Read all jokes from: Lists (+730), Redneck (+1459)
Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
Your Momma would rather go to the racetrack than the Kennedy Center. (Clinton true-life story)
Your moonshine is made on a real moon.
Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
Your most productive fishing lure is a Dupont drifter and a dip net.
Your mother always said keep your nose clean and from this day on you pick your nose.
Your mother comes outta the bathroom and says, “Y’all come look at this before flush it!”
Your mother doesn’t put shoes on to go grocery shopping.
Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
Your mother has more chest hair than your father.
Your mother is hairier than your father.
Your mother kicked you out of the house because you pawned her favorite chainsaw to buy a deer tag.
Your mother’s only shoes are house slippers.
Your mustache is longer than your wife’s hair.
Your name is Billy Joe Jim Bob III.
Your neigbors walk on your lawn thinking you have a garage sale.
Your neighbor has a refridgerator on his front porch stocked with beer so he won’t have to get off the sofa to welcome friends.
Your neighbor spits grass when he talks.
Your neighbor uses leftover house paint to paint his car.
Your neighbors refer to you as the pig farmers and you don’t have any pigs.
Your neighbors think you’re a detective because a cop always brings you home.
Your neighbors think you’re a detective because a Deputy always brings you home.
Your new job promotion means that the company foots the bill to have your name sewn on your shirts.
Your nicest towels say, “Property of Motel 6″.
Your old car is now considered the main storage unit.
Your old toilet now serves as a flower pot in your front yard.
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
Your only excuse for smelling bad is it runs in the family.
Your only tie is made of leather, silver and turquoise.
Your only time spent sober is the time spent getting another 6 pack.
Your other truck is made by John Deere.
Your outhouse is in your front yard.
Your own farts don’t seem to smell so bad.
Your parakeet knows the phrase “Open up, Police!”
Your parents met at a family reunion.
Your pickup has a two-tone paint job – primer red and primer gray.
Your pick-up has four new tires and none of them are the same size.
Your pick-up is at least 3 colors.
Your pickup truck and wife are the same age.
Your pickup truck no longer has a back.
Your pickup truck used to be a car.
Your picture is on the wall of more than three bait stores.
Your pillowcase doubles as your bowling bag.
Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as “Exhibit A”
Your pocketknife often doubles as a toothpick.
Your porn collection is also called the family videos.
Your primary income involves pigs or manure.
Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
Your Proctologist, who watched Deliverance 200 times, asks you if can squeal like a pig.
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Your prom dress was knitted.
Your property has ever been mistaken for a recycling center.
Your racecar looks and runs better than your own car.
Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
Your richest relative invites you over to take the wheels off his new trailer.
Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
Your school dress code contains the line “Shoes Optional”.
Your school fight song is “Dueling Banjos”.
Your screen door has no screen.
Your screen name is JohnDeere.
Your secret family recipe is illegal.
Your septic tank is the subject of a petition.
Your sewage system consists of a pipe down a hillside.
Your shampoo says shake well
Your side by side refrigerator consist of two igloo coolers
Your Sista is also your Auntie.
Your sister has a “Soldier of Fortune” subscription.
Your sister has ever asked to borrow the backhoe.
Your sister has more hair on her legs than you do.
Your sister is also your aunt.
Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
Your sister/brother is also your cousin.
Your sister’s education goal is to get out of high school before she gets pregnant.
Your sleepin’ with the cows and you smell like one!
Your smoke detector doubles as your dinner bell.
Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
Your son Bubba Jr. uses his school locker as a gun cabinet.
Your son has ever stolen disected frogs from Biology class so that your family won’t go hungry.
Your son say daddy, daddy lets go play catch and the father replies toss me a beerout of the fridge and i’ll catch a buzz.
Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.
Your spare tire is a cement block.
Your spring wardrabe mostly involves scissors.
Your state senator is willingly photographed with no shirt and a leather vest on a Harley, but refuses to take a Breathalyzer test.
Your state’s got a new law that says when a couple gets divorced; they are still legally brother and sister.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
Your Sunday vest is green and consists of three different fishin’ lures.
Your T.V. is on 24-7.
Your tablecloth is a bed sheet.
Your tackle box contains dynamite and blasting caps.
Your Thanksgiving centerpiece has ever been prepared by a taxidermist
Your third-grade class has a no-smoking section.
Your tire swing has a truck still attached to it.
Your tires are worth more than your truck.
