Read all jokes from: Kids (+2426), Little Johnny (+647)
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call upon little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.
Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.
Well the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was. “It’s a period,” reported Johnny.
“Well I can see that,” she said, “but what is so exciting about a period.”
“Damned if I know,” said Johnny, “but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself.”
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+647)
A teacher on playground duty noticed a scruffy little boy sitting in the dirt and intently working on something. As she approached, she saw that he was using a twig to stir something in an old soup can.
“What have you got in the can, Johnny?” she asked brightly.
He looked up at her with evil little eyes and said, “Got me some chicken shit n’ water.”
After she had recovered from her shock, she stammered, “What in the world are you doing?”
“Makin’ me a teacher!”
“Oooh!” she howled. “The principal shall hear of this!” and she stamped off to find him.
When she returned with the principal in tow, the boy was still hard at work, stirring away, frowning in concentration.
“All right, Johnny! Now, you tell me, what have you got in that can there?” said the principal.
“I got me some chicken shit an’ water,” said Johnny, grinning crookedly at the man and continuing to stir.
The principal recoiled in horror. “What do you think you’re doing?” he bellowed.
“I’ze makin’ me a principal,” Johnny replied, leering up at him.
“Well, my young friend, we’ll just see about that,” the principal said and stormed off to find a cop.
When at last he returned with a policeman, Johnny was still industriously working on his project.
“All right, me lad, what’ve ye got in the can?” the cop asked.
Johnny replied, “Got me some chicken shit n’ water!”
The cop frowned and said, “Ah, and I suppose you’ll be tellin’ me you’re makin’ a cop, now won’t ye?”
Johnny frowned down into the can, critically examining its contents. “Nope. Ain’t got enough chickenshit.”
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+647), Sex (+4815)
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it.
He says, “Hey Dad! What are you doin?”
His father says, “I’m filling your mother’s tank.”
Johnny says, “Oh, yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage. The milkman filled her this morning.”
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+647)
The teacher said, “Every Friday I will ask a question to the class. Whoever can answer my question can have Monday off from school.”
When Friday approached, the teacher asked, “How many grains of sand are there in this world?”
No one could answer her. Then they all anxiously waited till the next Friday. When Friday was finally here the teacher asked, “How many stars are there in the sky?”
Again no kid could answer.
Confused little Johnny went to thinking. As the next Friday approached he thought of something. He took to of his ping-pong ball and painted them black. Then he took them to school on Friday.
When the class was packing up to go home, the teacher started to say something, immediately he let go of his balls and since his class got so distracted by little things they started to laugh.
The teacher frowned and asked, “OK, whose the comedian with the black balls?”
Little Johnny wasting no time, replied, “That would be Bill Cosby. See ya on Tuesday!!”
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+647)
The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, “Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?”
“I’m in love,” the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, “With whom?”
“With YOU!” he said.
“But Johnny,” she said gently, “don’t you see how silly that is? It’s true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don’t want a child.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” the boy said reassuringly, “I’ll use a rubber!”
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+647), School (+377)
Little Johnny’s teacher asked him, “Johnny, give me a sentence using the words, “bitter end” in it.
Little Johnny thought for a moment and replies, “Our dog chased our cat and he bitter end.”
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+647)
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
“Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. “Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms.”
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+647), School (+377)
Teacher: Little Johnny, go to the map and find North America.
Little Johnny: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Class: Little Johnny!
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+647), Religious (+827), School (+377)
One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class “What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?”
Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary.
“I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of love are.”
“Very interesting.” replied the teacher. Seeing no one else had their hand raised but Johnny, she finally called on him.
“I think your feet go up first.”
Confused but relieved the teacher said, “Why is that?”
Johnny replied, “Once when I walked in my parents room I saw my dad on my mom, and she had her feet in the air saying “Oh God!”
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Read all jokes from: Little Johnny (+647)
Little Johnny was late for school. When he finally got there his teacher asked, “Why are you late little Johnny?”
Johnny replied, “My grandpa got burnt, Miss.”
The teacher replied, “I hope it wasn’t too bad.”
Then little Johnny said, “Don’t worry, the crematorium doesn’t fuck around!”
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