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Read all jokes from:Student (+358)
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.” Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”
Read all jokes from:College (+414)
* Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others. * Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, “Does this taste funny to you?” * Consistently write three atoms of potassium as ‘KKK.’ * Mutter repeatedly, “Not again… not again… not again.” * When it’s very quiet, suddenly cry out, “My eyes!” * Deny the existence of chemicals. * Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it. * Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker. Especially effective for female students. * Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the sulfuric acid. * Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an interest in federal buildings.
Read all jokes from:College (+414)
For his final project in a statistics class, a student decided to conduct a survey. So it wouldn’t be a boring project, he chose to find out peoples’ favorite pastimes. The teacher required that he sample at least 100 people,so he started out his project visiting a fairly large apartment building near the university. He knocked on the first door and a man answered. “Sir, what is your name?” asked the student “John.” “Sir, I’m doing a school study and would like to know what your favorite pastime is?” “Watching bubbles in the bath,” came the reply. He liked the esoterical answer and continued down the hall, until he came to the next door, when he asked again. “Sir,what is your name?” “Jeff.” “Sir, would you please tell me your favorite pastime?” “Watching bubbles in the bath,” was the answer. Quite amused and confused, he went on to ask a good number of people in the building and and all of them had the same pastime of “watching bubbles in the bath.” He left the building and walked across the street where there were several rows of sorority houses to continue the survey. At the first house, he knocks and an attractive sorority girl opens the door. Our surveyor starts again, “What is your name?” “Bubbles!”
Read all jokes from:School (+377)
A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, “if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?”
Read all jokes from:Student (+358)
Sung to the tune of Beauty and the Beast’s “Be our guest” Abbreviation glossary: P: Professors P: Ma chere tuition-payers,it is with deepest sadism and greatest power that we welcome you this morning. And now, we require you to get tense, let us pull up a chair, as the faculty proudly presents – your final! P: Take your test World War I S1: Did you ever get the feeling we’re oppressed? P: Don’t question our regime S1: It’s a test! S2: It’s a test! S3: This can’t be! I still need rest! P: You want sleep, you little creep? S3: Help me please! I’m having cardiac arrest! S1: Somebody check his heart! P: Then label every part! S: That’s our test? P: That’s your test S: What a pest! TA: Here’s a test
Read all jokes from:College (+414)
Joey was taking Calculus at UCLA. He struggled with it, and worried about failing. Final exam time came, and he studied and studied, but, still he was not ready. The Professor passed out the exams and told the class that they had only 30 minutes. Every five minutes, he reminded the class how much time was left. This only made Joey more and more nervous. Finally, after 30 minutes, the Professor said, “Stop! The exam is over. Turn them in!” One by one, the papers were handed in. But, Joey just kept working on that exam. The Professor decided to wait it out and see how long it would take him. After another 20 minutes, Joey turned in his exam. The Professor asked him, “What are you doing?” Joey answered, “Turning in my exam.” The professor then told Joey, “The exam was over 20 minutes ago. You have failed!” Joey then looked the Professor in the eye, and asked, “Do you know who I am?” The professor answered, “No.” Then Joey asked, “You really don’t know who I am, do you?” as if he were a very important person. The Professor again, said, “No, I don’t know who you are and I don’t care!” Then Joey shoved his exam right in the middle of the other exams, that were on the Professor’s desk, and said, “Good!”
Read all jokes from:College (+414)
Even though I was an engineering student at the University of Maryland, chemistry was a required course in my day. The Professor, on the first day of class, asked everyone to name the most outstanding contribution chemistry had made to society.
Read all jokes from:College (+414)
Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him. “And how do you find the English students, Donald?” she asked. “Mother,” he replied, “they’re such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won’t stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night.” “Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy “Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes.”
Read all jokes from:School (+377)
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Read all jokes from:School (+377)
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”
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