Read all jokes from: Lists (+730), Redneck (+1459)
You taught your children how to play “Pull My Finger.”
You tell everyone your wife is the reincarnation of Ares, the god of war.
You tell Grandpa he has something in his teeth and he takes them out to see.
You tell your wife to squeal like a pig to start foreplay.
You thing “megabytes” means a good day fishing.
You think “Chablis” is the name of last month’s Playboy centerfold.
You think “Country & Western” covers both types of music.
You think “dual airbags” refers to your wife and mother-in-law.
You think “Dueling Banjos” is classical music.
You think “harass” are two words.
You think “Hooked on Phonics” is a fishing show.
You think “loaded dishwasher” means your wife is drunk.
You think “loading the dishwasher” means getting your wife drunk.
You think “manual labor” is a Spanish ambassadar.
You think “Meals on Wheels” is another name for roadkill.
You think “Old Yeller” refers to your brother’s tooth.
You think “Ross Perot” is how your cousin Ross got out of jail early.
You think “six to ten pounds” on the side of the Pampers box means how much the diaper will hold.
You think “social consciousness” means how well you can hold your liquor.
You think “taking out the trash” means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You think “The Nutcracker” is something you do off the high dive.
You think “trash TV” is something in your backyard.
You think “wind sprints” means running from a fart.
You think 2 Pac Shakur is a Jewish holiday.
You think 401k is your mother-in-law’s bra size.
You think 7-11 is a grocery store.
You think a “thesaurus” was a dinosaur.
You think a “cursor” is someone who swears a lot.
You think a canopy goes under the bed instead of over it.
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
You think a computer hacker carries an axe.
You think a dashboard is the best place to keep your hats.
You think a date is going out mooning people.
You think a hard drive is driving more than one hour.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.
You think a lava lamp is erotic.
You think a lavatory is a breed of dog.
You think a manicure is some kind of French doctor.
You think a night of fine dining is going to the Snack Bar at Wal-Mart while the automotive department is raising your truck another 8 inches.
You think a quarter horse is a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.
You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
You think a stock tip is advice on wormin’ your hogs.
You think a strip joint is where they disassemble cars.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient for soup.
You think a TV dinner consists of a RC Cola and a moonpie.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman’s anatomy.
You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.
You think an oil change involves a comb and a bottle of Vitalis.
You think beef jerky and Moonpies are two of the major food groups.
You think beef stroganoff is when the bull is playing with himself.
You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
You think coming from a broken home means your trailer has a flat.
You think country and western are the two kinds of music.
You think cow tipping should be an Olympic sport.
You think cur is a breed of dog.
You think deer hunting should be an Olympic sport.
You think dingle berries are a fruit.
You think doctorin’ involves mamma’s sewing kit and a jug.
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
You think dressing up is putting on all your camo.
You think every bottle of wine comes with a screw cap.
You think fast food is hitting a deer at 60 miles an hour.
You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.
You think French onion dip is an exotic tobacco product.
You think garabage pickin’ is a hobbie.
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
You think golf is when you try to hit the ball up your neighbors hole
You think good china is China without any Chinese people.
You think Hamlet is on the McDonald’s breakfast menu.
You think hocking loogies onto oncoming vehicles should be an Olympic sport.
You think icing is what you do to your front steps before your mother in law comes over.
You think Iraq is a high performance Camaro.
You think Iraq is top-of-the-line Camaro.
You think its okay to have your 6 year old babysit your 5, 4, and 3-year o.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You think Motorola is a fancy name for a car part.
You think mud rasslin’ should be an Olympic sport.
You think NSYNC is where the dirty dishes are.
You think OFF is a fine smelling cologne.
You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother’s tooth.
You think paprika is a Third World country.
You think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.
You think people who have elictricty are uppity.
You think Possum is “The Other White Meat”
You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’oeuvre.
You think Purina is some kind of Ex-Lax.
You think ribs come from Europe.
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
You think safe sex is having a pad in the headboard of your bed.
You think safe sex means putting on the emergency brake.
You think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project down in Biloxi.
