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Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Does your wife ever…well, you know…does she…well, let you do it doggie style?” asked one of the two. “Well, not exactly,” his friend replied, “She’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.” “Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?” “Well, not exactly. Whenever I make a move, she’s most likely to roll over and play dead.”
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
Absolute Zero = Absolut vodka over frozen nitrogen Alexander the Grrreat = Gin, creme de cacao, and sweet cream over corn flakes American in Paris = Kentucky bourbon and champagne Black Sabbath = Kahlua and Mogen David wine Blind Faith = Wood alcohol and sacramental wine Blood Clot = Vodka, tomato juice, and Jell-O Bloody Awful = Vodka and ketchup Blue Moon = Corn whiskey and Aqua Velva Coleman Cooler = White wine, soda, fried chicken crumbs, and sand Fuzzy Naval Base = Peach schnapps, orange juice, and ammonia George Bush = George Dickel bourbon and Busch beer Gorbachev = Vodka with a splash of port wine Honeydew the Dishes = Midori and Dawn Marie Antoinette = Bourbon, cake mix, and flat beer Martinizer = Gin, vermouth, and carbon tetrachloride Mary Poppins = Vodka, tomato juice, and a spoonful of sugar Mexican Hairless = Tequila and Minoxidil Oil of Ole = Mazola and Sangria Peter, Paul, and Mary = Potassium nitrate, Paul Masson wine, and tomato juice Phillips’ Screwdriver = Vodka, orange juice, and milk of magnesia Port in a Storm = Red wine and rainwater Quack Doctor = Cold duck and Dr. Pepper A Rum with a View = Bacardi and Visine Rum-Pole of the Bailey = Bacardi rum, Popov vodka, and Bailey’s Irish Cream Sake-to-me = Rice wine, punch, and nitrous oxide Scotch Tapeworm = Dewar’s and Mescal Shipwreck = Cutty Sark on the rocks Short Wave = Ripple in a shot glass, ginger, syrup, and pomegranate Sinead O’Connor = Irish whiskey and Nair Skid Roe = Muscatel and caviar Sour Kraut = Schnapps and lemon juice Sundae Driver = Vodka, orange juice, and ice cream Tequila Mockingbird = Jose Cuervo and birdseed
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
A blonde, a brunette, a redhead, a vicar, a priest, a rabbi, two giraffes and a duck, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman an American,and a Scotsman walked into a bar. The barman said, “Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?”
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender says “We don’t serve poultry!”
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender. “I’ll have a glass of blood,” said one.
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says “I want you to see this.” She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, “what do you have to say about this experiment?” He responds by saying: “If I drink whiskey, I won’t get worms!”
Read all jokes from:Drunk (+137)
A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun. He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target, and after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the drunk wasn’t aware of what he had done, and gave him instead a consolation prize, a small, live turtle. The drunk wandered off into the crowd. An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was given another turtle. Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third attempt. Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in the general direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three times. Once more he had scored three bullseyes. But this time there was an onlooker with good eyesight. “That’s fantastic”, the man said. “Hasn’t he scored three bulls?” The showman, cursing his luck, made a show of going over to the target and inspecting it closely. “Yes, sir!” he announced to the crowd. “Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this magnificent 68-piece set of glassware!” “I don’t want any stinking glasses,” the drunk replied. “Give me another one of those little crusty meat pies!”
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
Two men were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, one did come forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that she could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, “Make the entire ocean into beer!” Immediately the Genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished to her freedom. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. The other man looked disgustedly at the one whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: “Nice going! Now we’re going to have to pee in the boat.”
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, “Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn’t dance a single step!” “So?” asked the ducks former owner, “did you remember to light the candle under the pot?”
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