Read all jokes from: Financial (+1218)
Dinosaur 1: “How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?”
Dinosaur 2: “What is an economist?”
Dinosaur 1: “A flunkie mathematician who tries to predict the population of kangaroos in Australia. But that’s not important and don’t ask what a Kangaroo is.”
Dinosaur 2: “I don’t know, how many?”
Dinosaur 1: “10 economists and one grad student. One economist to make a model, one to run the regression, one to test the hypothesis, one to interpret the results, one to conclude how to screw it on, one grad student to screw it on, and five economists trying to fight off the dinosaurs trying to eat them.
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Read all jokes from: Financial (+1218)
One day, at a local buffet, a man suddenly called out, “My son’s choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!”
A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his arms around the boy, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.
“Thank you! Thank you!” the father cried. “Are you a paramedic?”
“No,” replied the man. “I work for the IRS.”
@IRS
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Read all jokes from: Financial (+1218)
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”
The guy replies, “I’m Joe Cohen, stockbroker, of Noo Yawk City.”
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the stockbroker, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
The stockbroker goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it’s the minister’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, “I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last forty-three years.”
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man was a stockbroker – he gets a silken robe and golden staff but I, a minister, only get a cotton robe and wooden staff? How can this be?”
“Up here, we work by results,” says Saint Peter. “While you preached, people slept; his clients, they prayed.”
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Read all jokes from: Financial (+1218)
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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Read all jokes from: Financial (+1218)
The door bell, rings, and a man answers it. Here stands this plain but well dressed kid, saying, “Trick or Treat!” The man asks the kids what he is dressed up like for Halloween. The kid replies, “I’m an IRS agent.” Then he takes 40 percent of the man’s candy, leaves, and doesn’t say thank you.
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Read all jokes from: Financial (+1218)
Accountants aren’t boring people, we just get excited over boring things.
Accountants do it without losing their balance.
Accountants are Certified to do it in Public.
An auditor is the guy who comes in after the battle to bayonet the wounded.
There are 3 kinds of CPA’s in the world – Those who can count, and those who can’t.
The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple:
- If you use the short form, the government gets your money.
- If you use the long form, the accountant gets your money.
If Patrick Henry hated taxation without representation, he should be here today to see how lousy it is WITH representation.
Accountants never grow old they just lose their balance.
Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant…even if he wanted to be one?
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Read all jokes from: Financial (+1218)
Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father,Just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand. Good, my dad quickly replied. Wash it again!
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Read all jokes from: Financial (+1218)
Once a school-girl asked her economist Sergey Petroff:
“Why don’t you do business? You know so much! What can you earn by teaching in the country where not so many people want to study?
“To do business in my country”, explained Sergey Petroff, “one should be slippery, otherwise one will be caught; one should be hard, otherwise one will be cracked; one should be flexible, otherwise one will be broken. And the main rule of our business: the less you know, the longer you will live. But I know too much to survive in our business.”
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Read all jokes from: Financial (+1218)
In case you were not aware of the new financial terminology:
EBITDA (formerly stood for Earnings Before Interest Expenses, Taxes, Depreciation and Amortization) – Now stands for “Earnings Before I Tricked Dumb Auditor”
EBIT (Earnings Before Interest and Taxes) – Now stands for “Earnings Before Irregularities and Tampering”
CEO (Chief Executive Officer) – Now stands for “Chief Embezzlement Officer”
CFO (Chief Financial Officer) – Now stands for “Corporate Fraud Officer”
NAV (Net Asset Value) – Now stands for “Normal Andersen Valuation”
EPS (Earnings Per Share) – Now stands for “Eventual Prison Sentence”
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Read all jokes from: Financial (+1218)
The definition of “waste”: a busload of economists plunging over a precipice with three of the seats unoccupied.
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