has always meant inline for them.
28. The Tonight Show has always been with Jay Leno.
29. They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.
30. Popcorn has always been cooked in a microwave.
31. They have never seen Larry Bird play, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a football player.
32. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
33. The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WWI, WWII, or even the Civil War.
34. They have no idea Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.
35. They can’t imagine what hard contact lenses are.
36. They don’t know who Mork was or where he was from.
37. They never heard the terms: “Where’s the beef?”, “I’d walk a mile for a Camel,” or “de plane, de plane!”
38. They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. is.
39. The Titanic was found? I thought we always knew where it was.
40. Michael Jackson has always been white.
41. Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not groups.
42. McDonald’s never came in styrofoam containers.
43. There has always been MTV
20 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Stories (+318)
Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
21% of us don’t make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
85% of men don’t use the slit in their underwear.
67.5% of men wear tightie whities (briefs).
The average bra size today is 36C whereas 10 years ago it was a 34B.
85% of women wear the wrong bra size.
3/4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to higher denominations.
13% of us admit to occasionally doing our offspring’s homework.
91% of us lie regularly. (no we don’t)
27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
29% admit they’ve intentionally stolen something from a store.
50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high prices of snack foods.
90% believe in divine retribution.
10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
82% believe in an afterlife.
45% believe in ghosts.
13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.
29% of us are virgins when we marry.(and most regret that)
58.4% have called into work sick when we weren’t.
10% of us switch tags in the store to pay less for an item.
Over 50% believe in spanking – but only a child over 2 years old.
35% give to charity at least once a month.
How far would you go for $10 million? 25% would abandon their friends, family, and religion.
7% would murder.
69% eat the cake before the frosting.
When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the carton.
85% of us will eat Spam this year.
70% of us drink orange juice daily.
The most popular candy is Snickers.
22% of us skip lunch daily.
9% of us skip breakfast daily.
66% of us eat cereal regularly.
22% of all restaurant meals include French fries.
14% of us eat the watermelon seeds.
Only 13% brush our teeth from side to side.
45% use mouthwash every day.
22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink.
The typical shower is 101 degrees F.
Nearly 1/3 of US women color their hair.
9% of women and 8% of men have had cosmetic surgery.
53% of women will not leave the house without makeup on.
58% of women paint their nails regularly.
62% of us pop our zits.
33% of women lie about their weight. (Only 33%?liars)
10% of us claim to have seen a ghost.
57% have had deja vu.
49% believe in ESP.
4 out of 5 of us have suffered from hemorrhoids.
The average girl starts her period at age 12.
44% have broken a bone.
Only 30% of us know our cholesterol level.
14% have attended a self-help meeting.
15% regularly go to a shrink.
78% would rather die quickly than live in a retirement home.
46.5% of men say they always put the seat down after they’ve used the toilet, yet women claim to always find it up.
30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat.
54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet.
23.5% admit they don’t always flush.
45.2% pee in the shower.
44.9% pee in the ocean.
28.1% pee in the pool.
55.2% will let someone else come in the bathroom while they’re sitting the toilet.
39% of us peek in our host’s bathroom cabinet.
17% have been caught by the host.
81.3% would tell an acquaintance to zip his pants.
29% of us ignore RSVP.
71.6% of us eavesdrop.
22% are functionally illiterate.
Less than 10% are trilingual.
37% claim to know how to use all the features on their VCR.
53% prefer ATM machines to tellers.
56% of women do the bills in a marriage.
2 out of 3 of us wouldn’t give up our spouse even for a night for a million bucks.(and the 3rd wont have a spouse to give much longer)
20% of us have played in a band at one time in our life.
40% of us have had music lessons.
44% reuse tinfoil.
57% save pretty gift paper to reuse.
66% of women and 59% of men have used a mix to cook and taken credit for doing it from scratch.
53% read their horoscopes regularly.
16% of us have forgotten our own wedding anniversary (mostly men). . . (okay only men).
59% of us say we’re average looking.
Blacks are more than twice as likely to call themselves beautiful(well we are).
90% of us depend on alarm clocks to wake us.
53% of us would take advice from Ann Landers.
28% of us have skinny-dipped. 14% with the opposite sex.
51% of adults dress up for a Halloween festivity.
On average, we send 38 Christmas cards every year.
20% of women consider their parents to be their best friends.
2 out of 5 have married their first love.
The biggest cause of matrimonial fighting is money.
Only 4% asked the parents’ approval for their bride’s hand.
1 in 5 men proposed on his knees.
6% propose over the phone.
71% can drive a stick-shift car.
45% of us consistently follow the speed limit.
2/3 of us speed up at a yellow light.
1/3 of us don’t wear seat belts.
12% of men never use their car blinkers.
44% of men tailgate to speed up the person in front of them.
25% of us drive after we’ve been drinking.
4 out of 5 sing in the car.
16 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Stories (+318)
10,501 Americans are born.
5,937 Americans die.
4,637 illegal aliens are apprehended trying to cross the US border.
4,481 are Mexican.
$412,104 is spent by the US border patrol, about $89 per alien apprehended.
39,109 pounds of marijuana are brought into the US.
Of this, 3,911 pounds are seized by the DEA, about 10%.
2,239 pounds of cocaine are brought into the US.
Of this, 224 pounds are seized by the DEA, about 10%.
