Read all jokes from: Over the Hill (+599)
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again.”
To which the gentleman said, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
15 views |
|
|
 Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Over the Hill (+599)
Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:
1. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into All Bran.
3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…
5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.
9. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
10. It’s not hard to meet expenses …they’re everywhere.
11. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter …I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m hereafter.
31 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Over the Hill (+599)
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me… I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I just can’t remember your name. I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t recall it. Please tell me what your name is.”
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just looked at her.
Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”
17 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Over the Hill (+599)
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into.
She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dfispatcher: “They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!” she cried.
The dispatcher said, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way.”
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. “Disregard.” he says. “She got in the back seat by mistake.”
22 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Over the Hill (+599)
Three old men were sitting around talking about the problems with aging.
The 80-year-old said, “The best thing that could happen to me would just to be able to have a good pee. I stand there for 20 minutes, and it just dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and over again.”
The 85-year-old said, “The best thing that could happen to me is if I could have one good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and I still have problems.”
Then the 90-year-old said, “That’s not my problem. Every morning, at 6 a.m. sharp, I have a good long pee. And at 6:30 a.m. sharp, I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake up before 7 a.m!”
32 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Over the Hill (+599)
Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: “It makes you feel young again.”
John looks at Sylvester and says, “We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!”
Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive.
About one mile later Sylvester asks, “Well John, do you feel young yet?”
“No,” replies John.
So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road.
A couple of miles later, Sylvester asks, “John, do you feel younger?”
“No,” replies John, “but I sure did a childish thing!”
20 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Over the Hill (+599)
Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: “It makes you feel young again.”
John looks at Sylvester and says, “We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!”
Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive.
About one mile later Sylvester asks, “Well John, do you feel young yet?”
“No,” replies John.
So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road.
A couple of miles later, Sylvester asks, “John, do you feel younger?”
“No,” replies John, “but I sure did a childish thing!”
13 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Over the Hill (+599)
Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: “It makes you feel young again.”
John looks at Sylvester and says, “We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!”
Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive.
About one mile later Sylvester asks, “Well John, do you feel young yet?”
“No,” replies John.
So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road.
A couple of miles later, Sylvester asks, “John, do you feel younger?”
“No,” replies John, “but I sure did a childish thing!”
22 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Over the Hill (+599)
Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: “It makes you feel young again.”
John looks at Sylvester and says, “We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!”
Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive.
About one mile later Sylvester asks, “Well John, do you feel young yet?”
“No,” replies John.
So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road.
A couple of miles later, Sylvester asks, “John, do you feel younger?”
“No,” replies John, “but I sure did a childish thing!”
15 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Over the Hill (+599)
We’re over the hill but don’t feel sad
This side of the hill ain’t all that bad.
So give us “five” and then a smile
To us who have been here for awhile.
With by-pass pain and mended hip
And plumbing fixtures prone to drip;
We all may seem a sorry lot,
But we rejoice for what we’ve got.
We have each day and what it brings
And on our pensions live like kings.
For the press that accuses what we take
To coin a phrase, “Let them eat cake.”
We’ve paid our share for unused knowledge
As the kids are now all done with college.
We complain to them about our health
As they worry about our dwindling wealth.
And though our wardrobes may be plain
We’ll suffer no more labor or pain.
Now it’s with cane we do our strut
And if we can’t drive – we still can putt.
We’re mean and tough, meet all demands,
Why, M&M’s melt in our hands.
Yes, we’re still here, and it does delight us
That you join our fight against arthritis.
But we ask you make a pledge today
That you’ll be careful what you say.
We have to spread “Over the Hill” fear
Or we’ll have those young folks over here.
15 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
|
