Read all jokes from: Kids (+2427)
For weeks a six-year-old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+648)
Little Johnny was late for school. When he finally got there his teacher asked, “Why are you late little Johnny?”
Johnny replied, “My grandpa got burnt, Miss.”
The teacher replied, “I hope it wasn’t too bad.”
Then little Johnny said, “Don’t worry, the crematorium doesn’t fuck around!”
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Read all jokes from: Kids (+2427), School (+377)
A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter “R,” and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: “Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.”
In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud.
The boy nervously eyed his classmates – many of them already laughing at him – then replied, “Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn’t cooked enough.”
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Read all jokes from: Kids (+2427)
A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.
Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, “Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?”
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+648)
There has been an emergency when Bert gets home from work. His 9 year old son, Little Johnny called to tell him that his younger son has been hurt, he was hit by a car. Bert rushes through the doors of the emergency room at the hospital, “I got here as fast as I could! How is Milton?”
He is told by his wife, “He’s fine. He needed three stitches in his chin.”
“Johnny told me what happened! Thank goodness he’s all right! Thank goodness he wasn’t killed! I can’t believe our Little Milty was hit by a car!”
“That’s what Johnny told you?” asks Wilma.
“Well, he said some other stuff, too, but I was running out the door? Why?”
“Are you familiar with the ‘Hot Wheels’ line of vehicles?”
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Read all jokes from: Kids (+2427)
Once when Mary was young her school had a halloween party for them. Mary decided to go as a pirate after she had donned her costume she went into the family room to show her family they were impressed.
Mom said you look terrific mary you have your sabre,and your parrot on your shoulder, and look you even have a neat sack to carry your booty, but where are your buccaneers?
Says Mary, my buccaneers are under my buccanhat!
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+648)
Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that “Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between boys and girls,” and would his mother, “please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.”
So johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom,and closes the door.
- first, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse.
So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.
- ok, now take off my skirt…
And he takes off her skirt.
- now take off my bra.
Which he does.
- and now, Johnny, please take off my panties.
And when Johnny finishes removing those, she says, “Johnny, PLEASE don’t wear any of my clothes to school any more!”
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Read all jokes from: Kids (+2427)
Q: What did the alien say to the garden?
A: Take me to your weeder
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Read all jokes from: Kids (+2427), School (+377)
The teacher walked into the classroom to find words like “cunt” and “cock” scrawled all over the blackboard.
“Children,” she said, addressing the classroom, “you are much too young to use vile language like that. Now we’re all going to close our eyes and count up to fifty. Then, while our eyes are closed, I want the little boy or girl who wrote those words on the board to tiptoe up and erase them.”
At the signal, the teacher and the children all closed their eyes. Then the teacher counted out loud, very slowly. When she reached fifty, she said, “All right. Everybody open their eyes.”
All eyes went to the blackboard. None of the words were erased. But below them was the message: “Fuck you, teacher! The Phantom strikes again!”
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+648)
Realizing that their home just wasn’t big enough with the new baby in the house, Little Johnny’s parents discussed moving to a bigger one. Little Johnny sat patiently listening to his parents, then piped in, “It’s no use. He’ll just follow us anyway.”
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