Q: Do Alaskans have a Town Drunk?
A: No, we all take turns.
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Read all jokes from:America US (+264)
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Read all jokes from:Alaska (+171)
* Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
* While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.
* It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
* No one may tie their pet dog to the roof of a car.
* For all you would-be pranksters out there, it is illegal to string a wire across any road.
* Persons may not live in a trailer as it is being hauled across the city.
* Clowns beware!
* It is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
* A person may only carry a concealed slingshot if that person has received the appropriate license.
* It is against the law to attempt to break any law in title 9 of the code (public peace, morals, and welfare).
* Employers of bars may not let their bartenders serve while they are drunk themselves.
* Owners of flamingos may not let their pet into barber shops.
* Buildings that preserve scenic vistas are awarded bonus points by the government.
* One may not roam the city with a bow and arrows.
* Persons may not allow attractive nuisances to exist.
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Read all jokes from:Alabama (+375)
Q. What was the last thing David Housel said to Terry Bowden?
A. Don’t let the door knob hit you in the head!
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Read all jokes from:America US (+264)
Three cheers for Dennis Miller…
When commenting on the celebrities who are parading against war, he said: “I say we create a new airline called the ACLA, the American Civil Liberties Airline, where you don’t check anybody, you don’t ask any questions, and let those morons fly on that one.”
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Read all jokes from:Alabama (+375)
Q. What’s a seven course meal at Auburn?
A. A possum and a six-pack.
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Read all jokes from:Arizona (+117)
* The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
* The trees are whistling for the dogs.
* The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
* Hot water now comes out of both taps. You can make sun tea instantly.
* You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
* The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
* You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
* You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
* You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
* You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a. m.
* Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”
* You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
* The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
* Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.
* The cows are giving evaporated milk.
* You no longer associate bridges with water.
* You can say “115 degrees” without fainting.
* You have made instant sun tea.
* You have learned that a seat belt makes a good branding iron.
* The temperature drops below 85, and you feel a bit chilled.
* You have never seen a snow shovel and don’t know anyone who owns one.
* You have learned that, in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
* You have discovered you can get sunburn through your car window.
* You notice the best parking place is determined by shade, not distance.
* It’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is on the streets.
* Hot water comes out of both taps.
* You do not own an umbrella and would not know where to go to get one.
* You are comfortable at 102 degrees.
* You have spent the entire day trying to find a store that carries snow chains for your car.
* You actually burned your hand opening the car door.
* No one you know would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
* If the local weather service records 0.02 inches they call it rain.
* You don’t know anyone who owns a raincoat.
* You have cooked a dozen eggs in the trunk of your car between the grocery store and your home.
* Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”
* You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
* Half of your neighbors are from California and the other half are from New York.
* You think snow on the ground is an abstract concept.
* You have forgotten how to drive on wet roads.
* The local cows have been known to give powdered milk.
* The trees are whistling for the dogs.
* You pray, “I wish it would rain; not so much for me, because I’ve seen it, but for my 7-year-old.”
* You can say, “but it’s dry heat” without laughing.
* The water in your pool has been too hot to swim in and you don’t even have a pool heater.
* You have cooked outside without lighting the grill.
* Your power bill in the summer is more than your mortgage payment.
* You have had to take out a loan to pay your water bill.
* You have ever golfed when it was 117 degrees.
* The song “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas” has no real meaning.
* You think it is autumn when the temperature drops to 99 degrees.
* You’ve golfed in December in a short-sleeved shirt.
* You’ve tried to work on your car in the summertime and burned your hand
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Read all jokes from:America US (+264)
An Arkansas couple, both bonified rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband “fixed”. The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision. Why after nine children would they choose to do this.
The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn’t want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.
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Read all jokes from:America US (+264)
“You know the world’s gone mad when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the USA of arrogance and the Germans don’t want to go to war!”
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Read all jokes from:Arizona (+117)
“Arizona is banking on a new slogan to lure millions of visitors and their dollars to the state.
“It’s ‘Arizona–One Grand Adventure After Another.’” “The slogan, picked from more than 20,000 entries, in a contest sponsored by the Arizona Office of Tourism, was announced Wednesday.”[it goes on, but here are some of the losers:]
Arizona–Bring your camera and your Grandma
Arizona–Come on vacation, Leave on probation
Arizona–A Yucca Minute
Arizona–You Never Have to Shovel Sunshine
Arizona–Where you can Have a Dirt Lawn and it’s OK
Arizona–Come see it, Pilgrim
Arizona has the hots for you
Arizona–The Happy Jumping Cholla State
Get your AZ over here
Hug a zonie
Arizona–The Zippy Zone
Arizona–It will Thaw Your Chilis
Arizona–Sunny with Scattered Flowers
Arizona–Better than the State You’re In
Arizona–It’s not Kansas and it Never was
The winner won a free houseboat vacation on Lake Powell, most of which is in Utah.
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Read all jokes from:Alaska (+171)
One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. “I’m lookin’ for the meanest toughest and roughest hooker in the Yukon,” he said to the bartender.
“We got her,” replied the bartender. “She’s upstairs in the second room on the right.”
The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the hooker and two beers . He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked the door open on the second door on the right and yelled, “I’m looking for the meanest roughest and toughest hooker in the Yukon.”
The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, “You found her!”
Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles. “How do you know I want that position first?” asked the miner.
“I don’t,” replied the hooker. “But I thought you might want to open those beers first.”
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