Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!
17 views |
 |
|
Read all jokes from:School (+377)
Processing your request, Please wait....
Read all jokes from:School (+377)
Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth!
Pupil: What ?, and get bitten!
Teacher: You aren’t paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing?
Pupil: No, teacher I’m having trouble listening!
29 views |
|
|
Read all jokes from:School (+377)
Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please?
Don’t tell me that they haven’t found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy!
15 views |
|
|
Read all jokes from:College (+414)
1. It doesn’t bother me at all that my college roommate is making $80,000 a year on Wall Street.
2. I’d be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.
3. My work has a lot of practical importance.
4. I wouldn’t ever date an undergraduate.
5. Your latest article was so inspiring.
6. I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.
7. I just have one more book to read and then I’ll start writing.
8. The department is giving me so much support.
9. My job prospects look really good.
10. No really, I’ll be out of here in only two more years.
25 views |
|
|
Read all jokes from:Kids (+2427), School (+377)
The teacher walked into the classroom to find words like “cunt” and “cock” scrawled all over the blackboard.
“Children,” she said, addressing the classroom, “you are much too young to use vile language like that. Now we’re all going to close our eyes and count up to fifty. Then, while our eyes are closed, I want the little boy or girl who wrote those words on the board to tiptoe up and erase them.”
At the signal, the teacher and the children all closed their eyes. Then the teacher counted out loud, very slowly. When she reached fifty, she said, “All right. Everybody open their eyes.”
All eyes went to the blackboard. None of the words were erased. But below them was the message: “Fuck you, teacher! The Phantom strikes again!”
30 views |
|
|
Read all jokes from:School (+377)
Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year?
Pupil: 12 – 2nd January, 2nd February…!
Teacher: This is the third time I’ve had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that?
Pupil: Thank heavens it’s Friday!
67 views |
|
|
Read all jokes from:College (+414)
Wouldn’t it be nice to tell the Dean of your college what you REALLY think about him/her? Well, if you like your Dean as much as I like my Dean, then you’d better keep your mouth shut. I knew I’d get kicked out of the college if I expressed my true feelings, so I remained silent for the last four years.
But yesterday was my graduation. And as I walked across the stage, the Dean handed my diploma to me (nicely scrolled and tied with a ribbon).
Once she handed it to me, I could finally tell that bitch what I REALLY thought about her. So I leaned across her podium and I looked her straight in the eye.
“Hey Bitch,” I said. “You’re so damn ugly, you could practice birth control just by leaving the lights on!”
And then I walked off the stage, and went home. I gotta tell you that it felt just as good as I had imagined it would for the last four years.
Today, I unwrapped my diploma, framed it, and hung it in the living room, where it proudly exclaims to the world: “In order to receive your diploma, please present this certificate to the Dean of your college after final grades have been posted!”
15 views |
|
|
Read all jokes from:School (+377)
Teacher: What’s 2 and 2
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That’s good
Pupil: Good?, that’s perfect!
29 views |
|
|
Read all jokes from:College (+414), Redhead (+78)
In an early morning history class a teacher began to notice that only two people had been showing up tardy.
Every Tuesday and Thursday of the week a young man and a stunning redhead had repeatedly shown up late. The boy walking in as if he had just ran a 10 mile race and the redhead would show up after him with a bottle of water and a proud smile.
On a usual Tuesday the teacher waited to start class until both had shown up. He took out his list of tardys and announced, “Everyone in this room has made it to my class on time… except two obvious people.” With this, the boy began to get a little nervous, glancing at the redhead, who stared on with a confident smile at the teacher.
The teacher then decided to ask the redhead if she knew the reason why she and her male friend were always late. She answered, “Well, you always have pop quizzes on either Tuesdays or Thursdays so (boy) and I just have early morning reviews before each day. Sometimes we just get a little carried away.”
The teacher, more or less than amused, sentenced the redhead to come to a before school detention for Thursday morning, and proceeded with a pop quiz for the day.
Thursday morning rolled around. The boy came to class early, walking perfectly, but neither the teacher or the redhead were in sight. It wasn’t until 10 minutes into class that the redhead cooly walked in, winked at the boy and sat down with her bottle of water.
Not but a minute later the teacher sauntered in the classroom, announcing that it no longer was a need to be on time for class anymore, the redhead had proved herself worthy of her study time, whether he liked it or not. With that he turned to the board, exposing the nail rips in the back of his shirt.
31 views |
|
|
Read all jokes from:School (+377)
The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, “Now I’ll show you this frog in my pocket.” He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, “That’s funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch.”
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, “What do you like best about it, class? Let’s start with you, Robert.”
“The artwork,” says Robert.
“Very good. And you, Peter?”
“Her tits!” says Peter.
“Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall,” responds the teacher with disgust. “And you, Johnny?”
“I’m leaving, teacher, I’m leaving…”
111 views |
|
|