Read all jokes from: Travel (+294)
I would like to share an old Native Canadian chant. Each year during the first week of April, the Native Canadians would wake up at sunrise and repeat their chant over and over. They this powerful chant primarily for three very important reasons:
1. To ensure that their crops are bountiful and will keep them and their families fed all year;
2. To ward off harm/evil;
3. And gain great wisdom.
It goes like this:
Oooooh waaaaah (pause)
Taaaaa foooooo (pause)
Lie aaaammmm (pause)
Now repeat it without the pause. As you repeat it more often and more quickly, its message becomes clear and you will become wise! Try it. It works very well and very quickly!!!
19 views |
|
|
 Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Travel (+294)
- The wind is faster than your truck.
- Every other vehicle is a 4×4.
- When the sun goes down you start looking for your coat.
- In March, your vehicle is 43% mud.
- You leave your keys in the car and the next morning it’s still there.
- You installed your new computer using a Leatherman tool.
- You hear the words “stream” or “brook” pronounced “crick.”
- The elevation exceeds the population.
- You’ve broken down on the highway and somebody stops to help you.
- You can see the stars at night.
- People drive 200 miles to shop in a real mall.
- Your great grandmother is older than the courthouse.
- You got a set of snow tires for Valentines Day.
- The bumper jack in your pickup will lift a house.
- Your back yard smells like sagebrush or various animals.
- A girls’ basketball game fills the gym.
- You slept through the night unawakened by a siren.
- A rodeo is more popular than a rock concert.
- You can fish, golf, and go skiing all in the same day if you try hard enough.
- Yellow light means “follow the car in front of you no matter what.”
- Democrats are like salmon, they are on the endangered species list.
- You wave to someone on the freeway because you recognize the truck.
- You talk about a combine and people don’t wonder what you are putting together.
- In the spring, every tenth car you pass is a tractor.
- When the car in front of you is weaving you suspect a farmer instead of a drunk.
- Maps and gloves are kept in your vehicle’s “jocky box.”
- You can choose plastic bags or paper sacks for your groceries.
- You have to wait for a flock of sheep to pass you on the road.
- You know why people pay money to watch “pig wrestling.”
12 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Travel (+294)
- Your co-worker tells you she/he has 8 body piercings but none are visible.
- You make over $100,000 and still can’t afford a house.
- You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
- You can’t remember … is pot illegal?
- You’ve been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
- You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.
- A really great parking space can move you to tears.
- You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits.
- Your child’s 3rd grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and is named “Breeze.” And, after telling that to a friend, they still need to ask if the teacher is male or female.
- A man walks on MUNI in full leather regalia and crotch less chaps. You don’t notice.
- A woman walks on MUNI with live poultry. You don’t notice.
- You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist.
- You keep a list of companies to boycott.
- Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy in drag.
17 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Travel (+294)
An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds.
“Aaah!” he said. “We’re right over my homeland.”
“How can you tell?” asked the American.
“I can feel the cold air,” he replied.
A few hours later the African man put his hand through the clouds. “Aah we’re right over my homeland,” he said.
“How do you know that?” asked the Russian.
“I can feel the heat of the desert.”
Several more hours later the American put his hand through the clouds. “Aah, we’re right over New York.”
The Russian and the African were amazed.
“How do you know all of that?!” they exclaimed.
The American pulled his hand up and said, “My watch is missing.”
12 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Travel (+294)
- The crawdad mounds in your front yard have over taken the grass.
- You greet people with “Howzyamomma’an’dem?” and hear back “Dey fine!”
- Every so often, you have waterfront property.
- When giving directions you use words like “uptown,” “downtown,” “backatown,” “riverside,” “lakeside,” “other side of the bayou” or “other side of the levee.”
- When you refer to a geographical location “way up North,” you are referring to places like Shreveport, Little Rock or Memphis, “where it gets real cold.”
- You’ve ever had Community Coffee.