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
You think suspenders are a type of shirt.
You think TACO BELL is the Mexican Phone Company
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You think Tang is in the fruit group.
You think that “G.E.D.” stands for “Good Enough Degree”
You think that “HANK” of “Huntin with Hank” is a real fine actor
You think that “loaden up the dishwasher” means getting your wife drunk.
You think that “Winnie-the-Pooh” is something your Granny just left on the rug.
You think that anyone with ten fingers and toes is abnormal.
You think that Australia is ruled by the south because their flags are similar.
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
You think that Don Perignon is a Mafia leader.
You think that duct tape works better than spot welding.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
You think that Marlboro is a cologne.
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’ouerve.
You think that Roe v. Wade is a decision you make when crossing the creek.
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
You think that the apple com-pu-ter is the latest in new fangled tech-o-nol-o-gee.
You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You think the “Nutcracker” is something you do on the diving board.
You think the ATM machine is a giant, public calculator.
You think the Battle of the Bulge is an argument between your wife and your mother.
You think the best way to keep things cold is to leave ‘em in the shade.
You think the blood on the back of your pickup truck looks cool.
You think the blood on the front of your pickup truck looks cool.
You think the Bud Bowl is real.
You think the first four words of the national anthem are, “”Gentlemen start your engines”.
You think the Franklin Mint is a breath freshener.
You think the freeway is the back door of the movie theater.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
You think the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.
You think the Internet is a new fishing tool.
You think the internet is something you use fishing.
You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are: “Gentlemen start your engines.”
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen, start your engines” or “Play Ball… “
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are “Play Ball… “
You think the most popular pick-up line is “Nice tooth!”
You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just “misunderstood”.
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You think the OJ Trial was a Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You think the only tools “real men” need are duck tape and caulk, and you have sucessful repair projects to prove it.
You think the phrase “chicken out” means one of your pets has escaped.
You think the play The King and I is about Elvis.
You think the police can’t see you because your truck is painted camouflage.
You think the quarterhorse is the ride outside of Wal-Mart.
You think the Roman Empire has somthing to do with a cell phone.
You think the space program is fake and pro wrestling is real.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You think the stock market is a place to buy hogs, hens, or chickens!
You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You think the theory of relativity has something to do with inbreeding.
You think the three primary colors are John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.
You think the tobacco companies have done nothing wrong.
You think the ultimate beauty treatment is using Preparation-H to prevent wrinkles.
You think the unibomber was a wrestler.
You think the vowels are E..I..E..I..O.
You think the winter Olympic sport of curling is part of the “Big Hair” competition.
You think the WWF is a romantic sport.
You think there’s nothin wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family.
You think those yellow traffic signs that say “Slow children at play” means the kids in the area are not too bright.
You think Thunderbird is an acceptable wine choice with a bean burrito.
You think toilet water is exactly that.
You think truffles are a brand of potato chips.
You think virgin wool comes from ugly sheep.
You think W.W.J.D stands for, “What would Junior do?”
You think Wal-Mart is expensive.
You think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.
You think you are an entrepreneur because of the “Dirt for Sale” sign in the front yard.
You think your IQ is the number of coons you shot out of season.
You think your sister is sexier than your wife.
You think, “recycle” means to ride your bike again.
You thought ER was ET’s cousin.
You thought Texas A&M is a root beer made in Texas.
You thought the Sega Dreamcast was a new fishing rod.
You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler.
You thought the Y2K Bug was a new species of insect.
You throw a beer can out the truck window and your wife shoots it.
You time your belches to achieve a personal best.
You tip the waiter with change.
You took your coon dogs on your honeymoon.
You took your sister/brother to the prom.
You tried to claim “loss of teeth” as an exemption on your taxes.
You use a 55 Chevy as a guesthouse.
You use a bed sheet as a sofa cover.
You use a gas can to fill up your pick up truck.
You use a NASCAR credit card.
You use a pig for a garbage disposal.
You use a weedeater in your living room.
You use an ironing board as a knick-knack shelf.
You use Armor-All on your leather jacket.
You use baling wire to keep your car door closed.
