Read all jokes from: Bar (+1637)
There is man sitting in a bar who is really, really drunk. When the bar closes he gets up to go home. He stumbles and falls couple of times and finally manages to get out of the door. As he gathers himself, he sees a nun passing by. He stumbles over to her and starts punching her in the face. The nun is shocked beyond belief, but before she could say anything, he leans over and punches her again.
This time the nun hits the pavement. The drunk stumbles over to her, kicks her in the butt, picks her up and throws her against the wall. By now the nun is very weak and can barely move. He leans over her, grabbing her by the collar of her habit and says, “Not feeling too STRONG tonight, ARE YOU, BATMAN!”
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Read all jokes from: Bar (+1637)
A guy went out drinking every night of the week before rolling home drunk at midnight to a frosty welcome from his long-suffering wife. She was telling a friend about how unbearable the atmosphere was becoming between herself and her husband, and the friend suggested she try a different tack. She advised that instead of haranguing him when he got in, she should treat him with compassion. That night, the husband staggered in late as usual but this time he was greeted with a friendly kiss. She sat him in his favourite chair, brought him his slippers and made him a nice cup of tea. He could hardly believe it. Where were the insults and accusations? After a while she said: “It’s getting late now, dear. I think we’d better go upstairs to bed.” “We might as well,” slurred the husband. “I’ll be in trouble when I get home anyway.”
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Read all jokes from: Bar (+1637)
Beer is for me, beer is for you,
First I’ll have one, then I’ll have two.
After three or more, I’ll find me a whore,
I’ll drink till I’m drunk, and I’ll even have more.
I’ll get up and dance, I’ll get down and dirty,
I’ll hit on a fat lady ’cause, “She’s so damn ‘purty”
Seven, then eight, nine, and then ten,
The drinking don’t stop till the puking begins.
I’ll get really tired, be ready for bed,
Then fall on the toilet and crack open my head.
There I will stay till the sun comes up,
My friends will all tell me, “Man you were snookered up!”
“Screw you!” I say, “I had a good time.”
“Until you got naked for quarters and dimes.”
“Even that was fun,” I’ll say with a sneer,
Thanks to my friend, that cold case of beer.
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Read all jokes from: Drunk (+137)
There’s a big conference of beer producers in the most beautiful town in the world: Amsterdam, the Netherlands.
At the end of the day, all of the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar.
The president of ‘Budweiser’ orders a Bud, the president of ‘Miller’ orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on.
Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody’s amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke!
“Why don’t you order a Guinness?” his colleagues ask.
“Naah. If you guys won’t drink beer, then neither will I.”
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Read all jokes from: Bar (+1637)
One night in a local pub, a man stumbled up to the only other patron in a bar and asked if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course,” came the reply.
The first man then asked, “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ireland,” replied the second man.
The first man responded, “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”
“Of course,” replied the second man.
Curious, the first man then asked, “Where in Ireland are you from?”
“Dublin,” came the reply.
“I can’t believe it, ” said the first man. “I’m from Dublin too!”
He continued, “Let’s have another drink to Dublin.”
“Of course,” replied the second man.
Curiosity again struck and the first man asked, “What school did you go to?”
“Saint Mary’s,” replied the second man. “I graduated in ’62.”
“This is unbelievable!” the first man said. “I went to Saint Mary’s and graduated in ’62, too!”
About that time, one of the regulars came into the bar and sat down.
“What’s been going on?” he asked the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replied the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are drunk again!”
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Read all jokes from: Bar (+1637)
A grasshopper walks into a bar, pulls up a stool, and orders a beer. The bartender pours him a tall, frothy mug and says “You know… we have a drink named after you.” To which the grasshopper replies, “You have a drink named Bob?”
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Read all jokes from: Bar (+1637), Horse (+16)
A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender says, “So, why the long face?”
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Read all jokes from: Bar (+1637), Marriage (+787), Men vs. Women (+5689)
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.”
His second friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.”
Paddy says: “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.” Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
“No, I’m serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.”
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Read all jokes from: Bar (+1637)
One night a man was getting very drunk in a pub. He staggered back to take a piss, whipping his prick out as he went in the door. However, he had wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman sitting on the can.
“This is for ladies!” she screamed.
The drunk waved his dick at her and said, “So is this!”
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Read all jokes from: Bar (+1637)
A man’s driving along when he’s pulled over by a cop car.
A cop approaches him and asks, “Have you been drinking, sir?”
“Nah, why?” replies the man. “Have I got a fat chick in my car?”
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