Read all jokes from: Valentine's Day (+249)
Roses are groovy
Violets are funky
I’m thinking of you
And spanking my monkey!
Roses are crap
Violets are shit
Sit on my face
And wiggle a bit!
Roses are red
It’s elementary
Let’s ring up a friend
and try double entry!
Roses are red
Violets are finer
Chickens are fowl
So’s your Vaginer!
Roses are straight
Violets are twisted
Bend over love
You’re about to get fisted.
Roses are crap
Violets are wanky
Oooh I’ve just come
Pass me a hanky.
Roses are stupid
Violets are silly
Grease up your flaps
‘Cause here comes my willy!
Roses are awful
Violets are the pits
Lift up your top
And show us your tits.
Roses make me laugh
Violets make me bitter
You’re a dirty bitch
And you love it up the shitter.
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Read all jokes from: Valentine's Day (+249)
Roses are red and Violets are blue,
I didn’t buy you anything
’cause to be honest,
I really don’t like you.
You used to give me,
candy and sweets,
you used to dress sexy,
as a special treat.
Now all I get is a complaint
or some gripe.
I liked you much better
before you were my wife.
I once cared about who you were
and about what you thought
but now I know better
and I’ll just screw your sister until I get caught.
You say I don’t love you, I don’t care anymore.
Well guess what? You are right….
now get outta my bed bitch,
you can sleep on the floor.
So here it is, your present this day.
It may not be special, it may not be sweet,
but it’s all you’re getting..
for your mother I must meet.
She e-mailed me this morn’,
with something on her mind.
Then said for a dollar,
her G-spot I could find.
I hope you don’t think,
I did this to be mean.
I just wanted to show you
how little you mean.
So happy V-day and all of that crap.
Have a nice life
and get to the doctor before anyone else
get’s your case of the clap.
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Read all jokes from: Valentine's Day (+249)
Screw valentines day,
Hearts and roses and kisses galore.
What the hell is all that shit for?
People get mushy and start acting queer.
It it definitely the most annoying day of the year.
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass,
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid’s ass!
I’ll spend the day so drunk I can’t speak,
And wear all black for the rest of the week.
Girls act all sweet, but it will soon fade,
For all they are doing is trying to get laid!
The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit,
Because I think love is a crock of shit.
So here’s my story. . . what else can I say?
Love Bites my ass. . .
Screw Valentine’s Day!
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Read all jokes from: Valentine's Day (+249)
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”
“But why?” asks the man.
“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.
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Read all jokes from: Valentine's Day (+249)
Cabbage always has a heart;
Green beans string along.
You’re such a Tomato,
Will you Peas to me belong?
You’ve been the Apple of my eye,
You know how much I care;
So Lettuce get together,
We’d make a perfect Pear.
Now, something’s sure to Turnip,
To prove you can’t be Beet;
So, if you Carrot all for me
Let’s let our tulips meet.
Don’t Squash my hopes and dreams now,
Bee my Honey, dear;
Or tears will fill Potato’s eyes,
While Sweet Corn lends an ear.
I’ll Cauliflower shop and say
Your dreams are Parsley mine.
I’ll work and share my Celery,
So be my valentine.
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Read all jokes from: Valentine's Day (+249)
1. I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
2. People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell.
3. I used to come here all the time with my ex.
4. I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn’t hurt to consider it.
5. Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
6. I like clay. It’s mushy.
7. I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.
8. And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.
9. I know you said you don’t eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.
10. It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.
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Read all jokes from: Q & A (+15915), Valentine's Day (+249)
Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
A: Hog and kisses!
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Read all jokes from: Q & A (+15915), Valentine's Day (+249)
Q: What would you get it you crossed Odie with the God of love?
A: A stupid cupid!
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Read all jokes from: Q & A (+15915), Valentine's Day (+249)
Q: Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
A: It was Valenswine’s Day!
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Read all jokes from: Q & A (+15915), Valentine's Day (+249)
Q: Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?
A: Sure, they’re very scent-imental!
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