Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+648)
In school one day the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about materials. So she stood in the front of the class and said, “Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be?”
Little Richie raised his hand and said, “I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche.”
The teacher nodded and called on little Susie Marie. Little Susie said, “I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette.”
The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, “I would want silicon.”
The teacher said, “Why Johnny?”
He responded by saying, “Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!!”
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+648)
Little Johnny was watching his father shower. He asked him about his balls. “Those are my apples,” he said.
Johnny ran to his mother and told her what Daddy said.
His mother asked, “Did Daddy tell you about the dead limb they’re hanging on, too?”
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+648)
A teacher on playground duty noticed a scruffy little boy sitting in the dirt and intently working on something. As she approached, she saw that he was using a twig to stir something in an old soup can.
“What have you got in the can, Johnny?” she asked brightly.
He looked up at her with evil little eyes and said, “Got me some chicken shit n’ water.”
After she had recovered from her shock, she stammered, “What in the world are you doing?”
“Makin’ me a teacher!”
“Oooh!” she howled. “The principal shall hear of this!” and she stamped off to find him.
When she returned with the principal in tow, the boy was still hard at work, stirring away, frowning in concentration.
“All right, Johnny! Now, you tell me, what have you got in that can there?” said the principal.
“I got me some chicken shit an’ water,” said Johnny, grinning crookedly at the man and continuing to stir.
The principal recoiled in horror. “What do you think you’re doing?” he bellowed.
“I’ze makin’ me a principal,” Johnny replied, leering up at him.
“Well, my young friend, we’ll just see about that,” the principal said and stormed off to find a cop.
When at last he returned with a policeman, Johnny was still industriously working on his project.
“All right, me lad, what’ve ye got in the can?” the cop asked.
Johnny replied, “Got me some chicken shit n’ water!”
The cop frowned and said, “Ah, and I suppose you’ll be tellin’ me you’re makin’ a cop, now won’t ye?”
Johnny frowned down into the can, critically examining its contents. “Nope. Ain’t got enough chickenshit.”
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+648)
One day, little Johnny was walking to school with his pet 2 turtles for show and tell. While he was on his way, a truck drove by and startled him. Johnny dropped the turtles and the truck ran them over killing both of them instantly.
Johnny went along to school anyway. When the class all finished doing their show and tell projects, the teacher finally called on Johnny, “Johnny, where is your show and tell for today?”
Johnny replied, “Well teacher it’s like this, I was walking to school with my pet turtles and a truck drove by and scared me. I dropped the turtles and the truck ran his ass right over ‘em and killed ‘em!”
His teacher was in shock and very sternly stated, “Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language in school. We say rectum.”
Johnny said, “Rectum…it damn killed ‘em!”
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+648)
Realizing that their home just wasn’t big enough with the new baby in the house, Little Johnny’s parents discussed moving to a bigger one. Little Johnny sat patiently listening to his parents, then piped in, “It’s no use. He’ll just follow us anyway.”
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Read all jokes from: Yo momma (+8)
Yo mamma so fat you have to roll over twice to get off her…
Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn’t pay for her liposuction!
Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
Yo momma so fat every time she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
Yo momma so fat God couldn’t light Earth till she moved!
Yo momma so fat her belly button makes echoes.
Yo momma so fat her butt needs a zip code.
Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN”
Yo momma so fat her picture fell down.
Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitches good side!
Yo momma so fat I saw her walking down the road I said what are you doing she said moving.
Yo momma so fat I went to climb on her and I burnt my ass on a light bulb.
Yo Momma so fat it takes her two buses and a taxi just to get on her good side.
Yo momma so fat it took six monster trucks, two planes, five trains, and a jet just to get her across the street.
Yo momma so fat it took two trains just to get on her good side.
Yo momma so fat last time she said i want to go home your daddy said sea world aren’t open!
Yo Momma so fat last time she saw 90210 she was looking down at her scale!
Yo momma so fat last time she stood on the scale it said no trucks please.
