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New York (+9)
A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day.
‘What for?’ he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, ‘Twenty dollars contempt of court. That’s why!’
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. ‘That’s all right. You don’t have to pay now.’
The young man replied, ‘I’m just seeing if I have enough for two more words.’
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Ohio (+3)
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
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Q & A (+15915),
South Carolina (+6)
Q: How do you know when you’re staying in a South Carolina hotel?
A: When you call the front desk and say “I’ve gotta leak in my sink” and the person at the front desk says “go ahead”.
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Q & A (+15915),
South Carolina (+6)
Q: How do you know when you’re staying in a South Carolina hotel?
A: When you call the front desk and say “I’ve gotta leak in my sink” and the person at the front desk says “go ahead”.
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South Carolina (+6)
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
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Read all jokes from:
Q & A (+15915),
South Carolina (+6)
Q: How do you know when you’re staying in a South Carolina hotel?
A: When you call the front desk and say “I’ve gotta leak in my sink” and the person at the front desk says “go ahead”.
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Texas (+3)
Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood (one of whom was from Texas) were conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion.
The first woman, who was not from Texas, said, “When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me.”
The Texas lady commented, “Well, isn’t that nice??”
The first woman continued, “When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive.”
Again, the Texas lady commented, “Well, isn’t that nice??”
The first woman boasted “Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.”
Yet again, the Texas lady commented, “Well, isn’t that nice??”
The first woman then asked her companion, “What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?”
The Texas lady replied, “My husband sent me to charm school.”
“Charm school!” the first woman cried, “Land sakes, child, what on Earth for?”
The Texas lady responded, “So that instead of saying ‘who gives a damn’ I learned to say ‘Well, isn’t that nice?’”
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Wisconsin (+3)
Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Wisconsin is planning to do its own, entitled “Survivor-Wisconsin Style.”
The contestants will start in Milwaukee, travel up to Sheboygan and on to Manitiwoc and Green Bay. Then they will head over to Wausau and up to Rhinelander and Minoqua. From there they will proceed up to Ashland and Superior. Then back down through Rice Lake, Eau Claire and all the way down to Madison and back over to Milwaukee.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with Illinois license plates and a large bumper sticker that reads “I’m a vegetarian. Bratwurst clogs your arteries. The Green Bay Packers suck. Go Bears! Cheese is high in cholesterol. Hillary in 2004. Deer Hunting is murder and I’m here to confiscate your guns!”
The first one that makes it back to Milwaukee alive wins. Good luck to all contestants.
15 views |
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Read all jokes from:
Wisconsin (+3)
Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Wisconsin is planning to do its own, entitled “Survivor-Wisconsin Style.”
The contestants will start in Milwaukee, travel up to Sheboygan and on to Manitiwoc and Green Bay. Then they will head over to Wausau and up to Rhinelander and Minoqua. From there they will proceed up to Ashland and Superior. Then back down through Rice Lake, Eau Claire and all the way down to Madison and back over to Milwaukee.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with Illinois license plates and a large bumper sticker that reads “I’m a vegetarian. Bratwurst clogs your arteries. The Green Bay Packers suck. Go Bears! Cheese is high in cholesterol. Hillary in 2004. Deer Hunting is murder and I’m here to confiscate your guns!”
The first one that makes it back to Milwaukee alive wins. Good luck to all contestants.
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