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Read all jokes from:Drunk (+137)
A man walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the man started to leave. “Excuse me, sir,” said a customer, who was puzzled over what the man had done, “What was that all about?” “Oh,” said the man, “my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.”
Read all jokes from:Drunk (+137)
There’s a big conference of beer producers in the most beautiful town in the world: Amsterdam, the Netherlands. At the end of the day, all of the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar. The president of ‘Budweiser’ orders a Bud, the president of ‘Miller’ orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on. Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody’s amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke! “Why don’t you order a Guinness?” his colleagues ask. “Naah. If you guys won’t drink beer, then neither will I.”
Read all jokes from:Drunk (+137)
A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered 3 shots of whiskey, drank them, then left. This continued daily for several weeks. Curious, the bartender asked him one day, “Why do you always order three shots of whiskey?” The man answered, “Because my two brothers and I always used to have one shot each, and since they’ve both passed on, I’ve continued to order the three shots in their honor.” The bartender thought that this was a very noble thing to do, and welcomed the man every time he visited the bar. Two weeks later, the man walked into the bar for his daily visit and ordered two shots of whiskey. Surprised, the bartender asked him why he only ordered two when had had always been ordering The man answered, “Oh, I’ve decided to stop drinking.”
Read all jokes from:Drunk (+137)
You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Job interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. Career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case – coincidence?? – I think not! Two hands and just one mouth… – now THAT’S a drinking problem! You can focus better with one eye closed. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar. You fall off the floor… Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. At AA meetings you begin: “Hi, my name is… uh…” Your idea of cutting back is less salt. The whole bar says ‘Hi’ when you come in… You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Pretzels Roseanne looks good. Don’t recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass. That stupid pink elephant followed me home again. Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you. “I’m as jober as a sudge.” The shrubbery’s drunk from too frequent watering. You wake up screaming “TORO TORO TORO!” in the middle of the night.
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