Read all jokes from: Family (+438)
A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, “Mom, I have something to tell you: I’m gay.”
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she’d heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, “You’re gay — doesn’t that mean you put other men’s penises in your mouth?”
The guy said nervously, “Uh, yeah, Mom, that’s right.”
His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and said, “Don’t you EVER complain about my cooking again!!”
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Read all jokes from: Family (+438)
This man and this woman share a bunk bed with their son. The man and woman sleep on the top and the kid sleeps on the bottom. One night when the kid is asleep, the parents climb to their bed. The man says to the woman, “Say ham when you want it harder, say cheese when you want it softer.”
All through the night the kid hears, “HAM, HAM, HAM, cheese, HAM, HAM, HAM, cheese!”
When the kid wakes up the next morning, he tells his mother, “Mommy, you got to stop making those ham and cheese sandwiches at night cause I end up getting mayonnaise all over me!”
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Read all jokes from: Family (+438)
* “Sorry I’m a little late. I had to stop by the drugstore.”
* “Show me how you used to spank her.”
* “Hi, I’m Hoopla69.”
* “Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?”
* “I just got my license today.”
* “I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me mature.”
* “Five bucks says she’s a D-cup.”
* “Hey do you have an empty pop can and some matches?”
* “Hi. I’m Robert, but my friends call me ‘Back Door Bob.’”
* “So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?”
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Read all jokes from: Family (+438)
This guy has four daughters who all live at home. One Friday night the doorbell rings. The guy answers it and a kid standing there says, “Hi, I’m Freddy. I’m here to pick up Betty. We’re gonna go eat spaghetti. Is she ready?”
The man, mildly amused calls down his daughter and the two leave.
A few minutes later the doorbell rings again and he answers. A kid standing there says, “Hi, I’m Jim. I’m here to see Kim. We’re gonna go for a swim. Can I come in?”
The guy, now perplexed, says, “Yes,” and the two take off.
A few minutes later the doorbell rings and again the father answers. A kid standing there says, “Hi, I’m Joe. I’m here to pick up Flo. We’re gonna go to the show. Can she go?”
The man, now kind of annoyed, says, “Yes.” The two depart.
Sure enough, a few minutes later the door rings and the father answers. A kid standing there says, “Hi, I’m Chuck..”
The father shot him.
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Read all jokes from: Family (+438)
Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it’s missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. “No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don’t say a word.”
She tells him, “Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven’t done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them.”
Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend’s father backs away from the table and screams, “OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I’LL DO THE DISHES!!”
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