Read all jokes from: Technology (+1819)
The annual internet clean up campaign will take place on the evening of March 31st beginning at 9pm EST and continue until April 1st 9am EST. This annual event occurs to remove the trash that forms on the internet throughout the year. Without this annual cleanup campaign the Internet would become so overrun with trash that its ability to pass information back and forth would become severely restricted.
All internet users are advised to take the following precautions to prevent damage or loss of information:
1. Back-up all “bookmarks” or “favorites” – these will be essential to your ability to find your favorite sites once the internet has been cleaned.
2. Clean out your history folder on your internet browser…details can be found at the following website: www.clean.your/browser/history/files.html.
3. Clean our your history cache…details can be found at the following website: www.clean.your/browser/cache/files.html.
4. AOL users should request form # 843.02.00 by using keyword “Cleanup”. Please do not try to use form # 843.01.00 as it is long out of date.
5. Prior to the shut down of the internet at 9pm EST on March 31st all internet users are advised to disconnect their computers from their internet access lines (modem or cable connection)..inexperienced users are requested to contact their ISP for information on the disconnection procedure.
6. Remain off-line and disconnected from the internet until after 9am on April 1st.
7. Upon reconnecting to the internet direct your web browser to the following website: www.first/start/up/empty.html … this should correct all your bookmarks.
This annual campaign removes all outdated links, old abandoned web pages, and extinct email addresses. This frees up millions of gigabytes of space each year. If people would learn to surf responsibly, without leaving dead and outdated links, this annual campaign would no longer be necessary. John Gutzen, President of Free Old Outdated Links (FOOL), the governing body of the cleanup campaign is quoted “I see the day when the campaign will no longer be required, when no one is a newbie, and when every one follows FOOL’s philosophy. That day is a long way off, but I hope to see it in my life time.”
Please note: If you attempt to connect to the internet during the shut-down time, serious damage to your computer and internet connection could occur.
All users are advised to contact their ISP prior to March 31st 6:00pm EST in the event that they do not understand any of the above.
This notice was prepared by Free Old Outdated Links (Fool) and space was provided free of charge in this Internet publication through a joint internet community effort.
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Read all jokes from: Technology (+1819)
Microsoft is trying to add some humor to its error messages in Windows 2000 and up. Here are a couple of examples:
* Printer not responding; Got a pen and paper handy?
* 3 things are certain in life: Taxes, death, and data loss. Guess which has occured?
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Read all jokes from: Technology (+1819)
One of Microsoft’s finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The Microsoft tech looked at his rifle and then at the target again. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: “It’s leaving here just fine. The trouble must be at your end!”
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Read all jokes from: Technology (+1819)
It’s never easy to overcome innate nerdity, a serious Internet addiction, or a hard – core computer gaming habit, but trying usually isn’t as painful as kidney stones.
Difficulty Level: Hard Time Required: Years
Here’s How:
Let go of the mouse.
Turn off the computer.
Play a game of solitaire with a real deck of cards.
Eat something other than taco chips.
Fart without recording it and putting it up your Web page.
Get some sleep in bed rather than on your keyboard.
Next time you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, don’t tell everyone on your ICQ list about it.
Open a window without turning your computer back on (yes, it is possible).
Very gradually expose your eyes to increasingly bright light so as to avoid damage or permanent sun blindness.
When you feel prepared for a massive dose of non – CRT radiation, put on welding goggles and go outside.
If you see someone, say “Hi” to them instead of trying to make the modem connect sound.
Visit a friend that you haven’t spoken to in years because they don’t have an email address.
Have “.com” officially removed from behind your name.
Go on a date with someone you didn’t meet in a chat room.
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Read all jokes from: Technology (+1819)
* You’re screen name consists of your first initial and last name with no numbers at the end. (Unless you have an uncommon surname)
* You’re on your 3rd marriage and you’ve met each in an AOL chat room.
* You remember the days before Buddy Lists when you stalked people by opening an IM with their screen name and repeatedly clicking on the “Available?” button to see if they were online or not.
* You named your 3 children “LOL”, “ROFL”, and “HEHEHE”.
