Read all jokes from: Italian (+655)
An italian man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud: “Lord, grant me one wish.”
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said: “Because you have had the faith to ask, I will grant you one wish.”
The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to.”
The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me.”
The Italian man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say “nothing” and how I can make a woman truly happy?”
After a few minutes God said: “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+655)
(must be read with an Italian accent)
About halfway through the reception, the brides mother went to her daughter and said, “Go upstairs and ah make ah your husband ah happy, eh?”
The bride did as she was told, and upon finding her new husband, she took him upstairs above the celebrating crowd’s watchful eye. He knew what was to take place, wasting no time, he took his tuxedo jacket, dress shirt and t-shirt off. She noticed that he had a hairy chest!
Aghast, she quickly ran downstairs, found her mother and told her “Momma, he’s got ah hairy chest!”
Her mother, in hopes to calm her down, said “Go upstairs and ah make ah your husband ah happy, eh?”
She went back upstairs. He then took off his pants and she noticed that his legs were hairy too! She was quite old fashioned and didn’t know what to think, so she ran downstairs yet again to find her mother. She found her, pulled her aside and said, “Momma, Momma Mia – he’s got ah hairy legs too, what am I ah going to do, eh?”
Her mother trying to soothe her again, said “Now go upstairs child and make ah your husband ah happy, eh? Now go upstairs child!”
She went back to the room, when she entered, he took his shoes off, then his socks. When she looked down, she noticed that one of his feet was half gone!
She ran downstairs, frightened and found Momma once again – “Momma, he’s got ah foot and ah half!”
But this time, the mother thought and said “Child, you stay downstairs and ah let your Momma go upstairs and ah make ah your husband ah happy!”
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+655)
How many Italians does it take to grease a car?
Just one if you hit him right!
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+655)
Did you hear about the man who was half Jewish & half Italian?He made himself an offer he couldn’t understand.
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+655)
A girl sat sobbing in the police station. “I was raped by an Italian.” She screamed.
“How do you know it was an Italian?” the detective asked.
“I had to help him” the girl replied.
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+655)
Why don’t Italians have freckles?
Because they all slide off!
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+655)
Q. How do Italian girls shave their legs?
A. They lie down outside and have someone mow them.
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+655)
Three Italian mothers were attending a football game. Each had a son playing on the same team. At the start of the game, the first boy saw his opportunity, grabbed the ball and running quickly, out-foxed the opposing team, making the first touchdown. His mother, obviously proud of her son, sprang from the bleachers, shouting in her broken Italian accent, “Thatsa *my* boy! I raised him onna da Pet milk. Ain’t he-a Peach?”
Soon, the second boy received the ball and in a spectacular run down the field, made another goal for the team. Not wanting to be outdone by the first boy’s mother, the second boy’s mother jumped from her seat, exclaiming, “Thatsa *my* boy!! I raised him onna da breast milk. Ain’t he-a wonderful?”
The third boy, hadn’t done so well, but finely someone threw him the ball. He fumbled it, then recovered… running in the wrong direction, fell with the ball, ran some more, stumbled again, dropped it once more, recovered it and finally crossed the goal line on the wrong end of the field. The third Italian mother couldn’t stand it any longer. Rising from her place in the stands, she shouted, “Thatsa *my* boy! I raised him onna Milk of Magnesia. Ain’t he-a the shits?”
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Read all jokes from: Italian (+655)
How to Impress an Italian Lady:
Wine her,
dine her,
hug her,
support her,
compliment her,
suprise her,
smile at her,
hold her,
romance her,
laugh with her,
shop with her,
cuddle her,
go to the end of the earth for her…
How to Impress an Italian Man:
Show up naked,
Bring Beer.
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When is the only time you can spit on an italian womans face?
When her MUSTACHE is on fire…
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