Yo momma so fat likes a big Mac… full of fat but only worth a buck.
Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise
Yo momma so fat see could not see her feet.
Yo momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
Yo momma so fat she asked for a waterbed and you spread a blanket across the ocean!
Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
Yo momma so fat she don’t need a car to travel the globe.
Yo momma so fat she dressed in white and went snow Boarding and everybody yelled avalanche!
Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo momma so fat she goes to a restaurant looks at the menu and says “okay!”
Yo momma so fat she got baptized in sea world.
Yo momma so fat she got hit by a parked car!
Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
Yo momma so fat she had to get wash up at sea world.
Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue jeans!
Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
Yo momma so fat she has got more chins than a Chinese phone directory.
Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
Yo momma so fat she has to eat cereal out of a satellite dish.
Yo momma so fat she has to sleep in a skip!!!
Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowls.
Yo momma so fat she is stupid.
Yo momma so fat she jumped in the Atlantic Ocean and they claimed her another continent.
Yo Momma so fat she jumped in the ocean, the ocean jumped back.
Yo momma so fat she jumped on a dollar and made change.
Yo momma so fat she jumped right over Dillard’s and landed on Target.
Yo momma so fat she jumped so high she got stuck.
Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
Yo momma so fat she looks like she’s smuggling a Volkswagen!
Yo momma so fat she makes the world look like the size of numbers
Yo momma so fat she play pool with the planets
Yo momma so fat she puts lipstick on with a paint roller.
Yo momma so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
Yo momma so fat she rolled over in the Grand Canyon and got stuck.
Yo momma so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington’s nose.
Yo momma so fat she sat on a Monster truck and she made it into a low rider.
Yo momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
Yo momma so fat she sat on Wal-Mart and made the prices go lower then low.
Yo momma so fat she sits next to everyone in the movies.
Yo momma so fat she sold her car for petrol money.
Yo momma so fat she spells frodge: O I C U R MT.
Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.
Yo momma so fat she stepped on a dollar and four quarters came out!
Yo momma so fat she stepped on the railroad tracks and the warning lights went off! DING DING DING.
Yo Momma so fat she stood on a scale, and the scales life flashed before it eyes
Yo momma so fat she stuck her toes in the ocean and all the whales jump out of the water and sing we are a Family.
Yo momma so fat she took 2 steps and knocked the world off its access.
Yo momma so fat she used ironing board for a tampon.
Yo momma so fat she uses 3 houses!
Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Yo Momma so fat she use a penis for A PENIS!!!!!!
Yo momma so fat she uses a pie as a clock
Yo momma so fat she uses a VCR as a beeper.
Yo Momma so fat she uses her son as a tampon!
Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
Yo momma so fat she uses the highway for a slipping slide
Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!
Yo momma so fat she walked out in a yellow rain-jacket and everybody said catches that twinky.
Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for then new world
Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God’s bowling ball!
Yo momma so fat she was wearing a yellow rain jacket with black buttons and she walked out side and every body ran up to her and said let me get in the school bus.
Yo momma so fat she wears yellow and walks in the street and people yell, “TAXI, TAXI!”
Yo momma so fat she went to sears and got a group discount.
Yo Momma so fat she went to the dry cleaners with her dress and they said Mrs. we don’t do curtains.
Yo momma so fat she went to the movie theater and she sit next to every one.
Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
Yo momma so fat she when she peed Noah had to build a new ark!
Yo momma so fat she’s got her own area code!
Yo momma so fat she’s got more chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
Yo momma so fat she’s jealous of the wall.
Yo momma so fat she’s on both sides of the family!
Yo momma so fat that her picture weighs ten pounds.
Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be aerial views!
Yo momma so fat that mosses couldn’t even parts her butt cheeks!
Yo momma so fat that she had all the zoo animals to give up their lunch.
Yo Momma so fat that she makes free whily look like a Tic-Tac!!
Yo momma so fat that she sat on the rainbow and skittles popped out.
Yo momma so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse.
Yo momma so fat that the only thing holding her from jenny craig is the door.
Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
Yo momma so fat that when she gets lost people have to use all 4 sides of the milk carton.
Yo momma so fat that when she goes backwards, the law required her to have a beeper!
Yo momma so fat that when she turns her head, her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
Yo momma so fat that you have to grease the doorways and dangle a twinkie on the other side to get her through.
Yo momma so fat the Aids quilt wouldn’t cover her.
Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo momma so fat the bitch is just FAT.
Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear “Caution! Wide Turn”
Yo momma so fat the most high-tech scale couldn’t calculate her weight.
Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!!
Yo momma so fat the police dog stopped her at the airport for having 100 pounds of crack.
Yo momma so fat she puts on a yellow shirt and jumps off a 9-story building and every body says the suns falling.
Yo momma so fat the shadow of her butt weighs 50lbs.
Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bathtub to get her out!
Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drags her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo momma so fat we had to grease the door way and wave a twinky in front of her so she could go through.
Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn’t have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
Yo momma so fat when I got done I rolled over and over and over again and I was still on the bitch.
Yo momma so fat when she bents down we have moonlight.
Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes strait to hell.
Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
Yo momma so fat when she dressed in red every body sang hey ho kola id.
Yo momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo momma so fat when she goes to an all you can eat’ restaurant, they put down speed bumps!
Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people tries to ride HER!
Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, “Who threw that rock?”
Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!
Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
Yo momma so fat when she lays on the beach no one else gets sun!
Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks likes she’s wearing tights!
Yo momma so fat when she sat on the rainbow skittles came out.
Yo momma so fat when she saw a bus full of white kids she said stops that twinky.
Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can’t hear the stereo.
Yo momma so fat when she sneezes food comes out of her nose.
Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
Yo momma so fat when she stepped on a scale she couldn’t see the numbers.
Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read, “one at a time, please”
Yo Momma so fat she stood on a scale, and the scales life flashed before it eyes
Yo momma so fat when she stood in the middle of the road I went to swerve around and ran out of gas.
Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
Yo momma so fat when she turn around it’s her birthday
Yo momma so fat when she walked by the TV I missed 10 commercials.
Yo momma so fat when she walked outside everyone yelled, “eclipse!!!!!!”
Yo momma so fat when she was swimming in the ocean a little boy passed by her and said, “Look mama its Titanic”.
Yo momma so fat when she wears red the neighborhood kids shout “Koolaid! Koolaid!”
Yo momma so fat when she went inside the fbi station they renamed it fat bitch inside.
Yo momma so fat when she went to in and out she couldn’t come out.
Yo momma so fat when she went to the store and asked for a waterbed the manager put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
Yo momma so fat when she where’s her Malcolm X T-shirt helicopter’s land on her back.
Yo momma so fat when the doctor cut of her leg gravy poured out.
Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pops!
Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Yo momma so fat you can slap her thigh and ride the waves!
Yo momma so fat you have to grease the doorframe and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through
Yo momma so fat you have to roll her ass in flour and look for the wet spot to fuck her!
Yo momma so fat her blood cells are donuts.
Yo momma so fat I ran around her once at got lost twice.
Yo momma so fat if she were one of the three little pigs, she’d say ‘Not by the hair on my 26 chins!’
Yo momma so fat it takes 5 suns to equal her size!!!
Yo momma so fat she didn’t get the part in the movie “Forest Gump” because she kept eating the box of chocolates!
Yo momma so fat she got two butts: one in the front and one in the back.
Yo momma so fat she is like a T.V, even a 3 year old can turn her on.
Yo momma so fat she plays hop-scotch like this….” L.A…. Chicago… New Jersey Miami “
Yo momma so fat she walked passed the TV and you missed 3 episodes.
Yo momma so fat the photographer charged her for a family photo!
Yo momma so fat when I looked at her picture it said, “to be continued.
Yo momma so fat when Kermit the frog saw her, he said, “Miss Piggy.”
Yo momma so fat when she wears her BVD’s they spell out Boulevard!
Yo momma so fat she doesn’t wear daisy dukes she wears boss hogs.
