Read all jokes from: America US (+264)
Bubba and Jake chartered a plane with a pilot to drop them off in the wilds of Alaska for a week of elk hunting, just the same as they did the year before.
When the pilot returned with the plane Bubba exclaimed joyfully to the pilot, “We had a great hunting trip! We bagged four elk!” The pilot regretfully explained, “Unfortunately, our plane can only fly with the weight of two elk. You’ll have to leave the other two behind.”
Bubba and Jake were both infuriated and insistent. “We won’t allow you to fly this plane out without all four elk,” Jake demanded.
The eager to please pilot relented and the plane took off with the three of them and their four elk. About fifteen minutes into the flight the engine started to sputter, and within seconds they were hurtling to the ground.
Wearily arising from the wreckage, Bubba looked at Jake and wheezed, “Do you have any idea where we are?”
Jake, quite pleased with himself, replied, “Yes! We’re about a mile from where we crashed last year.
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Read all jokes from: Alabama (+375)
A country bumpkin family from Alabama decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son. They go into the Empire State Building. As they’re walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The Alabama hick family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!
Paw looks at his son and says, “Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!!”
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Read all jokes from: Alabama (+375)
Q. What do they put on the bottoms of Coke bottles at Auburn?
A. Please open other end.
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Read all jokes from: Alaska (+171)
1. Would you unhook that fish for me please? I don’t want my hands to get all icky.
2. Why do I need a boat? I’m perfectly happy fishing from the shore.
3. I already have a dozen lures, I don’t need any more.
4. It sure is lonely at this lake, I hope some other fishermen show up.
5. Do you guys want to trade places with me? You’re not catching anything over there, and they’re really biting over here.
6. Don’t bother taking a picture of my 98-pound chinook before I release it, I’m sure everybody will believe that I caught one.
7. Thanks for the offer to go fishing with you, but I’d rather stay home and mow the lawn today.
8. I really don’t like catching silvers, they put up too much of a fight.
9. No thanks, no more beer for me.
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Read all jokes from: Ohio (+3)
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
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Read all jokes from: America US (+264)
Q. How do you keep Freddie Kitchens from hitting you with a football?
A. Wear a Bama jersey!
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Read all jokes from: America US (+264)
Three cheers for Dennis Miller…
When commenting on the celebrities who are parading against war, he said: “I say we create a new airline called the ACLA, the American Civil Liberties Airline, where you don’t check anybody, you don’t ask any questions, and let those morons fly on that one.”
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Read all jokes from: Alabama (+375)
The Alabamian and his gal were embracing passionately in the front seat of the car. “Want to go in the back seat?” she asked.
“No,” he replied.
A few minutes later she asked, “Now do you want to get in the back seat?”
“No,” he said again, “I wanna stay here in the front seat with you.”
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Read all jokes from: Arkansas (+102)
The young Arkansas man came running into the store and said to his buddy, Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”
Bubba replied, “Did you see who it was?”
The young Arkansansan answered. “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”
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Read all jokes from: America US (+264)
Why is it that in America:
1. Why is it that you can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance?
2. Why is it that there are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink?
3. Why is it that drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
4. Why is it that people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke?
5. Why is it that banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters?
6. Why is it that we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage?
7. Why is it that we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place?
8. Why is it that we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight?
9. Why is it that we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well? (After all, Poli’ in Latin means ‘many’ and ‘tics’ means ‘bloodsucking creatures’.)
10. Why is it that they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering?
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