Read all jokes from:Blonde (+4663), Farm (+52)

Judi went to a “Dude Ranch” on vacation. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle.
Judi asked what the difference was.
“Well, one has a horn and the other doesn’t.”
“Just get the one without the horn. I don’t think we’ll run into too much traffic out here.”

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Read all jokes from:Farm (+52), Little Johnny (+647)

The Grade 1 concert is fast approaching and Johhny has still not decidied what he will do. Little Mary is going to do a piano solo, Timmy will recite a poem, but Johnny can’t come up with anything. Finally, his frustrated teacher is releived when he tells her he has worked out his act.
Come the night of the concert, all the proud parents fill the hall and watch as Mary, in her perettiest dress, tinkles the ivories to rapturous applause…
Then Timmy steps out in his best suit and recites his poems to the delight of the audience.
Finally, out comes Johhny, in check shirt, and denim overalls. He steps up to the microphone and says…
“Ladies and Gentlemen.
My uncle owns a farm and every holiday I visit him there. Tonight, I would like to share with you my impression of some of the many sounds I hear on my unlce’s farm. Here is the first… ‘JOHHNY! GET OFF THAT FUCKING TRACTOR!’”

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Read all jokes from:Blonde (+4663), Farm (+52)

A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life.
While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to get his sheep across the road. She stopped her car and waved the farmer across, thinking this would be her first good deed.
After the sheep had all crossed, the blonde said to the farmer, “Your sheep are so cute. If I guess how many there are, could I have one.”
The farmer thought it impossible and told the blonde it was okay.
“637″, said the blonde.
The farmer was amazed that the blonde had guessed the exact number, but lived up to his bargain.
“I’ll take that feisty one over there”, said the blonde.
Then the farmer said to the blonde, “Okay, now if I guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?

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Read all jokes from:Blonde (+4663), Farm (+52), Redneck (+1459), Sex (+4815)

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, “Oh, it’s Sunday night and my car broke down! I don’t know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?
“Well,” drawls the farmer, “you can stay here, but I don’t want you messin’ with my sons Jed and Luke.”
She looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties.
“Okay”, she says.
After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to get a little horny just thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, “Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?”
They say, “Huh?”
She says, “The only thing is, I don’t want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers.” She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.
Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth.
Jed says, “Luke?”
Luke says, “Yeah, Jed?”
Jed says, “You remember that blond woman that came by here about forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?”
“Yeah,” says Luke, “I remember.”
“Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?” asks Jed.
“Nope,” says Luke, “I reckon not”.
“Me, neither,” says Jed, “Let’s take these things off.”

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Read all jokes from:Farm (+52)

Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him.

“Say, Chris, how ya doing? How’s the tractor selling business these days?”

If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye.

“John,” he said, shaking his head, “I don’t know what it is. I can’t sell a tractor these days to save my life. I’ll tell you, I just gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I’ll lose that dealership for good.”

“Well,” John said, taking the barstool next to him, “If you think you got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this…”

“I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol’ cow gets more ornery as the years go by. Anyway, no sooner did I sit down on the milking stool and get to work, but ol’ Bes starts a slappin’ me with her tail. After a minute or so, I got fed up with it, so I threw a rope up over the rafters, and tied ol’ Bessy’s tail to the rafters. Then I got back to work. I didn’t even get two squirts into the bucket, when Bes gives me a kick. Knocked me clean off the stool! Boy, did that upset me! So I get me another rope an’ tie Bessy’s right hind leg to the side of the milking stall, and get a started trying to milk her again. Well by this time, Bessy’s about livid, and she doesn’t want any part of it, so she let’s me have it with her other hind leg. I wasn’t about to give in to this ol’ cow, so I got me yet another piece of rope and tied up Bessy’s left leg to the other side of the stall.”

Just then John paused to take a sip his beer. Chris, distracted for a Moment from his own troubles, asked John, “Well, did you finally get to milk her?”

“Well, yes and no, Chris. But I’ll tell ya what… If you can convince my wife that I was out there to MILK that cow, I’ll BUY a tractor from ya..!”

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Read all jokes from:Farm (+52)

A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.

“$10 for 3 minutes,” replied the pilot.

“That’s too much,” said the farmer.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, “I’ll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you’ll have to pay $10.”

The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, “I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man.”

“Maybe so,” said the farmer, “But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out.”

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Read all jokes from:Animals (+5199), Farm (+52)

This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend “I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse, I’m sending him over.”
The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse.
“A female horth,” the midget replies.
So the owner shows him one.
“Nith looking horth, can I see thea her mouth?”
So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse’s mouth.
“Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?”
So the owner picks up the midget and shows the eyes.
“Ok, what about the earsth?”
Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows the ears.
“OK, finally, I d like to see her twat,” said the midget.
With that, the owner picked up the midget and shoved his head up the horse’s twat, then pulled him out.
Shaking his head, the midget says, “perhapth I should rephrase. I’d like to see her run!”

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Read all jokes from:Farm (+52)

Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him.

“Say, Chris, how ya doing? How’s the tractor selling business these days?”

If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye.

“John,” he said, shaking his head, “I don’t know what it is. I can’t sell a tractor these days to save my life. I’ll tell you, I just gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I’ll lose that dealership for good.”

“Well,” John said, taking the barstool next to him, “If you think you got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this…”

“I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol’ cow gets more ornery as the years go by. Anyway, no sooner did I sit down on the milking stool and get to work, but ol’ Bes starts a slappin’ me with her tail. After a minute or so, I got fed up with it, so I threw a rope up over the rafters, and tied ol’ Bessy’s tail to the rafters. Then I got back to work. I didn’t even get two squirts into the bucket, when Bes gives me a kick. Knocked me clean off the stool! Boy, did that upset me! So I get me another rope an’ tie Bessy’s right hind leg to the side of the milking stall, and get a started trying to milk her again. Well by this time, Bessy’s about livid, and she doesn’t want any part of it, so she let’s me have it with her other hind leg. I wasn’t about to give in to this ol’ cow, so I got me yet another piece of rope and tied up Bessy’s left leg to the other side of the stall.”

Just then John paused to take a sip his beer. Chris, distracted for a Moment from his own troubles, asked John, “Well, did you finally get to milk her?”

“Well, yes and no, Chris. But I’ll tell ya what… If you can convince my wife that I was out there to MILK that cow, I’ll BUY a tractor from ya..!”

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Read all jokes from:Cowboys (+3), Horse (+16), HR (+462)

I went for a job interview as a Blacksmith yesterday, he said ‘Have you ever shoe’d a horse?’

I said ‘No, but I’ve told a donkey to fuck off …’

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Read all jokes from:Blonde (+4663), Farm (+52)

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisian
A. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull.
“It’s the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it.” She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, “I’d like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: ‘Have found the bull for our ranch, bring the trailer’.” The man behind the counter tells her, “Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $.75 per word.” She thinks about it for a moment and decides. “I’d like to send one word, please.” “And what word would that be?” inquires the man. “Comfortable,” replies the brunette.
The man asks, “I’m sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?” The brunette replies, “My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL.”

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