 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Read all jokes from:Over the Hill (+599)
The Golden Years have come at last - The Golden Years have come at last.
Read all jokes from:Over the Hill (+599)
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
Read all jokes from:Medical (+1842), Over the Hill (+599)
A 75 year old man went to his doctor’s office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow.” The next day the 75 year old man reappears at the doctor’s office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: “Well, doc, it’s like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing.” The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?” The old man replied, “Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn’t get the DAMN jar open!”
Read all jokes from:Over the Hill (+599)
- When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot. - When your doctor doesn’t give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light. - When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you. - When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick. - When your wife says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!” - Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. - When you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along. - You know you’re getting old when your semi-annual erection becomes an annual semi-erection! - You and your teeth don’t sleep together. - Your back goes out, but you stay home. - You wake up, looking like your driver’s license picture. - It takes two tries to get up from the couch. - Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. - Happy hour is a nap. - When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there. - Your idea of weight lifting is standing up. - It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired. - Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer. - The pharmacist has become you new best friend. - It takes twice as long to look half as good. - The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals. - You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time. - You get two invitations to go out on the same night, and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest. - You give up all your bad habits and you still don’t feel good. - You have more patience; but actually, it’s just that you don’t care any more. - You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going. - You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory. - You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don’t even remember being on top of it. - You don’t know real embarrassment until your hip sets off a metal detector. - Let’s face it, traveling just isn’t as much fun when all the historical sites are younger than you are. - Every time you suck in your gut, your ankles swell. - You’re suffering from Mallzheimer’s disease. You go to the mall and forget where I parked my car. - Age always corresponds inversely to the size of your multi-vitamin. - Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. - It’s harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick. - If you’ve never smoked, you can start now and it won’t have time to hurt you. - People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. - Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either. - Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size. - Your eyes won’t get much worse. - Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient. - Things you buy now won’t wear out. - No one expects you to run into a burning building. - There’s nothing left to learn the hard way. - Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service. - In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. - You’re sitting on a park bench, and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs. - You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing “Kumbaya.” - Someone compliments you on your layered look…. and you’re wearing a bikini. - You start video taping daytime game shows. - You wonder why you waited so long to take up macram
Read all jokes from:Over the Hill (+599)
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good old days.” Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, “Roy, aren’t you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?” “Yup, we sure are,” Roy replied. “Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?” another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, “For our twenty-fifth anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our fiftieth, I’ll go down there and get her.”
Read all jokes from:Lists (+730), Over the Hill (+599)
You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.
Read all jokes from:Over the Hill (+599)
A nice young Post Office worker was sorting through her regular mail when she discovered a letter addressed as follows:
Read all jokes from:Over the Hill (+599)
10. Musical Recliners 9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta 8. Hide and Go Pee 7. Simon Says Something Incoherent 6. Doc, Doc Goose 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over 4. Kick the Bucket 3. 20 Questions Shouted Into Your Good Ear 2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy And the #1 Old Folks’ Party Game is: 1. Sag, You’re It!
Read all jokes from:Over the Hill (+599)
When I went to lunch today, I noticed this elderly man about 75-80 years old sitting on a park bench near J.C. Penney and he was sobbing his eyes out.
Read all jokes from:Over the Hill (+599)
A reporter when up into the hills of West Virginia to research an article about the area. He met an old man in a small town and asked him about memorable events in his life. “Well, one time my favorite sheep got lost. So me and my neighbors got some moonshine and went looking for it. We finally found the sheep. Then we drank the moonshine and wound up screwing the sheep. It was a lot of fun!” The reporter knew he couldn’t write an article about that, so he asked the old man to tell him another story. “Well, one time my neighbor’s wife got lost, so me and all the village men got some moonshine and went out looking for her. We finally found her. Then we drank the moonshine and screwed her. Now that was a lot of fun!” The frustrated reporter told the old man that he couldn’t write articles about those stories and asked him if he had any sad memories he could talk about. The old man paused, then said, “Well, one time I got lost…… “
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Processing your request, Please wait....