Read all jokes from: Arkansas (+102)
Arkansas man had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, “I have a flat tarr.”
The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers! ?”
The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it either.”
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Read all jokes from: Arizona (+117)
A farmer in Northern Arizona plowed his fields using only one hourse. Yet as he plowed, he yelled to the horse, “Giddyup, Jack!” “Giddyup, Mick!” “Giddyup, Casey!”
A stranger passing by stopped the farmer. “I couldn’t help overhearing you shout to your horse,” he said, “and I’m curious. How many names does your horse have?”
The farmer laughed good-naturedly and replied, “Oh, his name is Jack.”
Then the farmer’s voice dropped to a conspirational whisper. “But he doesn’t know his own strength. So I put blinders on him and yell all those other names. This way he thinks he has other horses helping him.
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Read all jokes from: Alaska (+171)
Q: Do Alaskans Tan?
A: No we just thaw.
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Read all jokes from: Louisiana (+12)
A young man was pulled over by the Louisiana State Police for speeding. The officer stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man’s window. “What chew driving so fast for son? You going to a fahr?. Let me see your license, boy.”
The young man handed over his license. Then the officer noticed that the back seat of his car was full of large knives.
The officer said, “Tell me boy, why you got them knives on that there back seat?”
The young man replied, “Well, sir, I’m a juggler.”
The officer spat some tobacco juice and then he said, “A juggler; well you don’t say. Boy, put cha hands on the trunk of yer car; you going to jail!”
The young man pleaded with the officer not to take him to jail. He offered to prove to the officer that he was a juggler by way of demonstration. He said, “You can even hold me at gunpoint while I juggle for you.” The officer reluctantly allowed him to prove his point while he held him at gunpoint.
Two miles down the road at Joe’s Tavern, Billy Bob was drinking it up with Homer T. Ratcliff. He soon left and got into his old, rusty pickup truck. He proceeded down the road trying his best to stay on the right side.
Suddenly Billy Bob spotted the most unbelievable sight of his life! He drove to the nearest phone booth and dialed the number for Joe’s Tavern and asked for his buddy, Homer T. Ratcliff.
When Homer got on the phone Billy Bob said, “Whatever you do when you leave that tavern, don’t go north on 442. The state police are giving a sobriety test that nobody can pass!!”
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Read all jokes from: America US (+264)
* You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
* You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
* You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
* You can make instant sun tea.
* You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
* The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
* You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
* You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
* You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
* Hot water now comes out of both taps.
* It’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
* You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
* You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
* No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
* Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”
* You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
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Read all jokes from: Alabama (+375)
Q. Why do Alabama students have TGIF on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First!
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Read all jokes from: America US (+264)
In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in themiddle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in thedelivery.To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lanternand said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.” Whoa there Scotty!” said the doctor. “Don’t be in a rush to put thelantern down…
I think there’s yet another wee one to come.” Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a bonnie lass.” No, no, don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern,lad…
It seems there’s yet another one besides!” cried the doctor.The Scot scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. “Doye think it’s the light that’s attractin’ them?”
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Read all jokes from: Alaska (+171)
Fred and his blonde wife went fishing in Alaska.
In the middle of nowhere where the place is filled with nothing but white snow.
They finally found a lake and so they cast their lines.
After an hour or two fred’s wife yelled. “honey come quick i got a bite.”
So Fred rush to his wife only to find out her line is lying flat and can’t see any movement.
So he said “your line not moving hon, no one is biting.
I got a bite”, she insist.
“Where ?” ask Fred.
“My foot, i got a frost bite.”
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Read all jokes from: Arkansas (+102)
Artery: The study of fine paintings.
Benign: What you be after you be eight.
Colic: A sheep dog.
Dilate: Live long.
GI series: Baseball games between teams of soldiers.
Hangnail: A coat hook.
Minor operation: Coal digging.
Node: Was aware of.
Organic: Church musician.
Protein: In favor of young people.
Tumor: An extra pair.
Urine: Opposite of “you’re out.”
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Read all jokes from: Alaska (+171)
Fay Chester was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children and a large house. The only relief she got from her chores was the twice-a-week bridge game she shared with a dozen other women. The only flaw in the bridge club relationship was that Fay loved to tell off-color stories and the girls didn’t want to hear them. To teach Fay a lesson, the other women decided that the next time she told an off-color story, they’d just get up, walk out, meet at another home but without Fay. Sure enough, at the next meeting, Fay started, “You know, girls, there’s a rumor going around that a busload of prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big gold find up in Alaska, and they say….” Just then, the women all stood up and started for the door. Fay was disconcerted but only for a moment, then she understood what was going on and said, “Hey! Girls! Hold on, hold on! There’s plenty of time ’cause the bus doesn’t leave till morning!”
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