Read all jokes from: Jewish (+6998)
The Rabbi rose with a red face and said, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the KKK. This is a horrible lie and one which a Jewish community cannot tolerate! I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and our Jewish community.”
No one moved.
The Rabbi continued, “Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and! in your heart you will feel relief. Now stand and confess your transgression!”
Again all was quiet.
Slowly a “drop dead” gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop, rose in the third pew. Her head was bowed, and her voice quivered as she spoke.
“Rabbi, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan. I just told a couple of friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.”
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Read all jokes from: Ethnic (+695)
What happens when the gotti boyyz came 2 fame?
they came to shame ruinied a powerful name, and became some more ameican lames. Italian americans loss more respect.
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Read all jokes from: Jewish (+6998)
Harry Goldberg has been elected the next president of the United States–the first Jewish boy to reach the Whitehouse. He is very proud and phones his mother in New York to invite her to the inauguration.
Harry: Momma, guess what! I’ve just been elected president, won’t you come to my inauguration?
Mother: Harry! You know I hate trains. I can’t face the journey all the way to Washington. Maybe next time.
Harry: Momma! You will take no train. Air Force One will collect you. The journey will be over in 30 minutes. Come to my inauguration, please…
Mother: Harry, I hate hotels. The non-kosher food! Nahh, maybe next time.
Harry: Momma!! You will stay in the White House, a kosher chef to yourself. PLEASE come.
Mother: Harry! I have nothing to wear!
Harry: I have someone on his way to take you to Macy’s and Bloomingdale’s to make you look perfect. You must come!!!
Mother: Okay, okay, I suppose I will come.
Inauguration day comes. Mother is on the front row, next to the Secretary of State. Harry is called up to become the next president. Mother digs the Secretary of State in the ribs and says, “Hey, you see that boy Harry? His brother is a very successful doctor!”
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Read all jokes from: Jewish (+6998)
Cyril had just retired and was having a discussion with his wife Ethel on what the future might hold for them.
“What will you do if I die before you?” Cyril asks.
After some thought, Ethel replies, “Oh, I’ll probably look to share a house with three other single or widowed women. As I’m still quite active, the other three could be a little younger than me.”
Then Ethel asks Cyril, “What will you do if I die first?”
Cyril replies, “Probably the same thing.”
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Read all jokes from: Jewish (+6998)
Abe and Shlomo are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic Church. They see a big sign posted that says: – ‘CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM AND GET £20.’
Abe stops walking and stares at the sign.
Shlomo turns to him and says, “Abe, what’s going on?”
“Shlomo,” replies Abe, “I’m thinking of doing it.”
Shlomo says, “What, are you crazy?”
Abe thinks for a minute and says, “Shlomo, I’m going to do it.”
With that, Abe strides purposely into the church and comes out 20 minutes later with his head bowed.
“So,” asks Shlomo, “did you get your £20?”
Abe looks up at him and says, “Is that all you people think of?”
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Read all jokes from: Jewish (+6998)
A rabbi and a priest are the lone passengers on a plane. Suddenly, the plane’s engines conk out. Immediately, the priest grabs the only parachute and jumps out.
The pilot asks the rabbi, “How will you survive?”
The rabbi answers, “Don’t worry about me, the priest took my tallis bag by mistake.”
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Read all jokes from: Jewish (+6998)
Morris decides to have a facelift for his birthday. He spends
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Read all jokes from: Arkansas (+102)
Q: What’s the best thing to ever come out of Arkansas?
A: I-40.
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Read all jokes from: Jewish (+6998)
Benjamin woke up one Saturday morning in a bad mood. When he came down to breakfast, he put on his yarmulke and sat across the table from his visiting sister, Sarah.
“I’m not going to shul today!” he said to Sarah emphatically.
“Yes you are.” Sarah replied calmly.
“No I’m not . . . I don’t think I really want to ever go again!” Benjamin said with obvious irritation. “The people down there don’t like me, they ignore me sometimes . . . they don’t appreciate me at all . . . and I won’t go back.”
“Yes, you will go today, and you will continue”, said Sarah with confidence. And, I’ll give you two reasons. Number one, you’re 45 years old… and Number two, you’re the Rabbi!”
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Read all jokes from: Jewish (+6998)
It was Sunday morning and as he had been doing for a number of years, 8year-old Abe was attending Hebrew classes. His teacher had just finished discussing one of the Ten Commandments, the one about honouring your mother and father, when the teacher asked the class, “Now, who can tell me which of the commandments tells us how to deal with our brothers and sisters?”
Abe put his hand up and, when asked, proudly said, “Thou shalt not kill.”
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