Read all jokes from: Religious (+827)
The First E-mail Of Paul To The Romans
From: paul0426@tarsus.com (Paul, A Servant Of Jesus Christ)
To: allusers@rome.org
CC: s_peter@jol.com (Judaea Online)
Attachments: none
Subject: general teaching
Also posted to Usenet newsgroup alt.religion.heresy
Even using my off-line mail reader (Papyrus 6.2) the on-line and disk
space charges on my local dial-up Internet provider are outlandish,
so I’ll have to keep this short. :)
IMHO, the wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the
godlessness of men. }:>
U, therefore, have no excuse to pass judgment. God will judge all.
BTW, Jews have no right to boast simply because of our ancestry.
Circumcision :( is meaningful only if it is inward — otherwise,
BFD. Similarly, IBM owners have no right to boast simply because of
the customer support they receive. In Him we are neither IBM nor
Gateway, Tandy nor Compaq.
None of us is righteous. As King David wrote:
KD> There is no one righteous, not even one;
KD> There is no one who understands, no one who seeks
KD> God, no one who has not illegally copied his
KD> favorite game program for a friend.
But Abraham believed God, and so God credited it to him as *virtual*
righteousness.
But does this mean we should sin all we want? No way!
We must live through the spirit. The law kills O-|-< but the spirit
gives life. Offer yourselves as living sacrifices to God. Submit to
the authority of your sysop and your Usenet newsgroup moderator. Pay
for shareware if you decide to keep using it. And don't flame
somebody for making a spelling error or failing to read the FAQ list.
Nothing is unclean to God, but if something is going to cause your
fellow Christian to sin, delete it from your hard drive. Watch out
for those R- and X-rated .GIF files.
I'm hoping to visit Rome later this year; save me a space on the
couch. CUL8er. :)
XXX Papyrus 6.2 XXX Unregistered Test Drive Version XXX
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Read all jokes from: Religious (+827)
A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families.
“I have four boys and my wife is expecting another. One more son and I’ll have a basketball team!” said the Catholic.
“That’s nothing!’ said the Baptist. ‘I have ten boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son and I’ll have a football team!”
“You both should be ashamed of yourselves!’ said the Mormon. ‘I have seventeen wives. One more and I’ll have a golf course!”
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Read all jokes from: Religious (+827)
What is the best way to get to Paradise?
Turn right and go straight.
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Read all jokes from: Religious (+827)
God: “Whew! I just created a 24 hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth.”
Angel: “What are you going to do now?”
God: “Call it a day.”
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Read all jokes from: Religious (+827)
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it
was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even
though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the
teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was
physically impossible.
The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher asked, ” What if Jonah went to hell?”
The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”
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Read all jokes from: Kids (+2427), Religious (+827)
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “Honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+647), Religious (+827), School (+377)
One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class “What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?”
Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary.
“I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of love are.”
“Very interesting.” replied the teacher. Seeing no one else had their hand raised but Johnny, she finally called on him.
“I think your feet go up first.”
Confused but relieved the teacher said, “Why is that?”
Johnny replied, “Once when I walked in my parents room I saw my dad on my mom, and she had her feet in the air saying “Oh God!”
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Read all jokes from: Religious (+827)
A pastor was addressing the children during the Christmas service. “Who is the mother of Jesus?” he asked them. Without hesitation, dozens of tiny voices chorused back “Mary.”
“That’s right. Now who can tell me who is the father of Jesus?” There was quiet and fidgeting. After all, no one told them there was going to be a quiz.
Then a young girl spoke up. With assurance, she boldly announced: “I know. It’s Virg.”
After two more seconds of silence the entire community erupted in laughter. Of course – we all know it was Virg ‘n Mary.
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Read all jokes from: Religious (+827)
A church had to hire a new pastor. Over the protests of one vocal male member, a woman was hired as the new senior pastor.
After the new pastor had been there a few weeks, a member of the congregation offered to take the new pastor fishing. The vocal objector reluctantly agreed to allow them to use his boat and to go along.
The trio got into the boat and motored out on the lake. When they got ready to fish, they realized that all their tackle had been left on the dock. One of the men commented that he guessed they would just have to go back and get it.
The lady pastor said, “That won’t be necessary,” as she got out of the boat and started walking across the water toward the dock.
The old grouch said, “See I told you we never should have hired that woman! She can’t even swim!!”
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Read all jokes from: Religious (+827)
In Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had
been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long,
long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and
there he was! She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he
turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.
“I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the
Western Wall and praying?”
“For about 60 years.”
“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”
“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for
all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety
and friendship.”
“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”
“Like I’m talking to a fucking wall.”
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