Read all jokes from: Arizona (+117)
The Devil wanted a place on earth.
Sort of a summer home:
A place to spend his vacation
Whenever he wanted to roam.
So he picked out Arizona.
A place both wretched and rough.
Here the climate was to his liking
And the cowboys were hardened and tough.
He dried up the streams in the canyons
and ordered no rain to fall:
He dried up the lakes in the valleys,
Then baked and scorched it all.
Then over his barren desert
He transplanted shrubs from Hell.
The cactus, thistle and prickly pear –
The climate suited them well.
Now, the home was much to his liking.
But animal life, he had none:
So he created crawling creatures
That all mankind would shun.
First he made the rattlesnake.
With its forked poisonous tongue:
Taught it to strike and rattle
And how to swallow its young.
Then he made Scorpions and Lizards
And the ugly old Horned Toad.
He placed spiders of every description
Under rocks by the side of the road.
Then he ordered the sun to shine hotter.
Hotter and hotter still.
Until even the cactus wilted
And the old Horned Toad looked ill.
Then he gazed on his earthly kingdom.
As any creator would:
He chuckled a little up his sleeve
And admitted that it was good.
‘Twas summer now and Satan lay
By a prickly pear to rest.
The sweat rolled off his wearthy brow.
So he took off his coat and vest.
“By Golly,” he finally panted
“I did my job too well.
I’m going back where I came from
Arizona is hotter than Hell!”
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Read all jokes from: Arizona (+117)
It was a very tight Christmas for one family. The father told his small son that he could only have one small gift. The little boy said, “I want a Mickey Mouse hat.” That year he got the hat he wanted.
The next year was again very bad and the child was told that he could only choose one gift. The little boy said, “I want a Mickey Mouse shirt.” He got the shirt.
The third year was much better. The father told his son that Christmas that he could have whatever he wanted. The excited little boy shouted, “I want a Mickey Mouse outfit.”
So his dad bought him the Arizona Cardinals.
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Read all jokes from: Arizona (+117)
It seems that a young man in Kansas decided to write a book about churches around the country. He decided to start in New York and head west.
He enters a large cathedral in New York and notices a golden phone with a sign that reads “$10,000/minute.” Intrigued, he asked the the pastor what the deal was. The pastor explained that this phone was a direct line to heaven and you could personally speak to God. The young man moved on to the next church.
As he went through church after church moving across the country, he saw the same phone with the same sign. Finally, he entered a church in Arizona. And again, he saw the same phone, but this time it had a sign that read “Calls: $0.25/each.” The young man asked the local pastor what this phone was for.
“This is a direct line to heaven, and you can speak directly to God,” replied the pastor.
“Yes, but all of the other phones in all of the other churches were $10,000/minute. Why is this one only 25 cents for a call?” questioned the young man.
“Well you’re in Arizona now, so this is a local call.”
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Read all jokes from: Arizona (+117)
An Arizonan and a Texan were driving through Arizona one afternoon. As they drove down the highway, the Arizonan pointed out the sights.
Pointing out the car window, the Arizonan notes, “Look, over there is a cattle ranch.”
“We have cattle ranches that are at least twice that size in Texas,” claimed the Texan.
They drove on for another hour, and the Arizonan pointed out an area of cotton fields.
“In Texas, we have cotton fields that are much bigger than that,” noted the Texan.
By this time, the Arizonan was starting to get annoyed. Not wanting to be outdone, he continued driving. An hour later, they reached northwestern Arizona. The Texan looks out the window at the Grand Canyon, points, and asks, “What is that?”
Without missing a beat, the Arizonan replies, “Don’t you have irrgation ditches in Texas?”
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Read all jokes from: Arizona (+117)
Most of these laws are outdated and were relevant to the the times years ago, and simply have not been removed from the books.
State Of Arizona
- Hunting camels is prohibited.
- Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony.
- There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
- Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
- When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses.
- It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
- You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
County Of Maricopa
- No more than six girls may live in any house.
County Of Mohave
- A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.
City Of Glendale
- Cars may not be driven in reverse.
City Of Globe
- Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.
City Of Hayden
- If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.
City Of Mesa
- It is illegal to smoke cigarettes with 15 feet of a public place unless youhave a Class 12 liqueur license.
City Of Nogales
- An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.
City Of Prescott
- No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house.
City Of Tempe
- One must be 18 years old to buy spray paint.
City Of Tombstone
- It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.
City Of Tucson
- Women may not wear pants.
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Read all jokes from: Arizona (+117)
An Arizonan and a Texan were driving through Arizona one afternoon. As they drove down the highway, the Arizonan pointed out the sights.
Pointing out the car window, the Arizonan notes, “Look, over there is a cattle ranch.”
“We have cattle ranches that are at least twice that size in Texas,” claimed the Texan.
