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Read all jokes from:Financial (+1218)
Everybody who predicts the future with a straight face should be required (by law) to change out of the business suit, wrap him/herself in a gypsy shawl, wear one of those pointed wizard’s hats with a picture of a crescent moon on it, and make conjuring sounds over a crystal ball. That way, everybody would know exactly what’s going on and how much credibility to give the answer!
Read all jokes from:Medical (+1842)
A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it. The doctor assured the nurse, “Don’t worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic.”
Read all jokes from:Religious (+827)
One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was “Good morning pastor” replied the young man not taking his “Well son, these are all the people who have died in the Little Johnny’s voice barely broke the silence when he asked
Read all jokes from:Kids (+2427), Religious (+827)
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
Read all jokes from:Music (+2468)
A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together. “Help!” cried the cellist, “I can’t swim!” “Don’t worry,” said the violist, “just fake it.”
Read all jokes from:Technology (+1819)
AOL. You all know it. Some of you love it. Others hate it. But, you gotta admit, there are plenty of reasons to keep it, no matter what your more experienced internet/online friends say. * Busy signals? No problem, I’m not alone, there are 10 Million other people also waiting to log on.
Read all jokes from:Military (+607)
This is an actual radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations, 10-10-95, MSG#H0000115020ecb52EMHS: #1: “Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.” #2: “Recommend that you change YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.” #1: “This is the captain of a U.S. navy ship. I say again divert YOUR course.” #2: “No, I say again divert YOUR course.” #1: “This is the aircraft carrier Enterprise, we are a large warship of the U.S. navy. Divert your course NOW!” #2: “This is a lighthouse. Your call.”
Read all jokes from:Military (+607)
Army, Air Force, and Marine Generals were standing in front of a rappelling tower with a Navy Admiral. The Air Force General says to the others, “My men are the most courageous of the Armed Forces.” “Ha!” said Army, “My men are the most courageous and I’ll prove it.” Army calls a Private over from the tower. He tells the Private, “I want you to jump off that tower – no rope, no parachute.” “Yes, Sir!!!” the Private yells and proceeds to climb the tower. The Private walks to the edge, yells “Hoo-ahh!” and jumps off the tower. He is killed instantly upon impact. “That’s nothing,” the Air Force General said, bored. He calls a Senior Airman over. “Son, I want you to jump off that tower – no rope, no parachute and I want you to do it with style.” “Yes, Sir!!!” the Senior Airman yells. He climbs to the top of the tower, walks to the edge and jumps. He executes a swan dive that would make Greg Louganis proud, hits the ground and dies on impact. “Hmmph,” the Marine growled. “Ya’ll obviously forgot the Marine Corps were here,” he said (yelling “Marine Corps!” as all Marines tend to do.) He calls a Lance Corporal over. “Marine, I want you to jump off that tower and make the Corps proud!” The Corporal yells, “Ooh-rah!”, by way of response and runs to the tower. He grabs an M-60 and ammunition belt on the way and wraps the belt around himself in the Pancho Villa style. He climbs the tower and walks to the edge. Upon reaching the edge, he throws two grenades into the air, yells “Semper Fi Do or Die!” and jumps off. He starts shooting the M-60 in mid-air, clipping treetops and yelling the entire way down. His impact is obscured by the two exploding grenades. When the smoke clears, only little pieces of the Marine are left. The others are impressed and nod their heads in admiration. Then the Admiral says, “That’s nothing.” The others turn to face the Admiral, their faces in disbelief. The Admiral calls a Seaman over who was cleaning latrines. “Son, I want you to jump off that tower- no rope, no parachute.” The Seaman looks the Admiral in the face and says, “Screw you! You kiss my ass first!” and walks off. The Admiral turns to the others and says, “Now THAT’S courage!”
Read all jokes from:Religious (+827)
A small boy stunned his parents when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters.
Read all jokes from:Law (+1197)
A man can’t find a lawyer, so he grabs the yellow pages and picks out a law firm, Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz & Schwartz. He calls up and says, “Is Mr. Schwartz in?” The guy says, “No, he’s out playing golf.” He says, “All right, then let me speak to Mr. Schwartz.” “He’s not with the firm any more, he’s retired.” “Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz.” “He’s away in Boston, won’t be back for a month.” “Okay, then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz.” He says, “Speaking!”
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