Q: How do you get milk from a polar bear?
A: Rob its fridge and run like mad!
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Read all jokes from:Holidays (+1424)
Q: How do you get milk from a polar bear?
Read all jokes from:Holidays (+1424)
* To be able to eat a whole candy bar (alone) and drink a soda without any “floaties” (ie, backwash). * To have her 14 year-old daughter answer a question without rolling her eyes in that “Why is this person my mother?” way. * Five pounds of chocolate that won’t add twenty pounds to her figure. * A shower without a child peeking through the curtain with a “Hi Ya Mom!” just as she puts a razor to her ankle. * A full time cleaning person who looks like Brad Pitt. * For her teenager to announce, “Hey, Mom! I got a full scholarship and a job all in the same day!” * A grocery store that doesn’t have candy/gum/cheap toys displayed at the checkout line. * To have a family meal without a discussion about bodily secretions. * To be able to step on a plane with their toddlers and NOT have someone moan, “Oh no! Why me?!?” * To occasionally get to sleep late on the weekend. I mean is this too much to ask? * To actually carry on a normal phone conversation with her toddler in the SAME room. * To actually be able to finish a HOT cup of coffee while her kids are present. An impossible feat! * To take a hot bath without her toddler suddenly screaming, “Mommy, I have to go potty!” as soon as she hits the water.
Read all jokes from:Halloween (+1180), Q & A (+15915)
Q: Where do most goblins live?
Read all jokes from:Halloween (+1180), Q & A (+15915)
Q: What song does Dracula hate? A: “You Are My Sunshine” and “Sunshine on my Shoulders.
Read all jokes from:Holidays (+1424)
Dad: “Most people don’t have to work today, because it’s Labor Day.”
Read all jokes from:Holidays (+1424)
Schizophrenia – Do You Hear What I Hear? Multiple Personality – We Three Queens Disoriented Are. Dementia – I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas. Narcissitic – Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me) Mania – Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town … or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense! Paranoia – Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me. Personality Disorder – You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I’ll tell you why. Depression – Silent anhedonia, Holy anhedonia. All is calm, All is pretty lonely. Obsessive Compulsive – Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell… Borderline Personality – Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire. Passive Aggressive – On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).
Read all jokes from:Independence Day (+15)
Teacher: “Jenny, what do you know that has stars and stripes?”
Read all jokes from:Christmas (+1021)
(To the tune of Winter Wonderland) Sea gulls sing, are you listen’nin? Stored away are the snow skis, In the yard we can trim a palm tree, Later on we’ll conspire,
Read all jokes from:Holidays (+1424)
Q: What did the bat say to the witch’s hat?
Read all jokes from:Christmas (+1021)
I was so poor, that if I didn’t wake up with a boner on Christmas morning, I’d have had nothing to play with.
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