They drove on for another hour, and the Arizonan pointed out an area of cotton fields.
“In Texas, we have cotton fields that are much bigger than that,” noted the Texan.
By this time, the Arizonan was starting to get annoyed. Not wanting to be outdone, he continued driving. An hour later, they reached northwestern Arizona. The Texan looks out the window at the Grand Canyon, points, and asks, “What is that?”
Without missing a beat, the Arizonan replies, “Don’t you have irrgation ditches in Texas?”
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Read all jokes from: Arizona (+117)
The Devil wanted a place on earth.
Sort of a summer home:
A place to spend his vacation
Whenever he wanted to roam.
So he picked out Arizona.
A place both wretched and rough.
Here the climate was to his liking
And the cowboys were hardened and tough.
He dried up the streams in the canyons
and ordered no rain to fall:
He dried up the lakes in the valleys,
Then baked and scorched it all.
Then over his barren desert
He transplanted shrubs from Hell.
The cactus, thistle and prickly pear –
The climate suited them well.
Now, the home was much to his liking.
But animal life, he had none:
So he created crawling creatures
That all mankind would shun.
First he made the rattlesnake.
With its forked poisonous tongue:
Taught it to strike and rattle
And how to swallow its young.
Then he made Scorpions and Lizards
And the ugly old Horned Toad.
He placed spiders of every description
Under rocks by the side of the road.
Then he ordered the sun to shine hotter.
Hotter and hotter still.
Until even the cactus wilted
And the old Horned Toad looked ill.
Then he gazed on his earthly kingdom.
As any creator would:
He chuckled a little up his sleeve
And admitted that it was good.
‘Twas summer now and Satan lay
By a prickly pear to rest.
The sweat rolled off his wearthy brow.
So he took off his coat and vest.
“By Golly,” he finally panted
“I did my job too well.
I’m going back where I came from
Arizona is hotter than Hell!”
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Read all jokes from: Arizona (+117)
A gentleman was driving through Arizona when he saw flashing red and blue lights in his rearview mirror. He promptly pulled to the side of the road, and noticing that his seatbelt was unbuckled, he quickly buckled it.
“Hello, officer,” said the man. “I know I was in a little bit of a hurry; I apologize for that.”
“I see you’re from out of state, and you’re following our state’s seatbelt law,” stated the officer.
“Yes sir, I always do.”
“Do you always wear your seatbelt through your stearing wheel?”
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Read all jokes from: Arizona (+117)
* Hunting camels is prohibited.
* Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. This goes back in the days of the Wild West.
* There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
* Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
* When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses.
* It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
* You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
Glendale
* Cars may not be driven in reverse.
Globe
* Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.
Hayden
* If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.
Maricopa County
* No more than six girls may live in any house.
Mesa
* It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.
Mohave County
* A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.
Nogales
* An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.
Prescott
* No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house.
Tucson
* Women may not wear pants.
Tombstone
* It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.
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Read all jokes from: Arizona (+117)
…you’ve signed so many recall petitions that you can’t remember the name of the current gubernatorial incumbent.
…you notice that your car is overheating — and you haven’t started it yet.
…you can say Hohokam and no one thinks you’re making it up.
…you no longer associate rivers or bridges with water.
…you see more water flowing down the street than is in the Salt River.
…you know that a “swamp cooler” is not a happy hour drink.
…you can contemplate a high temperature of 120 degrees as “not all that bad, after all it’s a dry heat.”
…you can go from the dead of winter to summer in a 4 hour drive.
…you go to a fake beach to ride fake waves and call it surfing without cracking a smile.
…you have learned to expertly maneuver your vehicle under any traffic conditions using only two fingers; a skill usually learned initially in July.
…you know that you can make sun tea outside faster than instant tea in your microwave.
…you have to run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so that you can use your fireplace.
…you notice that your idea of the “best” parking place is determined more by shade than by distance.
…you know that Valley Fever is not a disco dance.
…the water coming from the “cold” tap is hotter than that from the “hot” tap.
…you can correctly pronounce the words: “Saguaro”, “Tempe”, “Gila Bend”, “San Xavier del Bac”, “Canyon de Chelly”, “Mogollon Rim”, “Cholla”, and “Tlaquepacque”.
…it’s noon on a weekday in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one single person is moving on the streets.
…you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
…sunscreen is sold year ’round, is kept at the front of the checkout counter. A formula less than SPF 30 is a source of humor amongst shoppers waiting in line, and you apply it just to go to Circle K.
…you think that Circle K signs are the state tree.
…it does not seem unusual to you that someone would develop and market a personal misting system for joggers — or that joggers would actually buy them.
…hot air balloons can’t fly because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
…having your car reupholstered in vinyl is legal basis for conducting a sanity hearing.
…you can understand the reason for a town being named “Why”.
…upon entering a bar, there is a gun check
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