Your tires on your truck set higher than the actual truck.
Your toenails stick out the end of your tennis shoes.
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Read all jokes from: Lists (+730), Redneck (+1459)
Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.
Your wife can belch louder than you can.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Your wife can out drink you or any of your friends and is willing to prove it.
Your wife can’t fix you dinner because she has cheerleading practice.
Your wife gets a hunting license so you can tag your second buck.
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
Your wife has a set of earrings that you use as a fishing lure.
Your wife has been involved in more than six barroom brawls in the last two weeks.
Your wife has ever asked you to come move the transmission so that she can take a bath.
Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.
Your wife has ever said, “Come move this transmission so I can take a bath.”
Your wife has ever taken two pairs of shoes to a funeral: one pair to trudge thru the wet Georgia red clay between the house and the pickup, and the other pair to wear at the funeral.
Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck under the front of the pickup seat.
Your wife has more children than teeth.
Your wife howls at the moon more than your huntin’ dogs.
Your wife is sister and your daughter
Your wife is so ugly you take her everywhere you go so you never have to kiss her good-bye.
Your wife is the only one that the geese will allow into the laundry room.
Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
Your wife left you for last year’s winner of the hog-calling contest.
Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.
Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.
Your wife puts Bean-O on everything you eat.
Your wife shaves her beard more than you shave yours.
Your wife uses a photo of Tammy Faye as a makeup application guide.
Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they’ve got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
Your wife wears a dress on Sunday and one of you’re flannel shirts over it.
Your wife wears tight leather and it makes her look like a re-tread.
Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator
Your wife’s best pair of shoes are steel-toed Red Wings.
Your wife’s best shoes have steel toes.
Your wife’s bridal reception was at Wal-Mart.
Your wife’s deer head hanging on the wall is bigger than yours.
Your wife’s hairdo attracts bees.
Your wife’s hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your wife’s idea of a sanitary napkin is one of your dirty work socks left beside the toilet.
Your wife’s job requires her to wear an orange vest.
Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
Your wreath is made out of beer cans.
Your yard has been proposed as a new landfill site.
Your yard has more than ten ceramic figurines.
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Read all jokes from: Lists (+730)
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died…”
3. If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: “Hi, my name is Judy and I’m with XYZ Company…” You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, “What are you wearing?”
5. Cry out in surprise,”Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?” Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from.
6. Say “No”, over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, “I don’t have any friends… would you be my friend?”
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: “Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?
9. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can’t sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, “Oh my God!!!” and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say “I guess you don’t want anyone bothering you at home, right?” The Telemarketer will agree and you say, “Me, either!” Hang up.
13.Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14.Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on “home incarceration” and ask if they could bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, “Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I’m not wearing any clothes.”
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. “Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your mom?”
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up… louder… louder…louder…
20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
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Read all jokes from: Lists (+730)
1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION…”Just wait until we get home.”
2. My mother taught me about RECEIVING…”You are going to get it when we get home!”
3. My mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE…”What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you… Don’t talk back to me!”
4. My mother taught me LOGIC…”If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
5. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE…”If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”
6. My mother taught me to THINK AHEAD…”If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job.”
7. My mother taught me ESP…”Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold.”
8. My mother taught me HUMOR…”When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
9. My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT…”If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
10. My mother taught me about GENETICS…”You’re just like your father.”
11. My mother taught me about my ROOTS…”Do you think you were born in a barn?”
12. My mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE…”When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
13. And my all time favorite…JUSTICE…”One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you’ll see what it’s like.”
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Read all jokes from: Lists (+730)
