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Read all jokes from:Celebrity (+967)
A pilot, the President, Micheal Jackson, a librarian, and some kids are on a plane that is about to crash. There are just enough parachutes that one person must die. The pilot says “Well, I’m the pilot so i have to live,” so he jumps out with a parachute. The President says “Well I’m the President and I have to run the country so i should live,” “But what about the kids’” said the librarian. “Screw the kids” said the President. “I already did” said Micheal Jackson.
Read all jokes from:Celebrity (+967)
Q: What are the wives of Michael Kennedy and Sonny Bono called?
Read all jokes from:Celebrity (+967)
The Top 13 Celebrity Answering Machine Greetings Bill Gates — “You pathetic sheep, I have given you MUCH better technology to use than this! Oh, just leave a friggin’ message.” Bobby Knight — “Oh nice going, Einstein. Wait till I’m out and THEN you call! Leave your number, if you can remember the darn thing, and I’ll cuss you out and slap you around later.” Farrah Fawcett — “Hello? Hello? Is that you, Letterman? Oh, I… aaaahhhh… spiders! Spiders! Get them off me!! Get them [BEEP]“ William Shatner — “If you wish to give me money, please indicate how much and I’ll phone in my performance as soon as I can.” Dwight Gooden — “I’m high and outside again, but I’ll call you back when the bases are as loaded as I am.” Howard Stern — “If you are a porn star, push 1. If you are a substance abuser and suffer from gross physical deformities, push 2. If you are a exhibitionist lesbian, push 3. If none of these categories applies to you, hang up and call Don Imus.” Kevin Costner — “According to People magazine, I’m not in right now…” Dennis Miller — “Not to get all Dick Nixon on you, Cha Cha, but speak into the tape recorder and I promise not to sample it into my Milli Vanilli act at the Copa, ‘kay, babe?” Jim Morrison — “Hi, I can’t come to the phone because I’ve been dead for thirty years. If you’re too stoned to care, leave a message at the tone….” Dr. Erwin Schrodinger — “Guten tag. My cat and I may or may not be in at the moment. Leave a message when you hear the isotope particle decay.” Anna Nicole Smith — “Leave your name, age and net worth at the tone, and I’ll get back to you in descending order.” Prince Charles — “I’m all ears.” Jack Nicholson — “You probably don’t recognize my voice because I’m doing my impression of Joe L. Hendrickson, an office temp from Dover, Delaware. How do you like that, Joe? Not so darn funny when someone’s pretending to be YOU on their answering machine, is it? IS IT?!?”
Read all jokes from:Celebrity (+967)
Excited about his new project concept, a movie producer had called together several big name draws to kick some ideas around.
Read all jokes from:Celebrity (+967)
Dale Earnheart, Jeff Gordon, Tony Sterut was all trying to get into a strip joint. But the bouncer wouldn’t let them so they said who they were and the bouncer said that if their dicks added up to 13 inches he would let them in. So Dale was 5. And Jeff was 2. So the bouncer let them in. As they was going in Jeff said,” Thankfuly I had a hard one on.”
Read all jokes from:Celebrity (+967)
Christina Aguilera has apparently acquired a new sense of eco-awareness. Known to be a bit of a temperamental diva, Aguilera had a run-in with a glitzy Hollywood restaurant over some leftovers. The San Francisco Chronicle reports that the singer had finished her meal at a trendy eatery and had requested that the waiter place her uneaten food into a doggie bag. When she was brought the leftover food in a styrofoam box, Christina purportedly blew her cork. Aguilera was furious that this kind of environmentally-unfriendly material was being used and began to give the waiter a lecture on the evils of the polystyrene plastic. She allegedly ended up storming out the door leaving her styrofoam doggie box behind. The Left Coast Report says Christina shouldn’t worry too much about the biodegradability of styrofoam. After all, parts of her body may last several thousand years longer than the little plastic food box.
Read all jokes from:Celebrity (+967)
Calvin Coolidge’s anecdote about what his son was doing when he was inaugurated President President Calvin Coolidge told the anecdote about his son, Calvin. “He was working in a tobacco field the day I was made President. Some of the boys said: ‘If my father were President, I wouldn’t be working in a tobacco field in the Connecticut Valley!’ Calvin said: ‘If my father were your father you would!’”
Read all jokes from:Celebrity (+967)
Q. What’s the difference between Christopher Reeves and OJ Simpson? A. Christopher Reeves got the electric chair…and O.J walked!
Read all jokes from:Celebrity (+967)
Tom Cruise: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger’ Katie Holmes: Because I married the wrong man
Read all jokes from:Celebrity (+967)
Q: What is Arnold Schwarzenegger’s favorite web site? A: Alta Vista baby.
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