You use bread twisters for ornament hooks on your Christmas tree.
You use channel locks for a nose hair trimmer.
You use coffee filters when you run out of toilet tissue.
You use dental floss to restring your banjo.
You use duct-tape as bikini wax.
You use lava soap more than three times a day.
You use mason jars to make lamps.
You use old auto parts as a boat anchor.
You use the “O” on the stop sign in front of your house to sight in your new rifle.
You use the car that is broken down in the driveway as a tool shed.
You use the CD-ROM drive on your computer to hold your beer.
You use the O on a stop sign to sight your new rifle.
You use the shaving cream made for tough beards and so does your husband.
You use the term “over yonder’ more than once a month.
You use the water in your toilet to bob for apples.
You use the word “man” at least four times in each sentence you speak.
You use the word ain’t a lot.
You use your belt buckle as identification
You use your boxers as a surrender flag.
You use your computer as a stereo.
You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.
You use your front porch as a deerstand.
You use your great uncle’s underpants for cleaning rags.
You use your native language, to cuss at your kids, to cover up the fact that you are a redneck in your native country.
You use your shoe as a tobacco can.
You use your shower curtain as your Prom dress.
You use your water gun as a shower sprayer.
You use your weed whacker as a toothpick.
You vacuum the sheets instead of washing them.
You videotape fishing shows.
You view duct tape as a long-term investment.
You view the next family reunion as a chance to meet girls.
You wait all night to shoot one mouse with your grandma’s BB gun.
You wake up in the morning already dressed for work.
You wake up the day after your wedding to find your sister next to you.
You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
You wake up with chocolate in your ears after spending the night in a fine hotel.
You walk the ends off your jeans instead of hemming them.
You want the opening day of deer hunting season to be declared a national holiday.
You wash your truck in a mud puddle.
You watch “The Dukes Of Hazzard” and have to find someone to explain it to you.
You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.
You watch Jerry Springer to see if any of your relatives are on the show today.
You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
You wax your eyebrows with duck tape.
You wear a tank top to your mother’s funeral.
You wear a tube top to a wedding.
You wear camouflage pants with a plaid flannel shirt and combat boots.
You wear cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
You wear flannel shirts no matter what season it is.
You wear knee-high stockings with a skirt.
You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
You wear your Mom’s dress that she wore at her funeral.
You wear your softball uniform even on the days you’re not playing.
You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45′s.
You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 8-tracks.
You were allowed to drink beer and date the teacher all through high school.
You were born and raised in a pickup truck.
You were born with a plastic spoon in your mouth.
You were expelled from summer school.
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Read all jokes from: Lists (+730), Redneck (+1459)
The dogcatcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
The Dollar-General is bigger than the Wal-Mart.
The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your butt when you get out.
The emergency room nurse knows everyone in your family by name.
The fairground’s main attraction is to see who can throw cow pie the farthest!
The family business needs a lookout.
The FBI surrounded your trailer park twice so far this year.
The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recognize your wife… and wave to her.
The fifth grade is referred to as “your senior year”.
The figures on your wedding cake wore overalls.
The fire department leaves after discovering that the fire that destroyed your bathroom never did reach the house.
The first question your mother asks upon checking into the motel is, “Where’s the nearest liquor store?”
The first thing you do in the morning is checking your critter trap, and you’re disappointed when it is empty.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are “Howdy!”, “HEY!” or “How Y’all Doin’?” (If they respond with the same… they’re a redneck too!)
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are “Howdy!” “HEY!” or “How Y’all Doin?”
The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.
The fountain at your wedding spewed beer instead of champagne.
The front license plate of your car has the words “Foxy Lady” written in airbrush.
The fuel for your main mode of transportation is oats.
The game warden knows the serial numbers to your guns by heart.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
The gazebo in your yard is bigger than your trailer.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
The highlight of your day is finding the prize in a Cracker Jack box.
The highlight of your family reunion was your sister’s nude dancing debut
The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
The hood of your truck is higher than the roof of your house.
The idea for the Budweiser frogs came from listening to you and your friends trying to read the label on the bottle.
