Read all jokes from: You live in if (+45)
1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beachfront property
2. Amusing town names like “Flin Flon” and “Winnipeg”
3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto
4. The only province to ever violently rebel against the federal government
5. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes
6. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter
7. You don’t need a car, just take the canoe to work
8. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood
9. Because of your license plate, you are still “friendly” even when you cut someone off
10.Pass the time watching trucks and barns float by
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Read all jokes from: You live in if (+45)
1. Weed
2. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges
3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder
4. The local wine doesn’t taste like malt vinegar
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown
6. A university with a nude beach
7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations
8. If a cop pulls you over, just offer them some of your hash
9. There’s always some sort of deforestation protest going on
10. Cannabis
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Read all jokes from: You live in if (+45)
You make over $250,000 a year and still can’t afford a house.
It’s sprinkling outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
Your child’s third grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.
You’ve been to a baby shower for an infant who has two mothers and a sperm donor.
You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
A really great parking space can move you to tears.
Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
Over 85% of the cities, towns, and streets start with San, Los, El, La, Santa, De La, or De Los.
Two overcast days in a row drive you mad.
A family of four owns six vehicles.
Everyone who lives here knows that hurricanes, tornadoes, floods and snowstorms are way worse than earthquakes, which are, after all, over almost as soon as you realize what’s happening.
Even if the store is across the street, you drive there.
And finally, a question:
Q. How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None. Californians cannot afford to turn on the lights.
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Read all jokes from: You live in if (+45)
- You only know three spices – salt, pepper and ketchup.
- You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- The mosquitoes have landing lights.
- You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
- You have 10 favourite recipes for bottled moose.
- Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
- You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
- You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
- You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
- You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
- The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for local softball scores.
- At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
- The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
- Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
- You think the start of salmon fishing season is a national holiday.
- You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won’t prowl on your deck.
- You know which leaves make good toilet paper. v – You find -40C a little nippy.
- The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
- You can play road hockey on skates.
- You know 4 seasons – Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
- The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
- You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Newfie friends.
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Read all jokes from: Canada (+44), You live in if (+45)
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.
The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars, and drink pop, not soda.
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing u’s from labor, honor, and color.
You know how to say free, prize and no sugar added in French thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
You know what a toque is.
You’ve plugged a car in overnight.
You’ve defended your property from trespassers with a lacrosse stick because you don’t own a gun.
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Read all jokes from: You live in if (+45)
1. You never run out of wheat
2. Those cool Saskatewan Wheat Pool hats
3. Cruise control takes on a whole new meaning
4. Your province is really easy to draw
5. You never have to worry about roll-back if you have a standard
6. It takes you two weeks to walk to your neighbor’s house
7. YOUR Roughriders survived
8. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours
9. People will assume you live on a farm
10.Buying a huge John Deere mower makes sense
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Read all jokes from: You live in if (+45)
How To Tell Where A Driver Is From!
1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: CHICAGO
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: NEW YORK
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: NEW JERSEY
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: BOSTON
5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, gun in lap: LOS ANGELES
6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: OHIO, but driving in CALIFORNIA
7. Waving at everyone that you pass, eating a moon pie, sipping an RC, smiling and chewing and talking to yourself. TENNESSEE
8. One hand on 12 oz. Double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: SEATTLE
9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald’s bag out the window: TEXAS
10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: ALABAMA
11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: FLORIDA
12. Knee up against steering wheel, one hand on Tim Horton’s coffee cup, cell phone in ear, accelerator to the floor, applying makeup/doing crossword puzzle/reading morning Free Press, knocking down orange barrels, changing lanes without turn signals: MICHIGAN
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Read all jokes from: You live in if (+45)
You can name everyone you graduated with.
You know what 4-H is.
You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road.
You used to drag “main.”
You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn’t (same goes with the game warden)
You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.
You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough they’d tell your parents anyhow).
When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out to the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.
You have ever gone home for Homecoming.
It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.
You had senior skip day.
The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
You don’t give directions by street names or directions by references (turn by Nelson’s house, go two blocks past Anderson’s, and it’s four houses left of the track field).
You can’t help but date a friend’s ex-girlfriend (or boyfriend).
Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.
You think kids that ride skateboards are weird.
The town next to you is considered “trashy” or “snooty”, but is actually just like your town.
You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the “rich people.”
The people in the city dress funny, then you pick-up on the trend two years later.
You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.
Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed store.
You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.
Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
Directions are given using “the” stop light as a reference.
Your letter jacket was worn after your 19th birthday.
You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis.
Weekend excitement involves a trip to a Wal-Mart.
Even the ugly people enter beauty pageants.
You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.
Your teachers call you by your older siblings names.
Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.
You can charge at all the local stores.
The closest McDonald’s is 45 miles away… So is the closest mall.
It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawnmower.
You laugh your head off reading this because you know they’re all true and forward it to everyone who lives in your town!
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Read all jokes from: You live in if (+45)
1. Big Rock
2. Preston Manning
3. Tax is 7 percent instead of approx. 200 percent
4. The Premier is a fat, wife-beating alcoholic with a grade 4 education
5. Flames vs. Oilers
6. Stamps vs. Eskies
7. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of
8. Eventually, it will be your town’s turn to ban VLT’s
9. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups
10. You can attempt to murder your rich oil tycoon husband and get away with it
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Read all jokes from: You live in if (+45)
1. The only place in North America to get bombed in the war… by a moron who set a munitions ship on fire
2. Your province is shaped like male genitalia
3. Everyone is a fiddle player
4. If someone asks if you’re a Newfie, you are allowed to kick their ass
5. The local hero is an insane, fiddle playing, sexual pervert
6. The province that produced Rita MacNeil, the world’s largest land mammal
7. You are the reason Anne Murray makes money
8. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to wear a kilt
9. The economy is based on fish, lobster, and fiddle music
10. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is considered Canada’s most beautiful city
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