1. A freezer for Eskimos.
2. AC adapter for solar calculators.
3. Air-Bag Motorcycle jacket.
4. Anklet wristwatches for contortionists.
5. Avalanche prevention goggles.
6. Battery powered battery charger.
7. Battery-operated nuclear power plants.
8. Blinker Fluid.
9. Brake oil.
10. Breathable space suit.
11. Brown undershorts.
12. Cabin pressurization system for the Cessna 150.
13. Caffeine-free Diet Coke.
14. Candy bars with stannous fluoride added.
15. Car steering triangles – doubles as anti-theft device.
16. Cast iron wire.
17. Cat flap for the fridge.
18. Checkered paint.
19. Combs for bald-heads.
20. Cordless plumb line.
21. Dehydrated water.
22. Diet celery.
23. Digital clock-winder.
24. Digital computer.
25. Double-sided playing cards.
26. Downhill stairmaster.
27. Ejector seats for helicopters.
28. Electric banana straightener.
29. Electric dog polisher.
30. Extra-large bicycle clips, for use when cycling in shorts.
31. Fat-free Twinkies.
32. Felt Jumper cables.
33. Fine glass-crystal castanets.
34. Fireproof cigarettes.
35. Fireproof kindling.
36. Fireproof matches.
37. Flame-retardant gasoline.
38. Flashbulb tester.
39. Flavored suppositories.
40. Foam rubber toothpicks.
41. Freeze Dried Water.
42. Frictionless Sandpaper.
43. Fur sink.
44. Hand-powered chainsaw.
45. Ice skate sandals, for use in hot climates.
46. Inflatable anchor.
47. Inflatable dart board.
48. Inflatable PC – The Ultimate Laptop!
49. Kickstand for a tank.
50. Laundromat in a nudist colony.
51. Leather cutlery.
52. Lie detectors for politicians.
53. Low salt brine.
54. Low-calorie PowerBar.
55. Luminous sun-dial, for use at night.
56. Matte finish floor wax.
57. Mesh raincoat.
58. Money with negative face value.
59. Motorcycle seat-belts.
60. Muffler Bearings.
61. Non-intrusive alarm clock (raises a flag instead of ringing a bell).
62. Non-stick Cellotape.
63. Open-toed Safety Shoes.
64. Papier mache step ladder.
65. Parachute that opens automatically, upon impact.
66. Particle board tent stakes.
67. Reduced calorie water.
68. Remote control for a computer.
69. Remote control for a Watchman.
70. Reversible garbage disposal.
71. Rubber Kleenex.
72. Screen door on a submarine.
73. Second-hand fireworks.
74. Self-stick frying pan.
75. Soap-Dissolver.
76. Solar powered flashlight.
77. Solar-powered night light.
78. Solar-powered pacemakers for elderly sunbathers.
79. Steel-belted radial rubber bands.
80. Strap-on portable chairs.
81. Sugar-coated insulin.
82. Sundial with glow in the dark markings.
83. Tire chains for motorcycles.
84. Trailer hitch for the Honda CVCC.
85. Training wheels for timid sports car drivers.
86. Umbrella with a skylight.
87. Unsinkable submarine.
88. Waterproof sponge.
89. Waterproof teabags.
90. Waterproof toilet paper.
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1. There is one word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly. What is it?
2. A man gave one son 10 cents and another son was given 15 cents. What time is it?
3. A boat has a ladder that has six rungs, each rung is one foot apart. The bottom rung is one foot from the water. The tide rises at 12 inches every 15 minutes. High tide peaks in one hour. When the tide is at its highest, how many rungs are under water?
4. There is a house with four walls. Each wall faces south. There is a window in each wall. A bear walks by one of the windows. What color is the bear?
5. Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?
6. There is a room. The shutters are blowing in. There is broken glass on the floor. There is water on the floor. You find Sloppy dead on the floor. Who is Sloppy? How did Sloppy die?
7. How much dirt would be in a hole 6 feet deep and 6 feet wide that has been dug with a square edged shovel?
8. If I were in Hawaii and dropped a bowling ball in a bucket of water which is 45 deg. F, and dropped another ball of the same weight, mass, and size in a bucket at 30 deg. F, both of them at the same time, which ball would hit the bottom of the bucket first? Same question, but the location is in Canada?
9. What is the significance of the following: The year is 1978, thirty-four minutes past noon on May 6th.
10. What can go up a chimney down, but can’t go down a chimney up? (hint… chim chimminy)
11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in the center field?
12. What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move?
Answers To Brain Teasers
1. The word “incorrectly.” (Almost cracked your brain, didn’t you?)
2. 1:45. The man gave away a total of 25 cents. He divided it between two people. Therefore, he gave a quarter to two.
3. None, the boat rises with the tide. Duh.
4. White. If all the walls face south, the house is at the North pole, and the bear, therefore, is a polar bear.
5. Three. Well, it seems that it could almost be either, but if you follow the mathematical orders of operation, division is performed before addition. So… half of two is one. Then add two, and the answer is three.
6. Sloppy is a goldfish. The wind blew the shutters in, which knocked his goldfish-bowl off the table, and it broke, killing him. (Poor Sloppy.)
