Read all jokes from: Celebrity (+967)
Paris Hilton was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!
She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. “Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing’”
Paris Hilton turns around and says, “Yeah right! I’m not giving up this machine while I’m still winning!”
8 views |
|
|
 Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Celebrity (+967)
Bored by their wild partying lifestyle Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan have turned into nuns.
One day Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes, when one said,”It’s bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke,but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so Mother Superior doesn’t find them.”
Paris said, “I’ve found a marvelous invention called the condom, which really solves this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later!”
Lindsay Lohan was quite impressed and asked where she could find them.
“You get them at the drug store, sister, just go and ask the pharmacist for them.” The next day Lindsay Lohan went to the drug store and walked up to the counter. “Good morning, sister,” said the pharmacist.
“What can I do for you today’”
“I’d like some condoms, please,” said Lindsay Lohan. The pharmacist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked,
“How many boxes would you like’ There are twelve to a box.”
“I’ll take six boxes – that should last about a week,” she replied.
The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time, and was almost afraid to ask any more questions,
but his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice, “Sister, what size condoms would you like – we have large, extra large, and big liar size.”
Lindsay Lohan thought for a minute, and finally said, “I’m not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel.”
16 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Celebrity (+967)
2 of the queens corgies were having a chat in the garden.
One said to the other “It’s a shame the queen mum is dead”
The other replied “I’m glad she’s gone”
“Why is that then”
“Coz we wont get the blame for pissing on the couch anymore”.
19 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Celebrity (+967)
Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford are flying to a super models conference in Paris, when the captain of the plane announces: “We have just lost power to the engines and are going to make an emergency crash landing – assume the brace position immediately!”
Immediately the three models start preparing for the worst. Claudia pulls out lipstick and make-up and starts fixing her face.
Bewildered, Naomi and Cindy ask: “What in the hell are you doing fixing your make-up when we are about to freaking crash!”
Claudia responds: I know for a fact the rescue workers will search for, and save first, the ones who have the best looking faces- which is why I am putting on my make-up.”
Cindy Crawford rips open her blouse to expose two beautiful mounds of flesh which inexplicably defy the law of gravity. Totally confused, Naomi and Claudia shout: “Cindy, have you lost your senses’ Why are you baring your breasts for everyone to see when we are about to die!” Cindy responds: “I have it on good authority in plane crashes, the rescue workers look to save first the women with big beautiful breasts- which is why I am exposing my tits!”
Not hesitating, Naomi Campbell pulls down her skirt and panties to expose her “love triangle.” Freaking out, Claudia and Cindy yell: “Naomi – Are you crazy’ Why are you exposing your crotch for everyone to see’” Calmly, Naomi responds: “BITCHES PLEASE! I know for a fact the first thing the rescue workers look for in plane crashes is a black box!”
6 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Celebrity (+967)
Paris Hilton made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with Nicole Richie.
Nicole Richie suggested, “There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it’s not going to be legal.”
“That doesn’t matter at all,” replied Paris Hilton. “All that matters it that I am able to sell this car.”
“Alright,” replied Nicole. In a quiet voice, she told Paris: “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here.
Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn’t be a problem to sell your car.”
The following weekend, the Paris Hilton took a trip to the mechanic on the Nicole’s advice.
About one month after that, both of them met and Nicole asked, “Did you sell your car’”
“No!” replied Paris Hilton. “Why should I’ It only has 40,000 miles on it.”
24 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Celebrity (+967)
Paris Hilton pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, “What’s the story’”
He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor”
She asks, “How often do I have to do that’”
11 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Celebrity (+967)
Q: What is Arnold Schwarzenegger’s favorite web site?
A: Alta Vista baby.
13 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Celebrity (+967)
Charlize Theron bought a new convertible.One day she was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, “Miss, why are you driving so recklessly’”
Charlize said, “I’m sorry sir, but wherever I go, there’s always a tree in front of me and I can’t seem to get away from it!”
The cop looked at her and said, “Lady, that’s your air freshener!”
11 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Celebrity (+967)
It is an open secret now that Britney Spears and Kevin’s marriage has started to fall apart… The reason being Kevin’s crazy Partying…
One day Kevin Federline wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can’t believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose. Kevin sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Kevin looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table:
“Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go to my new video rehearsal-Love you!” He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. The babysitter is sitting on the couch watching TV.
Jack asks, “Mindy…what happened last night’”
“Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”
“So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me’”
The babysitter, “Oh THAT!… Britney dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, “Leave me alone, lady, I’m married!”
Broken furniture – $85.26
Hot Breakfast – $4.20
Red Rose bud -$3.00
Two Aspirins -$.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time…Priceless!
11 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Celebrity (+967)
A Yankee fan, a Met fan, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together on the subway when the lights go out and the car goes completely dark. There’s a kissing noise, and then the sound of a really loud slap.
When the subway car’s lights come back on, Pamela Anderson and the Met fan are sitting as if nothing happened, and the Yankee fan is holding his slapped face.
The Yankee fan is thinking, “That Met fan must have kissed Pamela and she swung at him and missed, slapping me instead.”
Pamela is thinking, “That Yankee fan must have tried to kiss me, accidentally kissed the Met fan, and got slapped for it.”
And the Met fan is thinking, “This is great. The next time the subway car’s lights go out, I’ll make another kissing noise and slap that @!#%! Yankee fan again.”
13 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
|
