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Read all jokes from:Travel (+295)
The American asks, “I can’t believe you don’t have cars here! How do you get to work?” The Russian replies, “We take bus.” The American asks, “Well, how do you go on vacations?” The Russian replies, “We take train.” The American asks, “Well, what if you want to go abroad?” The Russian replies, “We don’t want go abroad.” The American presses further and asks, “Well, what if you really HAVE to go abroad?” The Russian replies, “We take tanks.”
Read all jokes from:Travel (+295)
* One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago * One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York * One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston * One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California. With gun in lap: L.A. * Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California. * Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy * One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle * One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonald’s bag out the window: Texas city male * One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country male * One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas female * Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia * Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida
Read all jokes from:Travel (+295)
- You’re 5’4″, can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you. - Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a 76 Monte Carlo. - You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro or Firebird. - Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives. - You consider dunking a cannoli in an espresso a nutritious breakfast. - Your 2 best friends are your cousin and your brother-in-law’s brother-in-law. - You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 strip clubs. - Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your “Just do me” tank top to the beach. - At least 5 of your cousins live on your street. - All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather. - A high school diploma and 1 year of Nassau Community College has earned you the title of “professor” among your aunts. - You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners. - If someone in your family grows beyond 5’6″, it is presumed his mother had an affair. - There were more than 28 people in your bridal party. - You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion. - At some point in your life, you were a D.J - 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say “Pronto” when answering the phone. - You have ever been in a fight defending Sly Stallone’s thespian greatness. - Somewhere on your parents’ property, there is a bathtub Madonna. - You build your house with 3 materials…. brick, brick and wrought iron. - You have at least one sister that went to Beauty School. - Clothes from the Chess King will actually fit you. - It is impossible for you to talk with your hands in your pockets. - Have been to a funeral where talk of the deceased is, “He shoulda kept his big yap shut.”
Read all jokes from:Travel (+295)
- Chicken Vindalu. - Lamb Passanda. - Onion Bhaji. - Bombay Potatoe. - Chicken Tikka Masala. - Rogan Josh. - Popadoms. - Chisken Dopiaza. - Meat Boona. - Ghandi.
Read all jokes from:Travel (+295)
- You can have a woman president without electing her. - You can spell colour wrong and get away with it. - You can call Budwieser beer. - You can be a crook and still be president. - If you’ve got enough money you can get elected to do anything. - If you can breathe, you can get a gun. - You can invent a new public holiday every year. - You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care. - You get to call everyone you’ve never met “buddy.” - With very little effort you can annoy the French!
Read all jokes from:Travel (+295)
* You realize that your favorite dessert is wooder ice (It comes in churry, strawburry, and other assorted flavors). * You find yourself using “Yo” and “Youse guys” when talking long distance to family members. * You know how to spell Schuylkill. * You think $2,500 for insurance on a ’79 Toyota is a bargain. * You find yourself at a nice restaurant thinking, “This would only be three bucks at a truckstop.” * You can sleep soundly through gunshots in the neighborhood. * You visit New York and notice how clean it is. * You believe that the car on your side, flashing its turn signal, wants you to close the gap with the car in front. * You can’t eat fries without Cheeze Whiz. * You find street people greet you by first name. * You don’t think Wawa sounds funny. * You snub a cheesesteak that isn’t on an Amoroso roll. * Your parents, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles all live on the same block. * You love scrapple for breakfast. * You took a vacation at the shore (and liked it). * You know where to find the Rocky statue. * Only tourists go to Geno and Pat’s for an authentic cheesesteak. * You buy soft pretzels at a traffic light.
