Read all jokes from: Engineer (+51)
… Choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.
… You take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
… In college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
… The sales people at the local computer store can’t answer any of your questions.
… At an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
… You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
… You have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
… You see a good design and still have to change it.
… You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
… You still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
… You window shop at Radio Shack.
… Your laptop computer costs more than your car.
… Your wife hasn’t the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
… You’ve tried to repair a $5 radio.
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Read all jokes from: Engineer (+51)
A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED
We are still pissing in the wind.
EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM
We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION
We know who to blame.
MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH
It works OK, but looks very hitech.
CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED
We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.
PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE
The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch
TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING
We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.
THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED
The only person who understood the thing quit.
IT IS IN THE PROCESS
It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.
WE WILL LOOK INTO IT
Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL
Let’s spread the responsibility for the screw up.
GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING
We’ll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn’t interfere with what we’ve already done.
GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION
I can’t wait to hear this bull!
SEE ME or LET’S DISCUSS
Come into my office, I’m lonely.
ALL NEW
Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.
RUGGED
Too damn heavy to lift!
LIGHTWEIGHT
Lighter than RUGGED.
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT
One finally worked.
ENERGY SAVING
Achieved when the power switch is off.
LOW MAINTENANCE
Impossible to fix if broken
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Read all jokes from: Engineer (+51)
Three freshman engineering students were sitting around one day arguing about who might’ve designed the human body. The first one said, “It must’ve been a mechanical engineer. The human body has all those levers and pivots and stuff – a mechanical engineer must have designed all that.”
The second one said, “No, it had to have been an electrical engineer. The complex way the nerves are wired up to the brain must have been designed by an electrical engineer.”
Then the third one said, “No, it was a civil engineer. Who else would have run a waste water line through a recreational area?”
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Read all jokes from: Engineer (+51)
Three guys are alone on a desert island: an engineer, a biologist and an economist. They are starving and don’t have a thing to eat, but somehow they find a can of beans on the shore.
The engineer says: let’s hit the can with a rock until it opens.
The biologist has another ideia:
“No. We should wait for a while. Erosion will do the job.”
Finally, the economist says:
“Let’s assume that we have a can opener”.
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Read all jokes from: Engineer (+51)
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker.
To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. “T-Square, do your stuff.” T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, “Slide Rule, do your stuff.” Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.
The Government Worker called to his dog and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker’s Compensation, and went home on sick leave.
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Read all jokes from: Engineer (+51)
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
“I know,” said the Departmental Manager. “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement, Change Management, Re-Engineering and Service Integration, find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.”
“No, no,” said the Hardware Engineer. “That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I’ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.”
“Well,” said the Software Engineer. “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.”
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Read all jokes from: Engineer (+51)
Three freshman engineering students were sitting around one day arguing about who might’ve designed the human body. The first one said, “It must’ve been a mechanical engineer. The human body has all those levers and pivots and stuff – a mechanical engineer must have designed all that.”
The second one said, “No, it had to have been an electrical engineer. The complex way the nerves are wired up to the brain must have been designed by an electrical engineer.”
Then the third one said, “No, it was a civil engineer. Who else would have run a waste water line through a recreational area?”
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Read all jokes from: Engineer (+51)
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ‘Take what you want.’”
The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
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Read all jokes from: Engineer (+51)
Three freshman engineering students were sitting around one day arguing about who might’ve designed the human body. The first one said, “It must’ve been a mechanical engineer. The human body has all those levers and pivots and stuff – a mechanical engineer must have designed all that.”
The second one said, “No, it had to have been an electrical engineer. The complex way the nerves are wired up to the brain must have been designed by an electrical engineer.”
Then the third one said, “No, it was a civil engineer. Who else would have run a waste water line through a recreational area?”
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Read all jokes from: Engineer (+51)
Three guys are alone on a desert island: an engineer, a biologist and an economist. They are starving and don’t have a thing to eat, but somehow they find a can of beans on the shore.
The engineer says: let’s hit the can with a rock until it opens.
The biologist has another ideia:
“No. We should wait for a while. Erosion will do the job.”
Finally, the economist says:
“Let’s assume that we have a can opener”.
22 views |
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