Yo momma so fat when she halls ass it takes two trips.
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Read all jokes from: Yo momma (+8)
Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, “Li’l Mary will never amount to anything”.
Yo momma so old even God calls her mother!
Yo momma so old god sent her to hell cause she didn’t pay him back.
Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
Yo momma so old her social security number is 1!
Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.
Yo momma so old she farts dust.
Yo momma so old she gotta picture with her and Jesus on a seesaw.
Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Yo momma so old she has Jesus beeper number!
Yo momma so old she knew Burger King when he was a prince.
Yo momma so old she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro.
Yo momma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks!
Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.
Yo momma so old she uses to gangbang with the Hebrews.
Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Yo momma so old she was Jesus Wet Nurse
Yo momma so old she’s blind from the big bang
Yo momma so old that when God said let be the light, she hit the switch.
Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
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Read all jokes from: Yo momma (+8)
Yo mamma so poor, I walked into her house and started to flick boogers off the wall and she said, “Leave alone my family pictures”
Yo momma so poor her face is on the front of a food stamp.
Yo momma so poor I asked her where’s the bathroom and she said two bushes to the right!
Yo momma so poor I went to the park and stepped on a lit cigarette and she said, “Who turned off the heat”
Yo momma so poor she cannot bye a 1.00 dollar outfit.
Yo momma so poor she can’t afford sex.
Yo momma so poor she can’t afford to pay attention!
Yo momma so poor she drives a peanut.
Yo momma so poor she gave you unwanted periods for your birthday.
Yo momma so poor she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people’s fingers.
Yo momma so poor she put penny candy on layaway.
Yo momma so poor she saw a burning cigarette, and started singing, “clap you hands and stomp you feet, praise the lord, we got heat!”
Yo momma so poor she takes showers in the rain.
Yo momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, “What ya doin’?” She said, “Buying luggage.”
Yo momma so poor she was walking down the street and she saw a begger then she took his money and said thanks
Yo momma so poor she waves around a Popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.
Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald’s and put a milkshake on layaway.
Yo momma so poor when I asked, what’s for supper, she kicked off her shoes and socks and said, CORN!!!
Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!
Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says, “DING!”
Yo momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said “Moving.”
Yo momma so poor when I threw a rock in garbage can she said, “whos knocking”!!!
Yo momma so poor when I went to her house I stepped on the skateboard she said gets off the family car.
Yo momma so poor when I went to your house I dropped a Doritos and she came running after it and yelled “ooh dinner!”
Yo momma so poor when someone rings the doorbell she sticks her head out the window and say ding-dong.
Yo momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
Yo momma so poor, I saw her walking down the street with one shoe on. I said “have you lost one shoe”, she said, “no I found one”
Yo momma so poor, on Halloween her trick was the treat!
Yo momma so poor, she can’t afford free samples.
Yo momma so poor, when I went inside her house a rat tripped me and a roach stole my wallet.
Yo momma so poor I saw her kicking a box and I asked her why she was kicking a box and she said that she was moving.
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Read all jokes from: Yo momma (+8)
Yo momma so dumb, she has a peephole in her glass door.
Yo momma so dumb, she walked into an antique store and said “What’s new?”
Yo momma so dumb, she tried to drown a fish.
Yo momma so dumb, she shoved a phone up her butt to make a booty-call.
Yo momma so dumb, her latest invention was a glass hammer.
Yo momma so dumb, she ran into an automatic sliding door.
Yo momma so dumb, she bought a solar-powered flashlight.
Yo Momma so dumb she ran into a parked car.
Yo momma so dumb she failed her blood test.
Yo momma so dumb, she looked at her reflection in the mirror and said “STOP COPYING ME!!”
Yo momma so dumb she thought she could get a virus from a computer.
Yo momma so dumb she thought she could get something from driving in the HOV lane.
Yo momma so dumb that she needed a tutor to learn haw to scribble.
Yo momma so dumb she paid a ticket to join the sole train.
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