- You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can’t spell it. (also, Thibideaux, Opelousas, Ponchartrain, Ouachita, Atchafalaya)
- You don’t worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than the top of your house.
- You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used. (Amen!)
- The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried oyster po-boy “dressed” is healthier than a Caesar salad.
- You know the definition of “dressed.”
- You can eat Popeye’s, Haydel’s and Zapp’s for lunch and wash it down with Barq’s and several Abitas, without losing it all on your stoop.
- The four seasons in your year are: crawfish, shrimp, crab, and King Cake.
- You “wrench” your hands in the sink with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off.
- You’re not afraid when someone wants to “ax you something.”
- You don’t learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
- You don’t realize until high school what a “county” is.
- You believe that purple, green and gold look good together (and you will even eat things those colors).
- You go to buy a new winter coat (what most people would refer to as a windbreaker) and throw your arms up in the air to make sure it allows enough room to catch Mardi Gras beads.
- Your last name isn’t pronounced the way it’s spelled.
- You know what a nutria rat is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team.
- You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs.
- You describe a color as “K&B Purple.”
- You like your rice and politics dirty.
- You pronounce the largest city in the state as “Nawlins.”
- A friend gets in trouble for roaches in his car and you wonder if it was palmettos or those little ones that go after the French Fries that fell under the seat.
- You know those big roaches can fly, but you’re able to sleep at night anyway.
- You assume everyone has mosquito swarms in their backyard.
- You realize the rainforest is less humid than Louisiana.
16 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Travel (+294)
A milk cow died and the farmer was looking for another. His farm was on the western border of Illinois and he found a cow for sale over in Iowa. He drives over and buys the cow.
Next morning he goes out to milk the cow but every time he reaches down and takes hold of the tits to milk her, the cow lets a big fart. After a number of times that this happens he gets the neighbor over and asks him to milk the cow. Sure enough the cow farts every time he touches her tits.
The neighbor stands up and says, “This cow is from Iowa isn’t it?”
The owner of the cow asks how he knows that?
The neighbor says, “My wife is from Iowa.”
15 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Travel (+294)
Heaven is …
Where the police are British,
The cooks are Italian,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are French and
It’s all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is …
Where the police are German,
The cooks are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss and
It’s all organized by the Italians.
15 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Travel (+294)
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, “Where have you been?”
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look Michael, look what I’ve made.”
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?”
“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.”
“Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, “For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I’ve placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people,” God continued, pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”
The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass and said “What’s that one?”
“Ah,” said God. “That’s Pennsylvania, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams, and mountains. The people from Pennsylvania are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they’re going to be found traveling the world. They’ll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace.”
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, “What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!”
God replied wisely, “Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I’m putting next to them in New Jersey.”
14 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Travel (+294)
No wonder the English language is so hard to learn…. Some examples:
We polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
13 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Travel (+294)
- You know the difference between the city of Durant and the city of Doo-rant.
- It doesn’t seem odd to see the term “chicken fried chicken” on a menu.
- You have used the phrase “fixin’ to” during the last 12 months.
- Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.
- You save all your life for your dream vacation, and use it to go to the OU/Texas game.
- A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.
- It doesn’t seem peculiar if your spouse says “I’m going in to town for something” even though you live in town.
- You can properly pronounce Eufaula, Gotebo, and Okemah.
- You can remember the last 12 times a state legislator seriously introduced a bill involving castration, and he didn’t mean farm animals.
- You don’t turn on the news until 20 minutes past the hour, because that’s the only thing you care about anyway.
- You know exactly what calf fries are, and eat them anyway.
- When someone refers to the current season, you have no idea if they mean spring, summer, fall, winter or football.
- “Howdy” seems to be a normal way of greeting another adult, with no irony intended.
- You think that people who complain about the wind in other states are sissies.
- It bothers you not one iota to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash.
- A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.
- You know in which state Miam-uh is and in which state Miam-ee is.
17 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
|
