Read all jokes from: Kids (+2427)
1. Always avoid alliteration.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague–they’re old hat.
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.
8. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
9. Contractions aren’t necessary.
10. Do not use a foreign word when there is an adequate English quid pro quo.
11. One should never generalize.
12. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
13. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
14. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
15. Profanity sucks.
16. Be more or less specific.
17. Understatement is always best.
18. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
19. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
20. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
21. A writer must not shift your point of view.
22. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!
23. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
24. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
25. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
26. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
27. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
28. Always pick on the correct idiom.
29. The adverb always follows the verb.
30. And always be sure to finish what
12 views |
|
|
 Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+648)
Little Johnny was going to a public school and he was doing very badly in maths. So his mother decided to put him into a Catholic school. When she got his report card at the end of the term, his marks in maths had improved tremendously.
So she asked him why. He replied “When I saw that naked guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business”!!
16 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+648)
Little Johnny’s mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said, “Johnny. This is where you come from.”
Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his friends now refer to him as “Lucky Johnny.”
“Why?” one asked.
Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, “Because I came this close to being a turd.”
10 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Kids (+2427)
* The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning – cold.
* The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.
* New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.
* Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t cafeteria food.
* Paul’s letter to the Romans becomes Paul’s e-mail to abuse@romans.gov.
* Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
* The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
* Out go the mules, in come the mountain bikes.
* Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn’t want to ask directions and look like Freshmen.
* Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
10 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+648)
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, “Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?”
Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!”
15 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+648)
Little Johnny was going to a public school and he was doing very badly in maths. So his mother decided to put him into a Catholic school. When she got his report card at the end of the term, his marks in maths had improved tremendously.
So she asked him why. He replied “When I saw that naked guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business”!
30 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Kids (+2427)
Joey was taking Calculus at UCLA. He struggled with it, and worried about failing. Final exam time came, and he studied and studied, but, still he was not ready.
The Professor passed out the exams and told the class that they had only 30 minutes. Every five minutes, he reminded the class how much time was left. This only made Joey more and more nervous.
Finally, after 30 minutes, the Professor said, “Stop! The exam is over. Turn them in!”
One by one, the papers were handed in. But, Joey just kept working on that exam. The Professor decided to wait it out and see how long it would take him.
After another 20 minutes, Joey turned in his exam. The Professor asked him, “What are you doing?”
Joey answered, “Turning in my exam.”
The professor then told Joey, “The exam was over 20 minutes ago. You have failed!”
Joey then looked the Professor in the eye, and asked, “Do you know who I am?”
The professor answered, “No.”
Then Joey asked, “You really don’t know who I am, do you?” as if he were a very important person.
The Professor again, said, “No, I don’t know who you are and I don’t care!”
Then Joey shoved his exam right in the middle of the other exams, that were on the Professor’s desk, and said, “Good!”
12 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Kids (+2427)
Little Johnny is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: “Da-ad . . . ” “What?” “I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?” “No. You had your chance. Lights out.”
Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad . . . ” “WHAT?” “I’m THIRSTY…Can I have a drink of water??” “I told you NO! If you ask again I’ll have to spank you!!”
Five minutes later: “Daaaa-aaaad . . . ” “WHAT??!!” “When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?”
11 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+648)
It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do and all the kids are
restless. The teacher says, “Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today.”
Little Johnny says to himself, “Good, I want to get outta here I’m smart and will answer the question”.
The teacher asked, “Who said Four Score and Seven Years Ago? Before Johnny could open his mouth, Joya said, “Abraham
Lincoln”. The teacher said, “That’s right Joya. You can go”.
Johnny was MAD.
The teacher asked, “Who said, I Have a Dream?” Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, “Martin Luther King”. “That’s
right Mary. You can go”.
Johnny was even MADDER than before.
The teacher asked, “Who said Ask not, what your country can do for you?” Before Johnny could open his mouth, Marol said, “John
Kennedy”. “That’s right Marol. You can go”.
Johnny was BOILING MAD.
Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, “I wish these women would keep their mouths shut”.
The teacher asked, “WHO SAID THAT?”
Johnny said, “BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW?”
11 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Kids (+2427), Religious (+827)
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher asked, ” What if Jonah went to hell?”
The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”
14 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
|
