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Read all jokes from:Little Johnny (+648)
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him jerking off.
Read all jokes from:Little Johnny (+648)
A teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked little Johnny, he said, “My father’s dead, Miss.”
Read all jokes from:Kids (+2427)
Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale.
Read all jokes from:Kids (+2427)
Henry Abel’s son, David, burst into the house, crying like everything. His Mama asked him what the problem was.
Read all jokes from:Kids (+2427), Little Johnny (+648)
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.” “Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. “My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,” he said. “Excellent, Michael!” Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. “Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, ‘Beautiful, fucking beautiful!’”
Read all jokes from:Kids (+2427)
After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at the Air Base with my eight siblings and me – all under age 11.
Read all jokes from:Kids (+2427)
Motherhood – If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere and to let the air out of the tires. The joy of motherhood: the time when all the children are finally in bed. A child outgrows your lap, but never outgrows your heart. Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm. An alarm clock is a device for awakening people who don’t have small children.
Read all jokes from:Kids (+2427)
You know you’re really a mom when… 1. You count the sprinkles on each kid’s cupcake to make sure they’re equal. 2. You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child’s favorite toy and made him/her cry. 3. You have time to shave only one leg at a time. 4. You hide in the bathroom to be alone. 5. Your child throws up and you catch it. 6. Someone else’s kid throws up at a party and you keep eating. 7. You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance. 8. You mastered the art of placing food on a plate without anything touching. 9. Your child insists that you read “Once Upon a Potty” out loud in the lobby of the doctor’s office, and you do it. 10. You hire a sitter because you haven’t been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night talking about and checking on the kids. 11. You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it’s the only one your child eats. 12. You can’t bear the thought of your son’s first girlfriend. 13. You hate the thought of his wife even more. 14. You find yourself cutting your husband’s sandwiches into unusual shapes. 15. You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi’s mother. 16. You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his first month at school, then obsess when he skips in without looking back the second month. 17. You can’t bear to give away baby clothes – it’s so final. 18. You hear your mother’s voice coming out of your mouth when you say, “Not in your good clothes.” 19. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you. 20. You read that the average 5-year-old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is “above average.” 21. You say at least once a day, “I’m not cut out for this job,” but you know you wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Read all jokes from:Kids (+2427)
More examples of creativity provided by a 6th grade class during history tests: 1. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. 2. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. 3. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, “a horse divided against itself can not stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. 4. Abraham Lincoln was America’s greatest precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in the moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a suposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career. 5. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. 6. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.
Read all jokes from:Little Johnny (+648)
A salesman rang the door bell and little Johnny answered. The salesman asked if his father was at home. Johnny said, “Yes.” The salesman said, “Well, can I see him please?” Johnny snickered and said, “No, he is in the shower.” Then the salesman asked if his mother was at home. Johnny said, “Yes.” The salesman said,” Well, can I see her?” Johnny snickered again and said, “No, she’s in the shower too.” The salesman then asked, “Do you think they will be out soon?” Johnny laughed this time and said “No.” The salesman asked why. “Well,” Johnny said, “When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him some super glue!”
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