Read all jokes from:Travel (+295)
… You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car. … You thought “Californication” would be banned by Amendment 2. … You think “South Park” is a place to stop for gas on your way to Buena Vista. … You have a business degree and are frying burgers at a McDonald’s in Vail. … You have a flat tire in your refrigerator and your garage. … You tell your husband to pick up granola on his way home from work and he stops at the day care. … You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a bandanna. … You cast out your fishing line while white-water rafting. … You’ve never seen the tourist attractions in your own city. … All summer you thought a redneck named “Bubby” was gonna be your quarterback. … You think a pass does not involve a football or a woman. … You are 82 years old and take up snowboarding. … Your SUV tire size exceeds your IQ. … Your real Y2K fear is running out of Celestial Seasonings tea and trail mix. … The entire top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail. … You personally wouldn’t pay $10 per head to drive up Pikes Peak unless it was the only mountain on earth, but you tell all our house-guests to do it. … You can recite the entire Bible from memory, but can’t remember to use your turn signal (CO Springs). … You get depressed after one day of foggy weather. … You wear the latest fashions a year after they went out of style. … You think that formal wear is ironed denim. … North means “mountains to the left;” south is “mountains to the right;” and east and west are where all those damned liberals keep moving in from. … You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels “sticky” and you notice the sky is no longer blue. … You consider a three-piece suit to be a pair of shorts, a sweatshirt and Birkenstocks. … You see your East Coast relatives now more than when you lived there. … You think gun control is not dropping it. … Your bridal registry is at REI. … You can run up 10 flights of stairs without huffing and puffing. … You’ve ever stood on solid ground and looked down on an airplane in flight.
Read all jokes from:Travel (+295)
During a storm you check the cattle before you check the kids. You are related to more than half the town. You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance. Your car breaks down outside of town and news of it reaches back to town before you do. You don’t put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and weather. Your quarterback is hurt and you’re hoping it’s the first thing on the 6 o’clock news. There’s a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for it. The local gas station sells live bait. You don’t buy all your vegetables at the grocery store. You go to the State Fair for your family vacation. You get up at 5:30 a.m. and go down to the coffee shop. You’re on a first name basis with the county sheriff. When little smokies are something you serve on special occasions. You go to the river because it’s almost like going to the ocean. You have the number of the Co-op on speed dial. All your radio preset buttons are country. Using the elevator involved a corn truck. Your mayor is also your garbage hauler, barber, and insurance salesman. You know you should listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit. You are walking knee-deep in snow. You call the wrong number and talk to the person for an hour anyway. Your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out. You talk with a friend about some big event you are going to attend, and by the end of the conversation you’ve decided you’re both too broke to go. You know cow pies aren’t made of beef. Your early morning prayer covers rain, cattle and pigs. You wake up when it’s dark and go to bed when it’s still light. You consider a romantic evening driving through Hardees and renting a hunting instructional video. You want to buy manure. You listen to “Paul Harvey” every day at noon. You can tell it’s a farmer working late in his field and not a UFO. Your nearest neighbor is in the next area code. You leave your snow tires on year-round. You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn when they are still on the stalk. You know the code names for everyone on the CB. You pick up all the free stuff at the State Fair. You’ll skip your cousin’s funeral for the first day of deer season. You can eat an ear of corn with no utensils in under 20 seconds. You don’t clean up the dog’s mess because it’s just fertilizer. You wear your irrigation boots to church. You know enough to get your driving done early on Sundays before the Sunday drivers come out. It takes 30 seconds to reach your destination and it’s clear across town. You can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell of a feed lot apart. The meaning of true love is that you’ll ride in the tractor with him. You consider a building a mall if it’s bigger than the local Wal-Mart
Read all jokes from:Travel (+295)
* When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay. * Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time. * You get to eat insect food like snails and frog’s legs. * If there’s a war you can surrender really early. * You don’t have to read the subtitles on those late night films on TV. * You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people’s countries. * You can be ugly and still become a famous film star. * Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride. * You don’t have to bother with toilets, just shit in the street. * People think you’re a great lover even when you’re not.
Read all jokes from:Travel (+295)
Name:______________ Stage name: ________________ Agent:______________ Attorney:__________________ Sex:___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female____both Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? Please list: Brand of cell phone: ________. Please check haircolor: Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde Please check activities you perform while driving: [ ] Eating Please indicate how many times: a) you expect to shoot at other drivers ________ TEST If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately: a) Call the police to report the crime; In the event of an earthquake, should you: a) Stop your car In the instance of rain, you should: a) Never drive over 5 MPH Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____. Are you presently taking any of the following medications? a) Prozac If none, please explain: __________________. Length of daily commute: a) 1 hour When stopped by police, should you: a) Pull over and have your driver’s license and insurance form ready,
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