A true story: A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City, to which one judge remarked, “I should have suspected he wasn’t a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite.”
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Read all jokes from:Law (+1197)
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Read all jokes from:Travel (+295)
1. Weed!
2. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges.
3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder.
4. The local wine doesn’t taste like malt vinegar.
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown.
6. A university with a nude beach.
7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
8. If a cop pulls you over, just offer them some of your hash.
9. There’s always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
10. Cannabis.
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Read all jokes from:Religious (+827)
Way down in the deep south, in an area known as the ‘Bible Belt,’
there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation. One
morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, “Friends I
have been hearing very nasty rumors!”
The crowd fell into an expectant silence. The Minister continued,
“One of you, here among us, has been reporting that I am a member of
the dreaded ‘Klu Klux Klan.’ This, of course, is not true! I am
asking that the guilty party confess and apologize now – right here
- before my flock of loyal followers.”
A young woman quickly stood up blushing and trembling and pled,
“Preacher, please, I don’t know how this all came to be. I just
mentioned to one of my close friends that you were a wizard under
the sheets.”
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Read all jokes from:HR (+462)
An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school. “Tell me,” inquired the interviewer, “where do you expect to be ten years from now?”
“Well, let’s see,” replied the student. “It’s Wednesday afternoon. I guess I’ll be on the golf course by now.”
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Read all jokes from:Medical (+1842)
A man stops by his regular doctor with this strange discolouring of his genitals. The doctor was quite amazed. He had never seen such a shade of orange on a man’s privates. After a very thorough examination, the befuddled doctor finally confessed he had no ideas.
So he said to the man “I don’t quite understand what is going on here.” Then he asked, “so tell me what is it you do?”
The man said, “not much, really.”
The doctor asked, “Do you work?”
The man replied, “no I have been laid off for months.”
The doctor then said, “well, what is it that you do all day?”
The man replied “not much really, I sit around, watching porno’s and eating cheetos all day…”
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Read all jokes from:Music (+2468)
When should a saxophonist change his reed?
Whenever a difficult section comes up in the music score.
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Read all jokes from:Law (+1197)
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. The balding man then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying them all.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”
“But why?” asks the man.
“I’m a divorce lawyer.”
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Read all jokes from:Medical (+1842)
A guy goes to this doctor and has some questions so he says, “Every time my wife and I go on vacation, she gets pregnant. Went to France and she got pregnant. Went to Ireland and she got pregnant a second time. Went to Spain and she got pregnant a third time.”
The doctor says, “Have you ever thought of using any kind of protection to avoid it?”
The man says, “No, I just thought that maybe next time I’d take my wife with me.”
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Read all jokes from:Law (+1197)
Following a distinguished legal career, a man arrived at the Gates of Heaven, accompanied by the Pope, who had the misfortune to expire on the same day. The Pope was greeted first by St. Peter, who escorted him to his quarters. The room was somewhat shabby and small, similar to that found in a low grade Motel 6 type establishment.
The lawyer was then taken to his room, which was a palatial suite including a private swimming pool, a garden, and a terrace overlooking the Gates. The attorney was somewhat taken aback, and told St. Peter, “I’m really quite surprised at these rooms, seeing as how the Pope was given such small accommodations.”
St. Peter replied, “We have over a hundred Popes here, and we’re really very bored with them. We’ve never had a lawyer.”
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Read all jokes from:Medical (+1842)
A woman in her 30′s was taking her mother, who was in her 60′s to the gynecologist. After dropping her mother off, she and her daughter ran a few errands, then returned to the doctor.
While the older woman had her feet in the stirrups, the doctor remarked, “Don’t we look pretty today!” as he performed his examination. The lady was quite shocked, but said nothing.
When her daughter picked her up, she was quite upset. The following conversation ensued:
Mother: Do you know what that doctor said to me? He said, “Don’t we look pretty today”, while he was looking between my legs! Do you think that was appropriate?
Daughter: No! Are you sure he wasn’t referring to your hairstyle or something?
Mother: Well, it still wasn’t appropriate or professional. I wonder if it could be considered sexual harassment. What do you think?
Daughter: I don’t know. Were you embarrassed?
Mother: I was very embarrassed. I used some of your FDS this morning, and he may have smelled that, but I still don’t think he should have commented!
Daughter: I don’t have any FDS.
Mother: Why, sure you do! In the blue can that was on back of the toilet. I used some before the appointment…
Granddaughter: That’s my Barbie Golden Glitter Hair Spray!!
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