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Read all jokes from:Engineer (+51)
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ‘Take what you want.’” The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
Read all jokes from:Engineer (+51)
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you`re an engineer — you`re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they`ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how`s it going down there in hell?” Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We`ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there`s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” God replies, “What??? You`ve got an engineer? That`s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.” Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I`m keeping him.” God says, “Send him back up here or I`ll sue.” Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”
Read all jokes from:Engineer (+51)
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, “I like both.” “Both?” they ask. The engineer replies, “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.”
Read all jokes from:Engineer (+51)
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker. But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, “Slide Rule, do your stuff.” Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. The Government Worker called to his dog and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker’s Compensation, and went home on sick leave.
Read all jokes from:Engineer (+51)
Three engineers got on a crowded lunchtime bus. They somehow worked their way to the middle of the bus where they found three girls willing to exchange their seats for a place on the guys’ laps. After they got settled and had ridden that way for a while, the first girl suddenly asked the gentleman under her whether he might be an electrical engineer. Surprised, he replied, “Yes, I am! How did you know?” “Easy,” she said. “I’m getting shocked by your soldering iron.” Just a few minutes later, the second girl asked her guy, “Are you a mechanical engineer?” He said, “Why, yes, ma’am. How did you know that?” “Simple,” she said, “Your piston is scraping my cylinder.” Shortly thereafter, the third girl turned to her fellow and asked, “Are you a civil engineer?” “I certainly am,” he answered. “How could you have known that?” “Well,” she said, “I figured it out as soon as your dam burst and flooded my village.”
Read all jokes from:Engineer (+51)
Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals. The first engineer finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two engineers, he said, “At Hewlett Packard, we are trained to be extremely thorough.”
Read all jokes from:Engineer (+51)
… Choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma. … You take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room. … In college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure. … The sales people at the local computer store can’t answer any of your questions. … At an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling. … You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel. … You have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances. … You see a good design and still have to change it. … You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring. … You still own a slide rule and know how to use it. … You window shop at Radio Shack. … Your laptop computer costs more than your car. … Your wife hasn’t the foggiest idea of what you do at work. … You’ve tried to repair a $5 radio.
Read all jokes from:Engineer (+51)
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. The engineer responded briefly: It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
Read all jokes from:Engineer (+51)
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool!”
Read all jokes from:Engineer (+51)
… Choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma. … You take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room. … In college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure. … The sales people at the local computer store can’t answer any of your questions. … At an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling. … You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel. … You have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances. … You see a good design and still have to change it. … You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring. … You still own a slide rule and know how to use it. … You window shop at Radio Shack. … Your laptop computer costs more than your car. … Your wife hasn’t the foggiest idea of what you do at work. … You’ve tried to repair a $5 radio.
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