There are 290 drug-related emergency-room incidents; of these,
14 are caused by marijuana
Aspirin causes 15
Valium causes 23
58 are caused by alcohol in combination
10 result in death.
256 Americans die in accidents, of these,
133 die in motor-vehicle accidents
55 die from exposure to household radon gas
6 die in construction accidents
5 die in firearms accidents
American children watch 3.5 hours of television; during which time they will see,
5 alcohol commercials
22 acts of violence
38 sexual references and innuendoes
29 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Stories (+318)
If we could shrink the earth’s population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following:
There would be: 57 Asians, 21 Europeans, 14 from the Western Hemisphere, and 8 Africans
52 would be female, 48 would be male
70 would be nonwhite, 30 would be white
70 would be non-Christian, 30 would be Christian
89 would be heterosexual, 11 would be homosexual
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world’s wealth and all 6 would be from the United States
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer
28 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Stories (+318)
Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078
16-July-1998
Dear Sir:
Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled “211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull.”
We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents “conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago.”
Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the “Malibu Barbie”. It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to it’s modern origin:
The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.
The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.
The dentition pattern evident on the “skull” is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the “ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams” you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.
This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:
1 – The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
2 – Clams don’t have teeth.
It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in it’s normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating’s notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record.
To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation’s Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name “Australopithecus spiff-arino.”
Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn’t really sound like it might be Latin.
However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly.
You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard.
We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation’s capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it.
We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the “trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix” that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus Rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.
Yours in Science,
Harvey Rowe
Curator, Antiquities
16 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Stories (+318)
Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions.
Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties – or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat ass waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website… HOW? I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes – an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools – such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived… six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it. I estimate your Internet servers downtime is roughly 35%… hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend.
I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman…and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to.
Frankly I don’t care; it’s far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
I thought British Telecom were sh*t, that they had attained the holy p*ss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That’s why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn’t anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum – incompetents of the highest order.
BT – wankers though they are – shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services, which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver- any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit – they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it’s worthless employees.
Have a nice day – may it be the last in your miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of tw*ts.
10 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Stories (+318)
Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean Play.
The first little boy was to say “My fair maiden…I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope”.
The second little boy was to reply by saying “Hark! a pistol shot.”
Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown-ups. The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up. The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys were terrified! .
They stood there frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin. The first boy yelled out those unforgettable words…
“My fair maiden…I have come to kiss your snatch!.. and fill your hole with soap.”
The second boy screams out…”Hark! a shistol pot, a postle shiss, a pot of sh*t, horse sh*t, cow sh*t, bull sh*t…I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway…”
The audience left howling.
30 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Stories (+318)
Questions asked on the show ‘Family Fortunes’, and the contestants’ replies… enjoy.
Q. Name something a blind person might use
A. A sword
Q. Name a song with moon in the title
A. Blue Suede Moon
Q. Name a bird with a long neck
A. Naomi Campbell
Q. Name an occupation where you need a torch
A. A burglar
Q. Name a famous brother and sister
A. Bonnie & Clyde
Q. Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers
A. A horse
Q. Name something that floats in the bath
A. Water
Q. Name something you wear on the beach
A. A deckchair
Q. Name something Red
A. My cardigan
Q. Name a famous cowboy
A. Buck Rogers
Q. Name a number you have to memorize
A. 7
Q. Name something you do before going to bed
A. Sleep
Q. Name something you put on walls
A. Roofs
Q. Name something in the garden that’s green
A. Shed
Q. Name something that flies that doesn’t have an engine
A. A bicycle with wings
Q. Name something you might be allergic to
A. Skiing
Q. Name a famous bridge
A. The bridge over troubled waters
Q. Name something you do in the bathroom
A. Decorate
Q. Name an animal you might see at the zoo
A. A dog
Q. Name something associated with the police
A. Pigs
Q. Name a sign of the zodiac
A. April
Q. Name something slippery
A. A conman
Q. Name a kind of ache
A. Fillet ‘O’ Fish
Q. Name a food that can be brown or white
A. Potato
Q. Name a jacket potato topping
A. Jam
Q. Name a famous Scotsman
A. Jock
Q. Name another famous Scotsman
A. Vinnie Jones (English Footballer… not so famous)
Q. Name something with a hole in it
A. Window
Q. Name a non-living object with legs
A. Plant
Q. Name a domestic animal
A. Leopard
Q. Name a part of the body beginning with ‘N’
A. Knee
Q. Name a way of cooking fish
A. Cod
Q. Name a famous royal
A. Mail
Q. Name a dangerous race
A. The Arabs
Q. A job a working dog does
A. Slave
Q. A type of large cat
A. Persian
Q. A type of record
A. Floppy disc
[To a contestant who was a SOUP salesman]
Q. A food that can be easily eaten without chewing
A. Er, chips?
Q. Something you beat
A. An apple
Q. Something slippery
A. A con-man
Q. A form of transport you can walk around in
A. My foot
Q. A method of securing your home
A. Put the kettle on
Q. Something a cat does
A. Goes to the toilet
Q. An animal beginning with the letter B
A. Bullfrog
Q. The last thing you take off before going to bed
A. Your feet
Q. Something that makes you scream
A. A squirrel
Q. Something with a red light on it
A. A Dalek [monster in Brit sci-fi series Dr. Who]
Q. Something you open other than a door
A. Your bowels.
67 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
|
