Q: Why would the average Jewish woman rather be pretty than smart?
A: Because the average Jewish man can see better than he can think.
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Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6996)
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Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6996)
Q: Who was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A: Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.
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Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6996)
A Rabbi was walking home from the Temple and saw one of his good friends, a pious and learned man who could usually beat the rabbi in religious arguments.
The rabbi started walking faster so that he could catch up to his friend, when he was horrified to see his friend go into a Chinese restaurant (not a kosher one).
Standing at the door, he observed his friend talking to a waiter and gesturing at a menu. A short time later, the waiter reappeared
carrying a platter full of spare ribs, shrimp in lobster sauce, crab rangoon and other treif that the Rabbi could not bear to think about.
As his friend picked up the chopsticks and began to eat this food, the Rabbi burst into the restaurant and reproached his friend, for he could take it no longer.
“Morris, what is this you are doing? I saw you come into this restaurant, order this filth and now you are eating it in violation of everything we are taught about the dietary laws and with an apparent enjoyment that does not befit your pious reputation!”
Morris replied, “Rabbi, did you see me enter this restaurant?”
(Rabbi nods yes)
“Did you see me order this meal?”
(again he nods yes)
“Did you see the waiter bring me this food?”
(again he nods yes)
“And did you see me eat it?” (nods yes)
“Then, Rabbi, I don’t see the problem here. The entire meal was done under Rabbinical supervision!”
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Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6996)
Two Yeshiva students are discussing whether it is allowed to smoke while learning Torah. But they cannot reach any agreement.
So Yankel says to Moishe, “We will go and ask the Rebbe.”
When they find the Rabbi, Yankel asks him, “Rebbe, is it permitted to smoke while learning Torah?”
The rabbi replies in a severe tone of voice: “Certainly not!”
Moishe then addresses the Rabbi, “Rebbe, let me ask you another question. May we learn Torah while we smoke?”
The Rabbi immediately replies, with a warm smile, “Yes, of course!”
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Read all jokes from:Alabama (+375)
Q. Why did they build the Mercedes plant so close to the University of Alabama?
A. Because they have an endless supply of crash test dummies right down the road.
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Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6996)
The obituary editor of the Jerusalem Post is not one to admit his mistakes easily. One day he got a phone call from an irate subscriber. The caller complained that his name had been printed in the obituary column.
“Really?” replied the editor calmly. “And where are you calling from?”
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Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6996)
Q: Who was it who asked a Princess seven times to get married?
A: Her mother
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Read all jokes from:Alaska (+171)
Q: What kind of money do Alaskans use?
A: Real money or your Visa Card.
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Read all jokes from:Japan (+18), Military (+607)
During the occupation of Japan, a young GI fell in love with a beautiful Japanese girl. After many months of courtship, they wanted to get married. The U.S. government did not like to have mixed marriages, but they continued to fight for their love rights.
One afternoon the CO called Jo into his office and gave him the good news that it was a go. Blossom’s parents would only give their blessing if the couple would have a traditional Japanese ceremony. They both agreed.
The day arrived and Blossom dressed in her wedding kimono. She made a beautiful bride.
That evening in their hotel room, Blossom began to undress. With each piece of outer clothing she would take off she would say, “Excuse Please.”
Then all her underclothes and again, “Excuse Please.”
She was down to her stockings, when she bent over to take them off and expelled some gas.
So embarrassed Blossom exclaimed, “Oh so sorry! Excuse please. Front hole so happy, back hole had to whistle!”
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Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6996)
Sarah, a middle aged Jewish woman goes in search of a famous guru. She takes a plane to India and then a boat up a river, and then hikes into the mountains with local guides. All in all it takes Sarah months of hardship to track down this guru. When she finds him, he is in the middle of some kind of ritual, which will last for days and the guru’s followers won’t let Sarah see him. Finally the guru is ready to receive visitors and calls for the woman to be admitted. Sarah stands before the famous guru. “Harvey,” she says. “It’s time to come home!”
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