* Tom Hanks consulted you for technical advice for the “You’ve got Mail” movie.
* AOL sent you a congratulatory e-mail along with a one month free AOL subscription in honor of your 1,000,000th different screen name.
* You wallpapered your entire house with “TOS” violation notices.
* AOL made up their TOS rules because of things YOU did.
* when you think you’re a “Big Shot” who should be on AOL’s payroll because you spend so much time on it.
* You look forward to and actually read Steve Case’s monthly newsletters.
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Read all jokes from: Technology (+1819)
(To the tune of Rawhide)
Loading, loading, loading,
Damn this Java coding,
Feeling of foreboding, Reload!
The Applet says it’s running,
And that big gray block is stunning,
But the screen remains as blank as my mind
Netscape crash, Boot ‘em up!
Net goes down, Dial back!
Logging on, Still off-line!
Reload!
Try it now, Still not up!
Netscape crashed, What, again?
Boot it up, Log it in,
Reload!
Tighten, tweaking’, smoothen,
They say the codes improvin’,
So how come I’m still usin’ “reload”?
I’m tired of all this waitin’,
Just give me .gif animation,
This code is only good for wasting time,
The applet says it’s running,
And gray block is quite stunning,
But the screen remains as blank as my mind,
(Midi solo)
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep,
Netscape crash, Boot ‘em up!
Net goes down, Dial back!
Logging on, Still off-line!
Reload!
Try it now, Still not up!
Netscape crashed, What, again?
Boot it up, Log it in,
Reload! Reload!
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Read all jokes from: Technology (+1819)
You just awake, your eyes are still shut
Still cant quite focus, still draggin your butt
You know you need coffee, can taste that first sip
You wait for the maker and put the mug to your lip
The feeling is warm, just what you need
But you know you need more and its something to read
The paper you say? No, dont think so. Not it…
It’s much more exciting, you cant wait to “click”…
You boot up your ‘puter, you click that icon…
Can’t keep from grinning, you’re really turned on!
When the voice says “Welcome”, your heart skips a beat!!
You know your addicted … all the friends that you’ll meet.
And then you see it, you wait with a stare….
The mail box lights up!! “You’ve got mail” waiting there!!
OH, what a feeling!! You look with delight!
You hoped you’d have mail and you knew you were right!!
So you go thru the mail knowing this is the “Best”..
Reading this reading that … as you go thru the rest.
Some you give the “delete” key, others get your first click
You know you must hurry, you gotta be quick!
It is then that you hear it, you can’t wait to see
Your heart gets a flutter, who’s name will it be?
And then there it is, covering part of the screen
The sweet little sound … Oh, you know what that means!!!
“Quick mail check” you promised, you said in your mind.
But you just got an IM and your pressing for time!
You know that you want to and respond you will
So you stop what your doing and go for the thrill!
You “LOL” and “BRB”, give kisses and Hugs…
You type and send words, refilling your mug
You give your good friend your attention and time
So that quick little mail check turns to hours online!
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Read all jokes from: Technology (+1819)
Five reasons to believe computers are female:
* No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
* The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
* The message “Bad command or file name” is about as informative as, “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly not going to tell you”.
* Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long – term memory for later retrieval.
* As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are male:
* They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
* They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
* As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
* In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
* Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.
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Read all jokes from: Technology (+1819)
This is CREEPY! Try it. Seriously, you need to do this! It only takes about 30 seconds. Don’t cheat!
Think of a letter between A and W …
Repeat it out loud as you scroll down …
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Keep going! Don’t stop …
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Think of an animal that begins with that letter. Repeat it out loud as you scroll down …
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Keep goin’ …
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Think of a man’s/woman’s name that begins with the last letter in that animal. Say it out loud as you scroll down …
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Almost there …
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Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down.
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Take the hand you counted with, smack yourself in the head, get back to work, and quit playing stupid e-mail games! Don’t tell the secret to others, send them this e-mail! Smile and have a great day!
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Read all jokes from: Technology (+1819)
A customer had followed the instructions for installing software. The instructions said to remove the disk from its cover and insert it into the drive. The user had physically removed the casing of the disk and wondered why there were problems. Say no more.
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