Two Jews walk past a church and see a big sign saying “Convert to Christianity and we’ll pay you
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Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6996)
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Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6996)
This old gentleman’s dear old dog passed away. He was so attached to that dog that he went to his
Rabbi and asked if the Rabbi would say kadish for the dog.
The Rabbi said, “No, we only say kadish for humans, not animals.
However there is a new congregation two blocks down the street from here.
You can go there and ask if they will bless your dog.
The man thanked the Rabbi and said, “Do you suppose they would also accept my donation of $75,000?”
The Rabbi said, “Hold it – come back. You didn’t tell me the dog was Jewish.”
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Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6996)
Yetta and Sarah, both well known braggers, meet one Sunday at Brent Cross shopping centre. “I held a fantastic dinner party last night,” says Yetta, “my guests had so much good food and wine available to them that when they left to walk over to their cars, they were all doubled-over.”
Without missing a beat, Sarah replies, “From your house they could walk?”
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Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6996)
Perfect? The story of Moshe and Hette Cohen – Mr & Mrs perfect
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding at the London Hilton. Their life together in Golders Green was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Lexus) along a winding road in Hendon, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. To their surprise, there stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Although Jewish, they did not want to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, no matter what their religion. So the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their car and soon they were driving along delivering toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had a bad accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
The mind-numbing question is: Who was the survivor?
Scroll down for the answer…
The perfect woman survived. She’s the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
Women: stop reading here. This is the end of the joke.
Men: keep on scrolling…
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident.
By the way, if you’re a woman and you’re reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen.
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Read all jokes from:Italian (+654)
How to Impress an Italian Lady:
Wine her,
dine her,
hug her,
support her,
compliment her,
suprise her,
smile at her,
hold her,
romance her,
laugh with her,
shop with her,
cuddle her,
go to the end of the earth for her…
How to Impress an Italian Man:
Show up naked,
Bring Beer.
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Read all jokes from:Ethnic (+692)
An italian man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud: “Lord, grant me one wish.”
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said: “Because you have had the faith to ask, I will grant you one wish.”
The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to.”
The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me.”
The Italian man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say “nothing” and how I can make a woman truly happy?”
After a few minutes God said: “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”
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Read all jokes from:Irish (+51), Travel (+295)
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, having left the pub a wee bit late
one night, found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.
“Come have a look over here,” says Paddy, “it’s Michael O’Grady’s grave,
God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87. Good blood,
those O’Gradys!”
“That’s nothing,” says Sean. “Here’s one named Patrick O’Toole, it says here that
he was 95 when he died. Aye, those O’Tooles are a hardy bunch, they are!”
Just then, Shamus yells out, “Forget him, here’s a fella that lived to
be 145 years old!”
“What was his name?” ask Paddy & Sean.
Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else
is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, “Miles…”
“Miles who?” ask Paddy & Sean
“To Dublin!”
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Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6996)
Reuven colden’[t stop eating as much has he would eat he would never get full, One day he desided it’s getting ot of hand so he came to the rabbi and compblaint, The rabbi responded check your mezuzah’s, He came back and claimed there wasn’t any mistake so the rabbi told him to check your tefilin. Reuven comkes back to the rabbi and reports that on the posuk that says V’ochalto V’sovota it said V’ochalto V’ochalta!
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Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6996)
Many years ago, a Jewish town had a shortage of single men of marriageable age and they used to bring them in from nearby towns. One day, when a suitable man arrived by train, not one but two mother-in-laws-to-be were waiting for him and each claimed him for themselves. So the Rabbi was called to sort it out.
After he heard the facts, he said to the two women, “If you still both want him, then we’ll have to cut him in half and each one of you can then have half of him.”
One kept quiet while the other said, “In that case, give him to the other woman.”
When the Rabbi heard this, he immediately said, “OK, I agree. The other woman can have him. Anyone willing to cut him in half is obviously the real mother-in-law!”
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Read all jokes from:Alaska (+171)
Q: What kind of money do Alaskans use?
A: Real money or your Visa Card.
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