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Read all jokes from:Student (+358)
Two young men who had just graduated from Harvard were all excited and talking effusively as they got into a taxi in downtown Boston. After hearing them for a couple of minutes the cab driver asked, “You men Harvard graduates?” “Yes Sir! Class of ’94!” they answered proudly. The cab driver extended his hand back to shake their hand, saying, “Class of ’58.”
Read all jokes from:Football (+145), Kids (+2426), School (+376)
A first-grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Indianapolis Colts fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Colts fans too. Not really knowing what a Colts fan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air. There is, however, one exception. Kelly has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. “Because I’m not a Colts fan” she reports. “Then,” asks the teacher,” What are you?” “I’m a Chicago Bears fan,” boasts the little girl. The teacher asks Susie why she is a Bears fan. “Well, my Dad and Mom are Bears fans, so I’m a Bears fan too,” she responds. “That’s no reason,” the teacher says. “What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?” Kelly smiles and says, “Then I’d be a Colts fan.”
Read all jokes from:Student (+358)
These are actual excuse notes teachers have received, spelling mistakes included. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wear. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor. Submitted by Unknown. Please excuse Jane. She had been sick and under the doctor. Please excuse my son’s tardiness. I forgot to wake him up and I didn’t find him until I started making the beds. Please excuse Harriet from school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it on Monday, we thought it was Sunday. Please excuse Ray from school. He has very loose vowels.
Read all jokes from:School (+376)
Father: Why did you get such a low score in that test?
Read all jokes from:Student (+358)
Young Larry stopped by the corner grocery store and read the following list to the clerk: 10 pounds sugar at $1.25 a pound “How much does that come to?” asked Larry. “Twenty-two dollars and thirty-six cents.” “If I gave you three ten dollar bills, how much change would I get?” said the boy. “Seven dollars and sixty-four cents,” stated the clerk who appeared to be irritated by all the questions. Larry said, as he disappeared through the door, “I don’t want to buy the items…that’s our arithmetic lesson for tomorrow, and I needed some help with it.”
Read all jokes from:College (+414)
* Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. * Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook. * Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters “CHECK YOUR FLY”. (at least for the Male profs) * Address the professor as “your excellency”. * When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream “AAAGH! MY EYES!” * Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers. * Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he’s been drinking. * Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it’s Smith. Claim that the i is silent. * Sit in the front row reading the professor’s graduate thesis and snickering. * Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, “Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?” Become agitated when the professor can’t understand you. * Wink at the professor every few minutes. (Hey you might even get a date if he/she is cute) * Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write “Signup Sheet #5″ at the top, and start passing it around the room. * Start a “wave” in a large lecture hall.
Read all jokes from:School (+376)
Teacher: What came after the stone age and the bronze age?
Read all jokes from:College (+414)
* You consider McDonald’s “real food.” * You actually like doing laundry at home. * 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends. * It starts getting late on the weeknights. * Two miles is not too far to walk for a party. * You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it. * You’d rather clean than study. * Half the time you don’t wake up in your own bed and it seems normal. * Computer Solitaire is more than a game it’s a way of life. * You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps. * You know the pizza boy by name. * You go to sleep when it’s light and get up when it’s dark. * You live for getting mail. (E-mail included) * Looking out the window is a form of entertainment. * Prank phone calls become funny again. * Wal-Mart is the coolest store. * World War III could take place and you’d be clueless. * You start thinking and sounding like your roommate. * Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth. * Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime. * You find out milk crates have so many uses. * The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday. (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday night)
Read all jokes from:College (+414)
* Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. * Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook. * Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters “CHECK YOUR FLY”. (at least for the Male profs) * Address the professor as “your excellency”. * When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream “AAAGH! MY EYES!” * Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers. * Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he’s been drinking. * Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it’s Smith. Claim that the i is silent. * Sit in the front row reading the professor’s graduate thesis and snickering. * Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, “Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?” Become agitated when the professor can’t understand you. * Wink at the professor every few minutes. (Hey you might even get a date if he/she is cute) * Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write “Signup Sheet #5″ at the top, and start passing it around the room. * Start a “wave” in a large lecture hall.
Read all jokes from:Student (+358)
1. If you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen, you might be a college student. 2. If you live in a house with three couches, none of which match. 3. If you consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal. 4. If you have ever written a check for 45 cents. 5. If you have a fine collection of domestic beer bottles. 6. If you have ever seen two consectutive sunrises without sleeping. 7. If your glass set is composed of McDonald’s Extra Value Meal Plastic Cups (ie.Olympic Dream Team I or II). 8. If your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads. 9. If you cannot remember when you last washed your car. 10. If you can pack your worldly possesions into the back of a pick-up (one trip). 11. If you have ever had to justify yourself for buying Natural Light. 12. If the first thing you do in the morning is roll over and introduce yourself. 13. If you average less than 3 hours of sleep a night. 14. If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn’t 15. If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week 16. If you eat at the cafeteria because it’s “free”, even though it tastes terrible. 17. If you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy 18. If you wake up 10 minutes before class 19. If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row — without washing them 20. If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class 21. If your social life consists of a date with the library 22. If your idea of “doing your hair” is putting on a baseball cap 23. If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room 24. If you carry less than a dollar on you at all times because that’s all you have 25. If you haven’t done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class 26. If your midnight snack is microwave popcorn 27. If you celebrate when you find a quarter 28. If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over 29. If your walls are plastered with posters of half naked men or women (whichever your preference) 30. If you have built up a tolerence for beverages (he he he) 31. If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself 32. If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis 33. If you get more sleep in class than in your room 34. If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles 35. If you can sleep through your roommate’s blaring stereo 36. If you live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes 37. If you get more e-mail than mail.
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