The KKK kicked you out for being a bigot.
The lake has to be restocked after you take a bath.
The landscaping in your front yard is broken down cars.
The last time you saw your daddy outside, he was picking up trash, chained to three other guys.
The library in your city ran out of the book “The ABC’s of Belching”.
The main course at potluck dinners is roadkill.
The make, model, and license plate number of your truck are obscured by a layer of mud.
The Marlboro man is your idol.
The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can’t find it.
The most common phrase heard in your house is, “Somebody go jiggle the handle.”
The most common phrase you hear at your family reunion is “What the hell are you lookin’ at Diphead?”
The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is “What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?”
The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.
The nearest liquor store is brewing in your basement.
The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
The newspaper (the business) is the community toilet paper.
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Read all jokes from: Lists (+730)
1. If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
2. There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.
3. Don’t assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
4. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
5. A penny saved is a government oversight.
6. He who hesitates is probably right.
7. When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
8. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
9. The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
10. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth!
11. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
13. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
14. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
15. The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it’s open.
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Read all jokes from: Lists (+730)
1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes
2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.
3. No need to worry about tax returns
4. Glorious military history… well, until about 400 a.d.
5. Can wear sunglasses inside
6. Political stability
7. Flexible working hours
8. Live near the Pope
9. Country run by Sicilian murderers
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Read all jokes from: Lists (+730)
1. You’re so tired you now answer the phone, “Hell.”
2. Your friends call to ask how you’ve been, and you immediately scream, “Get off my back, jerk!”
3. Your garbage can IS your “in” box.
4. You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don’t care.
5. You have so much on your mind, you’ve forget often how to think.
6. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through …er…. Monday.
7. You sleep more at work than at home.
8. You leave for a party and instinctively take your ID badge.
9. Your Day Timer exploded a week ago.
10. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.
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Read all jokes from: Jewish (+6996), Lists (+730)
My Rabbi came over yesterday and we had a Bris for my computer – he cut a little piece off the tail of my mouse. He also told me that I should buy a kosher computer, called a KPC. If I did, he said I would need to know the differences.
1 The KPC comes with 2 hard drives, one for flayshedig business software and one for milchedig computer games
2 Internet Explorer comes with a spinning Star of David in the upper right corner
3 Microsoft Office includes, “a little byte of this and a little byte of that.”
4 Hava Nagila plays during the KPC boot up
5 The Chanukah screen saver shows Flying Dreidels
6 The KPC automatically shuts down at sundown every Friday
7 The KPC start button is labelled, “Let’s go already, I’m not getting any younger.”
8 When disconnecting external devices from the back of the KPC, the screen message says, “Please remove cable from the tuchus.”
9 KPC scandisk opens with the prompt, “You vant I should fix this?”
10 When the KPC processor is working hard, it broadcasts a loud, ‘Oy Gevalt.’
11 After 30 minutes of inactivity, the KPC goes shloffen.
12 KPC email always opens with “You don’t write and you never call.”
13 The KPC options button is labelled, “But on the other hand.”
14 When delete is chosen, the KPC Dialogue Box says, “Listen, you never know – you might need this someday. So do you really want to cancel?”
15 The KPC comes with a monitor cleaning solution from Manischewitz to get rid of shmutz from the monitor.
16 Computer viruses on the KPC are quickly cured with chicken soup.
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Read all jokes from: Lists (+730)
1. Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don’t know.
2. Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.
3. Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.
4. Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
5. No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
6. Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).
7. If a person is choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
8. Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
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Read all jokes from: Lists (+730), Redneck (+1459)
You’ve ever stolen a Neighborhood Watch sign to put in your yard.
You’ve ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.
You’ve ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
You’ve ever stolen toilet paper.
You’ve ever stood in line more than 1 hour to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.
You’ve ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.
You’ve ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.
You’ve ever stood outside a K-mart for more than an hour arguing with the manager about the shirt and shoes law.
You’ve ever strained your tea through a flyswatter.
You’ve ever taken a date flowers you’ve stole from a cemetery.
You’ve ever taken a generator and a 27-inch TV camping.