7. None. No matter how big a hole is, it’s still a hole: the absence of dirt. (And those of you who said 36 cubic feet are wrong for another reason, too. You would have needed the length measurement too. So you don’t even know how much air is in the hole.)
8. Both questions, same answer: the ball in the bucket of 45 deg. F water hits the bottom of the bucket last. Did you think that the water in the 30 deg. F bucket is frozen? Think again. The question said nothing about that bucket having anything in it. Therefore, there is no water (or ice) to slow the ball down.
9. The time and month/date/year American style calendar are 12:34, 5/6/78.
10. An umbrella.
11. One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big stack.
12. The temperature.
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The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
Q. What American State has the highest percentage of people who walk to work? A. Alaska
The world’s youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
The youngest pope was 11 years old.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades – King David; Hearts – Charlemagne; Clubs – Alexander the Great; Diamonds – Julius Caesar
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both of the horses front legs in the air the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month? A. Conception
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? A. Obsession
Q. What is the only food that doesn’t spoil? A. Honey
Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year? A. Father’s Day
Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic? A. He was allergic to carrots
Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party? A. Snooping in your medicine cabinet
In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase “Goodnight, sleep tight.”
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month. We know it today as the “Honeymoon.”
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them, “Mind your own pints and quarts and settle down!” It’s where we get the phrase “Mind your P’s and Q’s.”
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. “Wet your whistle” is the phrase inspired by this practice.
In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden …and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
AND FINALLY:
At least 75% of the people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
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Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and were still smelling pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the b.o.
Baths equaled a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.”
Houses had thatched roofs. Thick straw, piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the pets…dogs, cats and other small animals, mice, rats, bugs lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying, “It’s raining cats and dogs.”
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. So, they found if they made beds with big posts and hung a sheet over the top, it addressed that problem. Hence those beautiful big 4 poster beds with canopies. I wonder if this is where we get the saying “Good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite.”
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying “dirt poor.” The wealthy had slate floors which would get slippery in the winter when wet. So they spread thresh on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed at the entry way, hence a “thresh hold.”
They cooked in the kitchen in a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They mostly ate vegetables and didn’t get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been in there for a month. Hence the rhyme: “Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.”
Sometimes they could obtain pork and would feel really special when that happened. When company came over, they would bring out some bacon and hang it to show it off. It was a sign of wealth and that a man “could really bring home the bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and “chew the fat.”
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food. This happened most often with tomatoes, so they stopped eating tomatoes… for 400 years.
Most people didn’t have pewter plates, but had trenchers – a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Trenchers were never washed and a lot of times worms got into the wood. After eating off wormy trenchers, they would get “trench mouth.”
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the “upper crust.”
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait to see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a “wake.”
England is old and small, and they started running out of places to bury people. So, they would dig up coffins and would take their bones to a house and reuse the grave. In reopening these coffins, one out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on their wrist and lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night to listen for the bell. Hence on the “graveyard shift” they would know that someone was “saved by the bell” or was a “dead ringer.”
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You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age…and isn’t breaking any laws.
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
Neighbors borrow your tools.
People call at 9 pm and ask, “Did i wake you?”
The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.
You wear black socks with sandals.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You go bowling without drinking.
You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
You feel like the night before and didn’t even go out.
A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge
Dialing long distance tires you out.
You decide to procrastinate but never get around to it.
Everything hurts, and when it doesn’t, it doesn’t work.
Your little black book only contains names ending in MD.
You get winded playing chess.
You join a health club and don’t go.
You’re still chasing women, but can’t remember why.
Your mind makes contracts your body can’t fulfill.
You know all the answers but no one asks the questions.
You look forward to a dull evening.
You turn out the light for economic, not romantic reasons.
You sit in a rocking chair and can’t make it go.
Your knees buckle but your belt doesn’t.
You’re 17 around the neck, 43 around the waist and 100 around the golf course.
After painting the town red you have to take a nap before a 2nd coat.
A lot of room in the house, but none in the medicine cabinet.
You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
You finally know your way around and don’t feel like going.
Everything is farther away than it used to be and it’s twice as far to the corner than it used to be and they’ve added a hill.
You give up running for the bus because it leaves much faster than it used to.
Stairs are much steeper than they used to be and they’re using smaller print in the papers.
New clothes are getting smaller in the hips and waist.
Everyone speaks so low you can’t hear them.
People are much younger than they were when you were their age, but people your age are older than your are.
You meet an old friend who has aged so much she doesn’t recognize you.
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