 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Read all jokes from:Student (+358)
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’” A small voice from the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher; she’s still old, nasty, and wrinkled”
Read all jokes from:Student (+358)
A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed. “What’s the matter, son,” asked his mother. “Aw, gee,” said the boy, “It’s my marks. They’re all wet.” “What do you mean `all wet?’” “I mean,” he replied, “below C-level.”
Read all jokes from:Student (+358)
It has long been known that … I haven’t bothered to look up the original reference … of great theoretical and practical importance … interesting to me While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to these questions. The experiments didn’t work out, but I figured I could at least get a publication out of it. The W-Pb system was chosen as especially suitable to show thepredicted behavior … The fellow in the next lab had some already made up High purity … Very high purity … Extremely high purity … Super-purity … Spectroscopically pure … Composition unknown except for the exaggerated claims of the supplier A fiducial reference line … A scratch Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study … The results of the others didn’t make sense and were ignored … … handled with extreme care during the experiments …not dropped on the floor Typical results are shown … The best results are shown … Although some detail has been lost in reproduction, it is clear from theoriginal micrograph that … It is impossible to tell from the micrograph Presumably at longer times … I didn’t take the time to find out The agreement with the predicted curve is excellent fair good poor satisfactory doubtful fair imaginary … as good as could be expected non-existent These results will be reported at a later date I might get around to this sometime The most reliable values are those of Jones He was a student of mine It is suggested that … It is believed that … It may be that … I think … It is generally believed that … I have such a good objection to this answer that I shall now raise. It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding … I don’t understand it Unfortunately, a quantitative theory to account for these effects has not been formulated Neither does anybody else Correct within an order of magnitude Wrong It is to be hoped that this work will stimulate further work in the field. This paper isn’t very good but neither are any of the others on this miserable subject. Thanks are due to Joe Glotz for assistance with the experiments and to John Doe for valuable discussions. Glotz did the work and Doe explained what it meant.
Read all jokes from:College (+414)
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked. “That is the talking clock,” the man replied. “How’s it work?” the friend asked. “Watch,” the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It’s two AM!”
Read all jokes from:Student (+358)
Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Art: Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life. Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English Parliamentary System circa 1750. Prove your thesis. Chemistry: You must identify a poison sample which you will find at your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison. (We feel this will give you an incentive to find the correct answer.) Civil Engineering: This is a practical test of your design and building skills. With the boxes of toothpicks and glue present, build a platform that will wupport your weight when you and your platform are suspended over a vat of nitric acid. Computer Science: Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using this language, write a computer program to finish the rest of this exam for you. Economics: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist Controversy and the Wave Theory of Light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question. Electrical Engineering: You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the problem and correct it before the reactor melts down. Engineering: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes, a hungry bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel necessary. Be prepared to justify your decision. Epistemology: Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your stand. General Knowledge: Describe in detail. Be objective and specific. History: Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific. Mathematics: Derive the Euler-Cauchy equations using only a straightedge and compass. Discuss in detail the role these equations had on mathematical analysis in Europe during the 1800s. Medicine: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until you work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes. Metaphysics: Describe in detail the probably nature of life after death. Test your hypothesis. Music: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat. Philosophy: Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought. Physchology: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisis, Rameses II, Hammuarabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man’s work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate. Physics: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science. Political Science: There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects if any. Public Speaking: 2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek. Religion: Perform a miracle. Creativity will be judged. Sociology: Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory. Extra Credit: Define the universe, and give three examples.
Read all jokes from:Student (+358)
When I first started college, the Dean came in and said “Good Morning” to all of us. When we echoed back to him, he responded “Ah, you’re Freshmen.” He explained. “When you walk in and say good morning, and they say good morning back, it’s Freshmen. When they put their newspapers down and open their books, it’s Sophomores. When they look up so they can see the instructor over the tops of the newspapers, it’s juniors. When they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, it’s seniors.” “When you walk in and say good morning, and they write it down, it’s graduate students.”
Read all jokes from:Student (+358)
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: “Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face.” “Yes, sir,” the boys said. “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” A little fellow shouted, “‘It’s because yer feet ain’t empty.”
Read all jokes from:School (+377)
THE CITY OF LOS ANGELES HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM NAME: ____________________ GANG NAME: ___________________ 1. Little Johnny has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Little Johnny attempt before he has to reload? 2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold? 3. Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need? 4. Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4×4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4×4′s, how many more corvettes must he have to steal to have $900? 5. Raoul got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out? Extra credit bonus: how much more time will he get for killing the wife that spent his money? 6. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be free? 7. Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a Boa Constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the Boa on one week’s income? 8. Billy steals Joe’s skateboard. As Billy skates away at 35 mph, Joe loads his .357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his magnum, how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked?
Read all jokes from:Student (+358)
25. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study. 24. No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come. 23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both. 22. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher’s guide. 21. In college, there are no bells or tardy slips. 20. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends. 19. In college, you don’t have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool. 18. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn’t heard of it.) 17. In high school, you’re told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, as long as the classes don’t conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren’t closed and you’ve paid your tuition. 16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you’re lucky to ever talk with the professor. 15. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close. 14. In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your high school final exams ever did. 13. In high school, when the teacher said, “Good morning,” you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, “Good morning,” you write it down. 12. In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls. 11. In college, weekends start on Thursday. 10. In college, it’s much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there. 9. Once you’ve obtained the information described in #10, it’s much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will be in order to “just happen to bump into him/her.” 8. In college, there’s no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day. 7. In college, your dad doesn’t pay for dates. 6. In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad. 5. College men are cuter than high school boys. 4. College women are legal. 3. In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don’t need a note from your parents saying you were skip… uh, sick that day. 2. In high school, you can’t go out to lunch because it’s not allowed. In college, you can’t go out to lunch because you can’t afford it. 1. In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.
Read all jokes from:School (+377)
“Haven’t I seen your face before?” a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Processing your request, Please wait....