You’ve ever taken reading material into an airplane restroom.
You’ve ever talked back to characters on the movie screen.
You’ve ever thrown up in a squad car.
You’ve ever told the local sheriff that you smell a pig and he replies, “I knew I should have taken a shower after I slopped the hogs today.”
You’ve ever towed another car using panty hose and duct tape.
You’ve ever used a hangnail as a tooth pick.
You’ve ever used a laundromat as a mailing address.
You’ve ever used a toaster to light your cigarette.
You’ve ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
You’ve ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
You’ve ever used a weed eater indoors.
You’ve ever used an inner-tube patch on your jeans.
You’ve ever used jumper cables to start your computer.
You’ve ever used lard in bed.
You’ve ever used scissors on food.
You’ve ever used your fishing license as a form of identification
You’ve ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.
You’ve ever used your only phone call in jail to check the status of Nascar race.
You’ve ever vacationed in a rest area.
You’ve ever valet parked a snow plow.
You’ve ever water-skied in your underwear.
You’ve ever worn a tie with a flannel shirt.
You’ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
You’ve ever worn cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
You’ve ever worn hunter’s orange to church.
You’ve ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
You’ve ever wrestled your mama for the last can of beer.
You’ve ever yelled “Rock the house Bubba!” during a piano recital.
You’ve ever yelled out the window “KIDS!! STOP PLAYIN’ ON THAT SHEET METAL!’
You’ve given your gun a woman’s name.
You’ve got a tab at the ABC Liquor Store.
You’ve got more guns “On Display” than Wal-Mart Sporting Goods.
You’ve got more than one brother named “Darryl.
You’ve got more than three cousins named “Bubba”.
You’ve got to shuck your toilet paper before you use it.
You’ve had a custody fight over a hunting dog.
You’ve hit on somebody in a VD clinic.
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Read all jokes from: Lists (+730)
1. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
2. If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?
3. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
4. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
5. If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?
6. And whose cruel idea was it to put an “S” in the word “Lisp”?
7. If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him… Is he still wrong?
8. If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide… is it considered a hostage situation?
9. Is there another word for synonym?
10. Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do “practice”?
11. Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
12. What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
13. If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?
14. Would a wingless fly be called a walk?
15. Is a shelless turtle homeless or just naked?
16. Is it true that cannibals won’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
17. Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?
18. Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?
19. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
20. What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
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Read all jokes from: Cat (+694), Lists (+730)
…you refer to going to the bathroom as “using the litterbox.”
…you do not consider an outfit complete without some cat hair.
…you consider cat hair in your food as extra fiber.
…you apologize when you step on a fuzzy cat toy in the dark.
…you snap your fingers and pat the sofa beside you to invite your guests to sit down.
…you sleep on one edge of the bed because the cat is sleeping in the middle looking soooo cute!
…you accidentally put your child’s dinner plate on the floor.
…you spend more money on toys for your cats than on The kids or grandkids.
…you decorate your Christmas tree with dangly cat toys.
…your neighbors refer to you as “the crazy one with all the cats.”
…you have more pictures of your cats than your kids in your wallet.
…you refer to your cat as your furry child.
…your parents wind up with a four- footed, furry “grandchild.”
…you plan your vacation around the cat show schedule.
…you accidentally call your spouse by your cat’s name!
…you set a place at the dinner table for your cat.
…you have a set of towels with “His” “Hers” and “Kitty’s.”
…you call home and leave a message on the answering machine for your cat.
…you have the cat meow on the outgoing message of the answering machine.
…you and kitty have matching outfits.
…your spouse says, “Me or the cat!,” and there’s no hesitation.
…you never go to the door unless it’s to let a cat out.
…your favorite friends have fleas.
…you chose a house to buy based on it having a good location for the catbox.
…you think cat fur makes a wonderful garnish to any meal.
…you own 17 varieties of kitty- nail- clippers.
…you are lost for conversation with non- cat people.
…you meow so well, you confuse the cats.
…you bore the neighbors with discussions on the exact nutritional differences between 9- Lives and Amore … at length.
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