Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
“Listen, God is everywhere, trust me, he is absolutely everywhere,” the wise old Sicilian priest told little Gianluca, who thought about this for a moment, before grabbing a half-opened matchbox lying on the table, quickly snapped it shut and declared triumphantly: “Got him!!!”
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
Have you ever seen an Italian nativity scene?
It has Jesus, Mary, and three wise guys.
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
Salvatore was getting old and because his cheeks had become craggy and sunken, he found it hard to shave himself properly.He decided to go to Gregorio’s barber shop and explain his problem.
Gregorio sat him in the chair,produced a specially shaped piece of wood which he placed between Salvatore’s cheek and gum.After a few minutes Gregorio had given him a perfect shave.
Salvatore was pleased and said he would come back to Gregorio’s every day for a shave.
“Just one thing,” said Salvatore, “what happens if I swallow the wooden ball when you are shaving me?”
“You bring it back the next day like everyone else does,” said Gregorio.
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
Two Italian construction workers were in the field on anextremely hot day working.. the one says to the other “heyhow come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money?” pointing to the supervisor. The other says, “I don’t know, go ask him.” So Guido goes up to the supervisor and says “Hey, how comewe do all a da work and you get all a da money?” The supervisor says “Intelligence”. Guido says “what is this intelligence?” The supervisor puts his hand on a tree and says “Hita myhand as hard as you can!” Guido winds up and with all his might tries to hit thesupervisors hand. Just as he almost does the supervisorpulls his hand away and Guido hits the tree! The supervisorsays “That’s intelligence”. Still smarting Guido goes back to his co-worker and hisco-worker says “Hey what did he say?” With a sheepish look on his face Guido puts his hand on hisface and says “hita my hand as hard as you can…”
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he’d ever have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: “Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?” The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden.
The bookkeeper signs back: “I don’t know what you are talking about. ” The attorney tells the Godfather: “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
That’s when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper’s temple, cocks it, and says: “Ask him again!” The attorney signs to the underling: “He’ll kill you for sure if you don’t tell him!”
The bookkeeper signs back: “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo’s backyard in Queens!” The Godfather asks the attorney: “Well, what’d he say?”
The attorney replies: “He says you don’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
An Italian man immigrates to America. He starts sweeping floors in a pizzeria, and after 15 years works his way up to owning a small chain of pizzerias. He decides to have his own house designed and built for him. And it is going to have everything!
One day he is talking to the contractor and said, “Makea you sure you puta plenty da halo statues inna da house. I wanna hava lotsa da halo statues. One inna every room, even da bathroom.” The contractor, realizing his client must be a very religious person, carefully plans a niche in every room, and personally searches for the perfect statue for each niche. Finally, the house is finished.
The Italian man walks through his new home for the first time.
The contractor points out all the features, and finally the Italian man said, “But wherea are alluh my halo statues? I wanna lotsa halo statues!”
And the contractor points to the niches and said, “I put a statue in every room, like you asked.”
The Italian replies, “No, no, no! I donna no wanna nonea da Saintas. I wanna da Halo Statues! You knowa da Halo Statues? Deya ring anda you picka dem up, anna you say, halo ‘stat you?”
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her mama makes spaghetti and meatballs.
Third Date: You hae sex,she wants to marry you and insists on a three carat ring.
Fifth Anniversary: You have had five kids and hate the thought of having sex.
Sixth Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?An Italian mother says, “If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill you.” A Jewish mother says, “If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill myself.”
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
Why did the Italian staple his nuts together?
“If you can’t lick ‘em, join ‘em”
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
How do you stop an Italian from smelling?
Cover his nose.
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