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Blonde (+4660),
Farm (+52)
A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisian
A. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull.
“It’s the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it.” She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, “I’d like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: ‘Have found the bull for our ranch, bring the trailer’.” The man behind the counter tells her, “Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $.75 per word.” She thinks about it for a moment and decides. “I’d like to send one word, please.” “And what word would that be?” inquires the man. “Comfortable,” replies the brunette.
The man asks, “I’m sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?” The brunette replies, “My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL.”
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Farm (+52),
Little Johnny (+648)
The Grade 1 concert is fast approaching and Johhny has still not decidied what he will do. Little Mary is going to do a piano solo, Timmy will recite a poem, but Johnny can’t come up with anything. Finally, his frustrated teacher is releived when he tells her he has worked out his act.
Come the night of the concert, all the proud parents fill the hall and watch as Mary, in her perettiest dress, tinkles the ivories to rapturous applause…
Then Timmy steps out in his best suit and recites his poems to the delight of the audience.
Finally, out comes Johhny, in check shirt, and denim overalls. He steps up to the microphone and says…
“Ladies and Gentlemen.
My uncle owns a farm and every holiday I visit him there. Tonight, I would like to share with you my impression of some of the many sounds I hear on my unlce’s farm. Here is the first… ‘JOHHNY! GET OFF THAT FUCKING TRACTOR!’”
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Read all jokes from:
Farm (+52)
A farmer gets sent to jail, and his wife is trying to hold the farm together until her husband can get out.
She’s not, however, very good at farm work, so she writes a letter to him in jail: “Dear Sweetheart, I want to plant the potatoes. When is the best time to do it?”
The farmer writes back: “Honey, don’t go near that field. That’s where all my guns are buried.”
But, because he is in jail all of the farmer’s mail is censored. So when the sheriff and his deputies read this, they all run out to the farm and dig up the entire potato field looking for guns. After two full days of digging, they don’t find one single weapon.
The farmer then writes to his wife: “Honey, now is when you should plant the potatoes.”
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Read all jokes from:
Farm (+52)
- Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
- You convince your wife that an overnight, out-of-state trip for equipment parts is a vacation.
- You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
- You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
- You’ve never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
- You have used baling wire to attach a license plate.
- You have used a chain saw to remodel your house.
- You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife’s birthday.
- You have fibbed to a mechanic about how often you greased a piece of equipment.
- You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
- You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
- You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
- You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
- You have used a tractor front-end loader as scaffolding for roof repairs.
- You’ve used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.
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Read all jokes from:
Farm (+52)
A farmer gets sent to jail, and his wife is trying to hold the farm together until her husband can get out.
She’s not, however, very good at farm work, so she writes a letter to him in jail: “Dear Sweetheart, I want to plant the potatoes. When is the best time to do it?”
The farmer writes back: “Honey, don’t go near that field. That’s where all my guns are buried.”
But, because he is in jail all of the farmer’s mail is censored. So when the sheriff and his deputies read this, they all run out to the farm and dig up the entire potato field looking for guns. After two full days of digging, they don’t find one single weapon.
The farmer then writes to his wife: “Honey, now is when you should plant the potatoes.”
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