Read all jokes from: Construction (+27)
This construction worker had climbed 20 stories to the job site. Once there he’d asked the foreman if he could go back down to take a leak. Not wanting to lose the time, the foreman balanced on I-beam across another, stood on one end, and told the worker to walk out to the other end to pee.
While the worker was doing his business, the phone rang. The foreman, forgetting what he was doing, stepped off the I-beam and the worker plunged 20 stories to his death.
The next week the safety inspectors came by to conduct a routine investigation into the accident. They talked to the ground crew.
“I think it was sex-related, ” offered one of the crew.
“Sex related? How do you figure that?” said the investigator.
“Well, what made me look up was this guy coming down, dick in his hand, screaming, ‘where did that cocksucker go?’”
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Read all jokes from: Blonde (+4663), Construction (+27)
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.”
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”
The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!”
The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife. The blonde’s wife said, “Don’t look at me. He makes his own lunch.”
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Read all jokes from: Construction (+27)
There was this woman with huge breasts who was always being harassed and whistled at by men. She had had enough of this and decided to join a convent.
One day during the summer the heat was unbearable. Since she was in her office, and no one was there, she took off her clothes exposing her breasts.
Her secretary buzzed her on the phone and said, “Sister Mary-Francis, the blind man is here.” She thought for a second and decided to allow the blind man to come in. She figured since he was blind she would not need to get dressed.
When he entered, he said, “WOW! Those are the most beautiful breasts I’ve ever seen. Now, where do you want me to put the blinds?”
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Read all jokes from: Construction (+27)
This construction worker had climbed 20 stories to the job site. Once there he’d asked the foreman if he could go back down to take a leak. Not wanting to lose the time, the foreman balanced on I-beam across another, stood on one end, and told the worker to walk out to the other end to pee.
While the worker was doing his business, the phone rang. The foreman, forgetting what he was doing, stepped off the I-beam and the worker plunged 20 stories to his death.
The next week the safety inspectors came by to conduct a routine investigation into the accident. They talked to the ground crew.
“I think it was sex-related, ” offered one of the crew.
“Sex related? How do you figure that?” said the investigator.
“Well, what made me look up was this guy coming down, dick in his hand, screaming, ‘where did that cocksucker go?’”
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Read all jokes from: Construction (+27)
The telephone lineman had been out drinking the night before and the next day he went to work not feeling to good. At the first pole that he had to work on, he climbed to the top and as he took his pliers out to repair the wire he dropped it. So, he had to climb all the way down to retrieve it.
As he got to the bottom of the pole and was picking up his pliers, a small boy was there.
He said to the lineman, “My daddy is a lineman to and he would have had two pair of pliers, so he wouldn’t have to climb down the pole after the pliers that you dropped.”
The lineman tried to ignore the boy and climbed back up the pole very slowly. About this time he needed a hammer to drive in a large nail, and as he was taking it out, it slipped and fell to the ground. Again he had to climb down the pole to retrieve it.
When he climbed down the pole, sure enough the little boy was there.
“My daddy is a lineman and he would have carried two hammers so if he had lost one he wouldn’t have to climb down,” said the youngster.
This irritated the lineman, but he ignored the boy and climbed back up the pole to finish his work. He was no sooner up the pole when he had to go to the bathroom. So down he climbs from the pole and goes over to the brushes to take a leak.
As he was going he saw the little boy watching him through the brushes.
He had had it and says to the boy, “I’ll bet your dad doesn’t have two of these does he?”
The boy replied, “No, but his would make two of yours!”
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Read all jokes from: Construction (+27)
There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said.
So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him. First he pointed at his eyes (meaning “I”) then pointed at his knees (meaning “need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw.
Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off.
The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, “You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw.”
The other guy replied, “I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming.”
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Read all jokes from: Construction (+27)
The telephone lineman had been out drinking the night before and the next day he went to work not feeling to good. At the first pole that he had to work on, he climbed to the top and as he took his pliers out to repair the wire he dropped it. So, he had to climb all the way down to retrieve it.
As he got to the bottom of the pole and was picking up his pliers, a small boy was there.
He said to the lineman, “My daddy is a lineman to and he would have had two pair of pliers, so he wouldn’t have to climb down the pole after the pliers that you dropped.”
The lineman tried to ignore the boy and climbed back up the pole very slowly. About this time he needed a hammer to drive in a large nail, and as he was taking it out, it slipped and fell to the ground. Again he had to climb down the pole to retrieve it.
When he climbed down the pole, sure enough the little boy was there.
“My daddy is a lineman and he would have carried two hammers so if he had lost one he wouldn’t have to climb down,” said the youngster.
This irritated the lineman, but he ignored the boy and climbed back up the pole to finish his work. He was no sooner up the pole when he had to go to the bathroom. So down he climbs from the pole and goes over to the brushes to take a leak.
As he was going he saw the little boy watching him through the brushes.
He had had it and says to the boy, “I’ll bet your dad doesn’t have two of these does he?”
The boy replied, “No, but his would make two of yours!”
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Read all jokes from: Blonde (+4663), Construction (+27)
So there were two guys on a roof, pounding nails. One guy pounded a nail in, then picked up another. He was holding the nail upside down. He unexpectedly threw the nail away. He picked up another nail, right side up this time, and pounded this in. He eventually threw so many upside down nails away, that his friend came over.
“Eh, what you doing? How come you’re throwing away all those nails?” he asked.
“Because they’re upside down,” the friend replied.
The other guy looks at the friend, then, after some thought, says, “You Idiot, save them for the ceiling!”
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Read all jokes from: Blonde (+4663), Construction (+27)
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”
The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”
The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.”
“All right. How long do you need them?”
The customer paused for a minute and said, “I’d better go check.”
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”
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Read all jokes from: Construction (+27)
There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said.
So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him. First he pointed at his eyes (meaning “I”) then pointed at his knees (meaning “need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw.
Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off.
The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, “You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw.”
The other guy replied, “I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming.”
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