Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult because the ground was hard. On top of that, his only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The man sent a letter to his son describing his predicament.
“Dear Vincent: I’m feeling pretty badly because I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m getting too old to dig up a garden plot all by myself. I know if you were here, my troubles would be over because you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad”
A few days later, he received a letter from his son: “Dear Dad, Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie”
At 4:00 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and the local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized profusely to the old man and left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son:
“Dear Dad, go ahead and plant your tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Vinnie.”
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
What is the difference between an Italian prostitue and her mother?
About 15 Euros.
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
A wealthy American man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during a rendezvous, she confided to him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he told her he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed there, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby is born. To keep it discreet, he told her to mail him a postcard, and write “Spaghetti” on the back. He would then arrange for child support.
One day, about nine months later, he came home to his confused wife.
“Honey,” she said, “you received a very strange postcard today.”
“Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,” he said.
The wife did as she was asked, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted. On the card was written “Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.”
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
The Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full parade dress, proudly ready for inspection by the general. That worthy warrior strolled back and forth before the troops, and sniffed and stopped abruptly. “Colonel!” he spat out. “Yes, general!” the colonel quavered. “Your troops, your troops,” stormed the general. “They look very nice, they stand very nice, but they stink, man, they stink! Can’t you get them to change their underwear?” He strode away furiously. The colonel sniffed for himself. “The general, yes, he’s right. Now, Luigi change with Guiseppi, Carlo change with Giovanni…
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
Q: How was velcro invented?
A: An italian woman was taking off her sweater and it go stuck to her mustache
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
At the World Women’s Conference, the first speaker from England stood up:
“At last year’s conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb.”
The crowd cheered.
The second speaker from America stood up:
“After last year’s conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well.”
The crowd cheered.
The third speaker from Italy stood up:
“After last year’s conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye.”
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
An italian man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud: “Lord, grant me one wish.”
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said: “Because you have had the faith to ask, I will grant you one wish.”
The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to.”
The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me.”
The Italian man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say “nothing” and how I can make a woman truly happy?”
After a few minutes God said: “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
In a recent national survey wops were asked what they feared the most.
Here are their top answers.
1. hard work
2. taxes
3. honesty
4. shortage of garlic
5. women without facial hair
6. cuts to welfare
7. nose shrinkage
8. children dating non Italiens
9. white people
10. shortage of drugs
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
I met a little wop, his name was Guido, his dick was so small he could fuck a mosquito.
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+654)
Why don’t Italians have freckles?
Because they all slide off!
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